Starting new job while pregnant - What maternity leave length?

[byzanthium]

Hi all,

DH and I are expecting the birth of our first child and I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant. For the last 3 years DH and I have worked together in the same firm, in the same team, both in a similar role (which obviously hasn't been ideal...). This is a small firm and the boss has made it clear he's looking to sell, and has just brought on a new MD to replace him, very much making it look like he's shoring everything up in preperation for selling.

Alongside multiple other issues with the firm (lack of structure, pay inequality, no opportunity to progress etc), we've just taken on a rather large mortgage for our family home, and given the instability with the firm, we decided we couldn't go any longer having both our eggs in one basket, so I've been looking around for a new job (not DH as he's happier at the firm than I am).

Given the job market, it's taken me quite a while to find something and I only just managed to get a job offer midway through the month and handed in my notice. Unlike everyone else in the firm who have left (9 people in the last 3 years), the boss has decided he wants me to potentially work out my full 3 month notice period (whereas everyone else only worked 2 weeks - 1 month after their notice). He knows I'm pregnant and he knows that If I stay longer than midway through Feb he'll have to pay my maternity (https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice/rights-for-parents-with-more-than-one-job/). I am trying to negotiate this down with him but he's currently constantly stalling for time and rescheduling meetings or saying he's busy.

BUT the real issue is that no one at the new job offer company know that I'm pregnant. In my previous other job applications I let them know I was pregnant from square one, or just after the offer, and unsurprisingly it's always been silence/ a sudden 'we've actually re-evaluated and we don't need anyone to fill this new position at the moment' (cue it being re-advertised on linkedin 2 days later...) but given the way that the company is going both my DH and I really felt it was necessary for one of us to change jobs for some stability as we wouldn't be able to take the financial hit if the company was bought off and both of us were made redundant. So therefore we decided it'd be best until I started working for my new firm before I let them know I was pregnant.

NB - it's not possible for one of us not to work after maternity as the mortgage + bills is a full one of our salaries. We need at least 1.5 salaries to afford food, let alone anything else.

My question is - I know that I'm not exactly fostering any good will by only telling my new employer months/a month before I need to take leave (I've looked at the laws around when you need to tell your employer and I know that's usually around week 26 but given the fact I won't technically be their employee till I start working it seems like I can delay till them) and so therefore I want to take as little leave as possible to impact the business, with my husband filling in the shortgap by me transfering the rest of my leave over to him as Shared Parental Leave. I was planning on taking 3 months off if I followed the trend of the other employees that left and only had to work out a month of my notice period to be considerate to my new employer (ie therefore started my new job in Feb, 4 months before baby is due). But given that now I'm facing the real possibility of only being able to start 1.5 months before my due date, I know the best thing to do in terms of my future relationship with my new employer would be to only take the minimum 2 weeks off and go back to work so it'll really only be like I'm taking a holiday and I distrupt my new team as little as possible. But obviously I'm worried about my physical recovery, as well as the fact that I selfishly want to spend a bit longer with our newborn before going back to work! (and I'm planning on exclusively breastfeeding where possible)

You are being unreasonable - 'It's you who's gone and gotten a new job while pregnant, and so you should be striving to make as little impact as possible on your new role and take off as little time as possible'.

You are NOT being unreasonable - 'you're between a rock and a hard place and taking only 3 months off is already a comprimise, regardless of when you start working for your new organisation'.

TL;DR - My current job is unstable so I needed to find a new job, managed to get one at 22 weeks pregnant but I may only be able to start my new job at 34 weeks pregnant. They don't know I'm pregnant yet. Should I take 3 months off with the baby as it's already a lot less that the full year or should I swalow it and only take off 2 weeks?

Apologies for all the waffle! As you can probably tell I'm quite stressed about this and didn't want to drip feed.

I think this is very tricky, and I’m not sure if it’s as simple as YABU or YANBU. I think, given the state of the company, your employer should really be allowing you to not work your full notice. It is not your ‘fault’ you are pregnant per se, and they can’t discriminate against you, however I would imagine a new employer to be less than enthusiastic if you turned up for one month and then bounced again. Have you looked up what the new employer’s maternity policy is?

For what its worth, im currently off on spl and already stressing at the fact that going back at the 9 month mark seems really soon (currently im 3 months pp). I dont see realistically how you can exclusively breastfeed if youre working, as even if you pumped instead you'd still be spending half your time pumping/washing/meticulously drying pump parts, not to mention being beyond exhausted. I know women in the us do it because they have to, but im not sure how many (if any?) manage to bf through it all. Personally, id be hugely apologetic to your new employer but take as long as feasible, at least 3 months. In theory you can always get a new job but you wont ever get this time back. Good luck!

Oh also, id be very inclined not to work the full notice,especially if theyre being difficult with you.

I completely agree, and my line manager seems to hold the opinion that I should go early like everyone else, but he doesn't have the backbone to stand up to the boss and say so.

Without prying too much they seem like they have a policy of 20 weeks fully paid depending on length of service, but I don't mind too much and I'm not expecting to get anything specific from them, just struggling to figure out how to balance my own wants and what I should be doing to 'make up' to the new company to stay on their good side.

It's not really the OP's option to decide not to work her full notice period. She signed up for 3 months' notice. If employer holds her to it she can't take up employment with the new employer.

I'm well aware that exclusively breastfeeding seems like a pipe dream :D Unfortunately both my husband and I had a bad reaction to formula as children and we're just worried about the same happening to our newborn. I would ideally like to work 3 months as that's my personal minimum but I'm worried that this wouldn't curry very much favour. I'm glad that you feel like I should go for it regardless though - makes me feel a lot less guilty for considering it!

