Starting new job while pregnant - What maternity leave length?

[byzanthium]

Hi all,

DH and I are expecting the birth of our first child and I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant. For the last 3 years DH and I have worked together in the same firm, in the same team, both in a similar role (which obviously hasn't been ideal...). This is a small firm and the boss has made it clear he's looking to sell, and has just brought on a new MD to replace him, very much making it look like he's shoring everything up in preperation for selling.

Alongside multiple other issues with the firm (lack of structure, pay inequality, no opportunity to progress etc), we've just taken on a rather large mortgage for our family home, and given the instability with the firm, we decided we couldn't go any longer having both our eggs in one basket, so I've been looking around for a new job (not DH as he's happier at the firm than I am).

Given the job market, it's taken me quite a while to find something and I only just managed to get a job offer midway through the month and handed in my notice. Unlike everyone else in the firm who have left (9 people in the last 3 years), the boss has decided he wants me to potentially work out my full 3 month notice period (whereas everyone else only worked 2 weeks - 1 month after their notice). He knows I'm pregnant and he knows that If I stay longer than midway through Feb he'll have to pay my maternity (https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice/rights-for-parents-with-more-than-one-job/). I am trying to negotiate this down with him but he's currently constantly stalling for time and rescheduling meetings or saying he's busy.

BUT the real issue is that no one at the new job offer company know that I'm pregnant. In my previous other job applications I let them know I was pregnant from square one, or just after the offer, and unsurprisingly it's always been silence/ a sudden 'we've actually re-evaluated and we don't need anyone to fill this new position at the moment' (cue it being re-advertised on linkedin 2 days later...) but given the way that the company is going both my DH and I really felt it was necessary for one of us to change jobs for some stability as we wouldn't be able to take the financial hit if the company was bought off and both of us were made redundant. So therefore we decided it'd be best until I started working for my new firm before I let them know I was pregnant.

NB - it's not possible for one of us not to work after maternity as the mortgage + bills is a full one of our salaries. We need at least 1.5 salaries to afford food, let alone anything else.

My question is - I know that I'm not exactly fostering any good will by only telling my new employer months/a month before I need to take leave (I've looked at the laws around when you need to tell your employer and I know that's usually around week 26 but given the fact I won't technically be their employee till I start working it seems like I can delay till them) and so therefore I want to take as little leave as possible to impact the business, with my husband filling in the shortgap by me transfering the rest of my leave over to him as Shared Parental Leave. I was planning on taking 3 months off if I followed the trend of the other employees that left and only had to work out a month of my notice period to be considerate to my new employer (ie therefore started my new job in Feb, 4 months before baby is due). But given that now I'm facing the real possibility of only being able to start 1.5 months before my due date, I know the best thing to do in terms of my future relationship with my new employer would be to only take the minimum 2 weeks off and go back to work so it'll really only be like I'm taking a holiday and I distrupt my new team as little as possible. But obviously I'm worried about my physical recovery, as well as the fact that I selfishly want to spend a bit longer with our newborn before going back to work! (and I'm planning on exclusively breastfeeding where possible)

You are being unreasonable - 'It's you who's gone and gotten a new job while pregnant, and so you should be striving to make as little impact as possible on your new role and take off as little time as possible'.

You are NOT being unreasonable - 'you're between a rock and a hard place and taking only 3 months off is already a comprimise, regardless of when you start working for your new organisation'.

TL;DR - My current job is unstable so I needed to find a new job, managed to get one at 22 weeks pregnant but I may only be able to start my new job at 34 weeks pregnant. They don't know I'm pregnant yet. Should I take 3 months off with the baby as it's already a lot less that the full year or should I swalow it and only take off 2 weeks?

Apologies for all the waffle! As you can probably tell I'm quite stressed about this and didn't want to drip feed.

This is pretty bad of you to deceive your prospective new employers in this way. Why didn't you stay in your job you might have got a redundancy payment. Just seen you are going back when baby is 2 weeks old. I think the decisions you have made are most unwise.

I think you are incredibly naive. Even six weeks is insane. Juggling a new baby, any health conditions you have as a result of the birth AND being in a new job is just far too much for you to manage.

Depending on what sort of company you are joining, SME, Big corporate, global firm, they may not have you back after six weeks. Mine wouldn’t. They will have rules on this. They also will be aware you have a new born at home whilst WFH which rings alarm bells. I would tread very carefully. There is a big difference between starting a new job in your first trimester and your third.

Someone mentioned you being able to breastfeed at home in between working. It doesn’t work like that, I remember sitting and feeding for hours! Then they start to drop off, then the baby will be sick, so then you start over again. Then they finally drop off, but it’s 2pm and you’ve not brushed your teeth yet.

What if you end up with a c section or having to stay in hospital longer?

Yes you might be wfh but it's still returning to work after a major op so you might not be fit to return.

This thread has really stressed me out on your behalf OP. I hope it all works out for you

I don't know anything about the legalities of the situation, especially because I don't live in the UK, but I voted that you're being unreasonable for being in this situation in the first place. I think it's somewhat irresponsible to choose to have a baby when your work situation is so unsettled.

But what I really wanted to say was ignore all the people saying you're going to want to take at least 6 months or a year maternity leave. It often seems like British women can't imagine how it's possible to go back to work shortly after having a baby, and of course it is. Where I live the standard maternity leave is 6 weeks. I myself went back at 8 weeks, and this was a full time office job with a long commute, and it was easily doable. I do think 2 weeks would be difficult however, but you certainly don't need to take months and months.

I’m another poster who thinks you’ve been really naive and put yourself, currently employee & new employer in shitty positions.
Are you able to rescind your notice?

