Starting new job while pregnant - What maternity leave length?

[byzanthium]

Hi all,

DH and I are expecting the birth of our first child and I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant. For the last 3 years DH and I have worked together in the same firm, in the same team, both in a similar role (which obviously hasn't been ideal...). This is a small firm and the boss has made it clear he's looking to sell, and has just brought on a new MD to replace him, very much making it look like he's shoring everything up in preperation for selling.

Alongside multiple other issues with the firm (lack of structure, pay inequality, no opportunity to progress etc), we've just taken on a rather large mortgage for our family home, and given the instability with the firm, we decided we couldn't go any longer having both our eggs in one basket, so I've been looking around for a new job (not DH as he's happier at the firm than I am).

Given the job market, it's taken me quite a while to find something and I only just managed to get a job offer midway through the month and handed in my notice. Unlike everyone else in the firm who have left (9 people in the last 3 years), the boss has decided he wants me to potentially work out my full 3 month notice period (whereas everyone else only worked 2 weeks - 1 month after their notice). He knows I'm pregnant and he knows that If I stay longer than midway through Feb he'll have to pay my maternity (https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice/rights-for-parents-with-more-than-one-job/). I am trying to negotiate this down with him but he's currently constantly stalling for time and rescheduling meetings or saying he's busy.

BUT the real issue is that no one at the new job offer company know that I'm pregnant. In my previous other job applications I let them know I was pregnant from square one, or just after the offer, and unsurprisingly it's always been silence/ a sudden 'we've actually re-evaluated and we don't need anyone to fill this new position at the moment' (cue it being re-advertised on linkedin 2 days later...) but given the way that the company is going both my DH and I really felt it was necessary for one of us to change jobs for some stability as we wouldn't be able to take the financial hit if the company was bought off and both of us were made redundant. So therefore we decided it'd be best until I started working for my new firm before I let them know I was pregnant.

NB - it's not possible for one of us not to work after maternity as the mortgage + bills is a full one of our salaries. We need at least 1.5 salaries to afford food, let alone anything else.

My question is - I know that I'm not exactly fostering any good will by only telling my new employer months/a month before I need to take leave (I've looked at the laws around when you need to tell your employer and I know that's usually around week 26 but given the fact I won't technically be their employee till I start working it seems like I can delay till them) and so therefore I want to take as little leave as possible to impact the business, with my husband filling in the shortgap by me transfering the rest of my leave over to him as Shared Parental Leave. I was planning on taking 3 months off if I followed the trend of the other employees that left and only had to work out a month of my notice period to be considerate to my new employer (ie therefore started my new job in Feb, 4 months before baby is due). But given that now I'm facing the real possibility of only being able to start 1.5 months before my due date, I know the best thing to do in terms of my future relationship with my new employer would be to only take the minimum 2 weeks off and go back to work so it'll really only be like I'm taking a holiday and I distrupt my new team as little as possible. But obviously I'm worried about my physical recovery, as well as the fact that I selfishly want to spend a bit longer with our newborn before going back to work! (and I'm planning on exclusively breastfeeding where possible)

You are being unreasonable - 'It's you who's gone and gotten a new job while pregnant, and so you should be striving to make as little impact as possible on your new role and take off as little time as possible'.

You are NOT being unreasonable - 'you're between a rock and a hard place and taking only 3 months off is already a comprimise, regardless of when you start working for your new organisation'.

TL;DR - My current job is unstable so I needed to find a new job, managed to get one at 22 weeks pregnant but I may only be able to start my new job at 34 weeks pregnant. They don't know I'm pregnant yet. Should I take 3 months off with the baby as it's already a lot less that the full year or should I swalow it and only take off 2 weeks?

Apologies for all the waffle! As you can probably tell I'm quite stressed about this and didn't want to drip feed.

I hate to sound blunt, but you should have taken advice before making such a rash move.

In terms of legally, I think you are going to get stuck claiming maternity allowance. Not sure why you are attempting to negotiate your notice period down, thus disqualifying you from claiming SMP through your current employer.

How can both of you have thought you would get more 'stability' through you changing jobs while pg? This is madness.

Exactly this. Madness. Better to be in a job than potentially lose the new job or mightily piss off your new bosses by 9.01am on your first day when they see you waddle in the office.

I wondered about the Hr duty of care thing. Your new employer will have rules they need to adhere to OP.

Going against the grain here but as your new role is fully remote, I think you'll be fine to return after a month. Reality is if you're WFH you'll still be able to breastfeed baby etc between working. On the flip side, your new employer is probably going to be wondering how much you're actually working if they know you have a newborn at home and may not be happy for you to return so early, depending on the nature of your work, how closely they feel they can monitor performance etc. In any case, I would tell them asap and definitely not wait until your first day to mention the pregnancy as you have probably lost some goodwill already by leaving it so late. I went back after 4 months with my first (5 days a week in the office), it's not uncommon outside the UK so not sure about all these posters saying they couldn't leave baby before 9 months. Not everyone has that luxury and you adapt as needed.

Well you have to be selfish and do the best thing for your family now, but that might include an early conversation with the new employer about notice period and pregnancy, acknowledging it is far from ideal for anyone. After all, you have to work with them when it comes to it. You can signal an intended length of maternity leave but don't commit to anything.

I was hallucinating through lack of sleep at 2 weeks post partum. I also couldn't bend or tolerate any pressure on my c scar so wore nightwear still. Pregnancy and labour can take a huge toll on your body both physically and emotionally even when everything goes to plan

Although technically they can't get rid of you for this, your new company could make up any reason to get rid of you and its so easy before 2 years. They could just say probation hasn't worked out. So I feel going in and saying btw I'm going off for maternity in a few weeks is just not the way to start a new job and leaves you open to being unemployed very soon.