Regarding not working full notice - I have considered it but... it's in my contract and can't I be taking to an employment tribunal? I'm aware most orgs don't actually do anything but obviously my DH is staying back and working there and I don't want to make things too dificult for him.

Ironically the boss keeps asking what he can do to make sure my DH stays on - given how irritated my DH is on my behalf with the constant avoidance by the boss for any negotiation he's not currying himself any favours :D

I think you're mad to consider only having 2 weeks off. What's the point in having a baby? Even 3 months is just not enough time. I know a few people who've done 9 months and they struggled with that. There's no point attempting to BF if you go back just as it gets established. You don't even know if you'll be physically able to go to work at 2 weeks? Even with an easy birth you'd be struggling in a new job with the lack of sleep and huge hormonal upheaval.

Have you spent much time with newborns?

Just work 2 weeks notice at your current job, get settled at your new one before taking mat leave. What do you think will happen if you refuse to do the 3 months? You won't be arrested or anything. Also if you're struggling towards the end of pregnancy or have any complications you will have to start mat leave earlier. I know plenty of women who've had more than 2 weeks off before giving birth.

Honestly I'd be really careful. If you don't tell them and turn up 7 months pregnant and say 'surprise' essentially they'll not be happy. They may not be able to discriminate but under 2 years service you might well find the job is no longer required and they don't have to give a reason.

It’s your first baby. Kindly, I don’t think you realise what it will be like to only take 2 weeks off or even only 3 months off with baby. You’ll want to take proper time with them 6 months minimum I would estimate. Most mums find they really really want the full year. Just consider this

Regarding not working full notice - I have considered it but... it's in my contract and can't I be taking to an employment tribunal?

Do you mean employer takes you to a tribunal or you'll take them to one?

If the former- no they can't take you to a tribunal. They could sue for breach of contract if you cause them to incur a loss.

If the latter, no you have no grounds to take them to a tribunal.

I went back to work full time when my son was 2 months old.

You probably don't need me to tell you that this is a bit of a mess. Can you just stay at the old job?

I'm not sure that the new employer is going to be very happy if you're 'surprise' 20 odd weeks pregnant, and even more so if you're 30 odd weeks. Who is going to pay your maternity leave?

2 weeks maternity just isn't going to be possible, you're not going to be fully functional in a job at 2 weeks post partum. I know your DH is less keen to move, but it might be far simpler all round and you could always get another job once the baby is a bit older.

Just to add, I went back at 9 months and couldn't have gone back any sooner. I also used annual leave to go part time until 13 months.

And my baby was still waking every 1-2 hours until he was over a year old. At 4 months it was every 20 mins due to allergy issues and reflux. You might be lucky and get a sleeper, you might get one like mine.

You may also have to have a c section. While 3 months should be fine I can tell you I wouldn't have been at work full time 2 weeks later even without the baby!

Really I'd either tell them you need to leave within a couple weeks or retract your notice, stick last couple months of pregnancy out, look again after baby born.

That sounds a very tricky situation. Could you use shared parental leave to take off a few blocks of leave?

Are the people voting reading the OP properly? Cannot believe a majority of people are telling this mum to take only 2 weeks mat leave! Please don't do this, you owe much more to yourself and your child to this employer. Life happens, take as much mat leave as you want and can afford, do not worry about your employer's interests (they will look after themselves)

Sorry if I’m being stupid, but where you’ve said he keeps stalling your meeting but he’ll have to pay your maternity leave if you stay a few more weeks… is this not the best scenario at the mo? You might not even be entitled to full mat pay at your new job; mine require you to be at the company for 40 weeks for full mat pay. I know you didn’t mean for things to work out this way and the job market is just vile at the mo, but I think I’d sack off the new job, rescind your notice, and look again later. Look up whether you’d need to pay back mat pay if you handed your notice in before going back though.

FWIW with my first child I took 4 and a half months off, my husband took the rest of the year as SPL. It was a bit stressful at first (baby refused to take milk from a bottle) but doable, especially as I was able to work from home. I think explaining the situation in advance and saying you will only take 3/4/5/6 months as a gesture of goodwill may be the best option.

Don't you legally have to tell your employer you're pregnant 15 weeks before the due date if you're getting paid mat leave? This whole thing sounds mental tbh and really unrealistic. It should be DH looking for a new job! You should get to stay in work and claim mat leave at your existing job, then look for a new job after.

I think planning on only 2 weeks leave is a bit mad as you simply won't know how you will feel after giving birth. However, when I had my first, standard mat leave was only 4 months and it was fairly normal for people to go back to work at that point (I went back at 4.5 months, and DC started nursery the week before). I remember my DCs nursery taking babies from 6 weeks old, but I don't know if many do that now with the longer mat leaves now available. Do you have family childcare available?

Oh dear, I think you've been a bit hasty in you looking for new employment rather than your DH. Would have been better for you to stay and him to move.

Who do you propose to look after a 2 week old baby if you do go back to work? I don't know a single woman (in my group) who has returned to work before 6 months and that was without any other issues (feeding/birth injuries/crap sleeping).

I very much hope that you will have a textbook delivery and rapid recovery but at two weeks postpartum I was readmitted to hospital with a serious infection and the complex healing of my birth injuries meant that I could not physically have walked into my place of work for several months afterwards. You cannot make this plan based on the assumption that you will be physically ready to return to work after two weeks, I'm afraid.

Once you hit 25 weeks pregnant your current employer will need to pay you maternity pay even if you leave after that.

PS if you haven't already, contact Pregnant Then Screwed for advice on your rights and how best to secure them.

I went back after 2 months because of starting a new job
it wasn't ideal but I had no choice
no harm done