I really feel you have picked the worst option, your DH should have looked for a job and you should have stayed.

Also 2 weeks is completely unrealistic and you are relying on a perfect birth and no issues. Maternity leave isn't just about looking after a baby but it's about healing too, I really think this has been poorly thought out and if there is any chance of taking your notice back, I would do so ASAP.

You say you are leaving for stability but by changing roles I feel like you are doing the opposite and feel like you have such a high chance of losing this new job as soon as you return.

@Puddleduck28 Thank you for your advice, agreeded that we get a very long time of leave compared to some other countries where I've had relatives go back to work after a few weeks/months as that's just the done thing. Maybe that's why we've been considering me taking only a short time off as well as those have been our only secondhand experiences so far?

I think after I finally manage to get a leave date out of my boss I'll have a conversation with my new employers instead of leaving it till when I join since that seems to be the general consensus as well and tbh sounds very reasonable.

has the law changed regarding keeping your job open after maternity leave? it used to be you had to work someone for 2 years or they wouldn't be required to keep the job open.

I’m not sure what to advise but two weeks leave isn’t doable. As a first time mum you will be in a haze for at least the first 6 weeks as you recover and settle into your new life. It’s a bit like being shell shocked. As for breastfeeding you won’t even have it established by then so you wouldn’t be able to maintain it.
People do take shorter leaves, but I’d be looking at 6 months

For everyone saying that two weeks off is too little, I've just had a conversation with my husband about everything you've all said and we've agreed 6 weeks off should be our minimum. Thank you for opening our eyes a bit regarding 2 weeks being too short :) I'll update my OP if possible so anyone new coming has this new timeframe in mind.

Looks like I can't edit my OP anymore - I'll correct newcomers to 6 weeks when possible.

This is no longer the case.

I'm absoloutley blow away that these things- mat pay, possible 2 weeks off with newborn, loss of mat benefits etc have all arisen basically as "dh is happer at the firm than me"

The whole saga is an exercise in sheer idiocy.

Sorry OP I don’t think you’re considering how you will feel emotionally as well as physically if you have to leave your baby to work after 6 weeks. Even with all the physical effects aside, I don’t think I could have worked from home in a room in my house and listened to my baby crying without being able to go and settle her. Or at least without being very distracted by it. I think you need to let your new employer know you are pregnant asap.

I am a manager and if I knew someone in my team was planning to do this I’d be concerned about how well they’d be able to do the job with a newborn at home.

I know you said that ship has sailed, but have you considered staying in your current job until you finish maternity leave? Your husband doesn’t necessarily have to be the one to leave but you would have much more job security staying where you are.

I know your DH is much happier at this firm but this is ill thought out. Being pregnant is not the time to change jobs.

You are risking your maternity pay.

You are risking your 2 year employment rights. Turning up about to drop is going to leave a very sour taste in your prospective employers mouth, you are likely to find they no longer need you!

6 weeks is not enough time to bond with your baby and recover, yes you CAN do it, but in this instance you don’t HAVE to do it- so don’t!

Working from home with a 6 week old full time and breastfeeding is not possible. There will be days when the baby cluster feeds day and night. You cannot commit to focusing on a new job in this time, your new employer will be mightily pissed off and rightly so.

Id say the only credible options are for you to both stay where you are, or your husband get a new job.

You are severely underestimating the tremendous emotional and physical turmoil the first year of a little one take on you and your relationship. This needs so much more thought.

We have had lots of discussions about this and agreed I was best placed to find a new job - I was genuinely unhappy at my current firm and am glad to leave (and most people seem to make a point of finding a job you love before you go on leave so you can drag yourself back to it!)

Both of us staying in the same firm just isn't possible for us so one of us had to leave, and given everything it's best for me to go, loss of 6 weeks at 90% aside if I start the new job before mid-Feb. This is a loss of only about 1K for us so isn't too big a deal. I did start looking for jobs 6 months ago, it's just so happened that I only got one now.

As mentioned above, we've revised 2 weeks to 6 weeks minimum as that seems the general consensus. I would love to keep hearing opinions on how I should approach everything with my new firm, and whether I should go in with 'I'll be taking 3 months off' regardless of when I start, or whether I should revise that down closer to 6 weeks the more of my notice I end up having to work depending on what my boss says.

@byzanthium

Common sense should have told you that you are in fact, by far the worst placed to be the one who leaves the current job.

The thing is OP employers are quite used to women going on mat leave, thinking they’ll take a certain amount of time off but totally changing their minds. That’s why you don’t agree anything until after the baby is born and you are ready to return. So you’re thinking you’ll go in and say ‘eek guess what I’m pregnant, but I’m only going to take x’ - they are going to be thinking, ‘well we can’t hold her to that’. So they will be wondering where they stand!

Hi @SemperIdem, appreciate your thoughts on the matter. Unfortunately this is how the situation currently stands. Do you have any opinions on the length of leave at all?

Hadn't thought of that at all! Didn't realise that people tended to revise their mat leave length. Do you know how much notice you need to hand in for this? I remember reading somewhere it was 8 weeks.

I guess it would be in your new employers policy but I remember when I took mat leave the standard assumed amount was 9 months. And it was only at that point you told them if you were returning or staying off longer. Of course there were informal discussions with my manager before that but definitely not until after about 6 months!

With my Mum hat on, there is no way you’ll be ready to return after two weeks. Or even three months

Who are you to dicate when another woman returns to work?