I’m sorry OP but this is bonkers. I don't understand how you ever felt starting a new job at 34 weeks pregnant was a good idea.

I had to stop work at 35 weeks during one pregnancy.

During my second pregnancy I went for a routine appointment at 38 weeks and was admitted and nearly given a section that afternoon.

Even Without this I was tired, uncomfortable, emotional, anxious. I cannot imagine also thinking that I had to start a new job.

2 weeks leave is bonkers. 6 weeks is pretty mad too.

I could not imagine trying to work whilst still bleeding, not sleeping, hormonal changes.

And that’s if it’s a normal uncomplicated birth. My youngest is 7 and I’m still recovering in some ways.

Did none of your friends and family tell you this was mad?

When thinking about mat leave,.the other thing to factor in is that babies don't usually come on cue. With my first I spent a week in hospital being induced (multiple attempts). When baby finally did arrive we had to stay in 3 nights in recovery and I was then discharged on heavy painkillers and unable to sit or walk for the next 6 weeks (birth injuries). Even 6 weeks is not a long time when you factor in that mat leave might start before labour. It will be very difficult with the breastfeeding plan and work. It looks easy but takes a while to learn! You will find that when the baby cries you lactate so will impact on your work. Mine would never take a bottle. They are different sucking motions breast Vs bottle so some babies can do it and others not.

I don’t understand why you didn’t just stay with current company let them pay you for mat leave and start looking for a new role a couple of months before the end of your planned leave. You also would have accrued holiday whilst on mat leave.
I also think 6 weeks is too short, it takes a good while to establish breastfeeding and trying to work from home with a newborn present will be really hard, every time they cry you would want to go to them.

Both of us staying in the same firm just isn't possible for us so one of us had to leave, and given everything it's best for me to go

In a matter of months you would've been on paid leave from that job, with mat leave. You could've even taken it at 28 weeks intentional on not returning, then just job hunted later down the line after baby is here and you are a good few months into motherhood.

At least that way, failing on finding a new job, you'd at least have something to go back to.

I think you have to tell your employer 15 weeks before your intention to take leave which is your due date no later. It's a really tricky situation anyway. I do think 12 weeks is doable if you have family to help with childcare or can afford a nanny, I'm not sure about putting such a young baby into a shared setting. Ultimately you have to do what you need to do but you do need to consider if you are even eligible for smp or whether it's ma instead

Why haven't you informed your new employer that you are pregnant?

Stay in current job and take mat leave. If you leave you'll only be entitled to maternity allowance or whatever it's called, which is less. Your new employer will not thank you for not mentioning baby and they won't be obliged to pay mat leave.

A new baby is an epic shake up, the idea you can give birth then start a new job and be on it 3 months postpartum is insane. You'd be better off taking a loan than doing that.

@Moveoverdarlin If you work in HR I am shocked that you think you can prevent the OP from coming back to work after two weeks. Legally you can't do that. Compulsory maternity leave is two weeks, four if you work in a factory, and after that it is the mothers choice. And that has only been the case since 1996! Until 1975 there was no maternity leave, and it was only in 1993 that all working women mbecame eligible for maternity leave. Whether it is wise, right or anything else is up to the OP to decide. The law says she only has to take two weeks, and it is for her to decide.

OP, somebody earlier on suggested this and said there was nothing the employer could do about it. They were wrong, so I am going to correct their suggestion. But suggest it anyway. If you do not work your notice then there is something the employer can do about it - they can sue you! They can only sue you for quantifiable additional costs as a result of you not working your notice. They won't be paying you as you have left, but if they then had to pay more for a replacement for you for the perod of your notice they could sue for the difference.

It very rarely happens. Very rarely. But it could.

And I guess if your husband works there that could complicate things if they took it out on him. Only you could tell if it was likely.

But given everything that you have said, I think I would be seriously considering giving two weeks notice and leaving, and let the dice roll where they will. In all honesty me advising someone to do that is almost as rare as being sued - I generally believe people should work their notice. But I do think that your situation is very dicey, both working for the same employer in a situation where the employer could change very quickly and leave uncertainty.

If you can't do that, then in all honesty I think I would take the risk and tell the new employer now. I would be absolutely furious if someone turned up three months later and told me they would be off on maternity leave within a short time. I wouldn't show it, and I would cope - but it would seriously undermine any trust or confidence that I had in them going forward. Whilst I appreciate that you've had job offers disappear before now (and I wouldn't have done that) you are only delaying the inevitable - they will either be ok or not, and if they are not already having turned up to work won't change what they feel about it. In fact it may make it worse. Remember - you have no employment protection for two years!

Just to add - nobody can predict whether something will go wrong, but mostly it doesn't, and women have been going back to work after childbirth for centuries. The OP has a relatively sedentary role and is normally home based. There isn't much risk.

Whilst employment law is always very much onside of the pregnant woman I would think an employer would have a very strong case if they wanted to withdraw the offer of employment in this case. Not to be made aware of a new starter being 34 weeks pregnant is highly unusual. Health and Safety grounds would be the obvious way out of this. How can they look after you if you are WFH? Is your setting at home appropriate?

When I was working in an office whilst pregnant, HR made a big song and dance about the swivel chair I was sitting on, and the distance it was from my desk. Head of HR was faffing around with a tape measure making sure my posture was ok.

There’s an instagrammer (who occasionally has posted on MN I think) who took a matter of weeks off after giving birth, as her partner was the stay at home parent & she was the full time breadwinner. It was somewhere around the 2 week mark for her too.

I think you might have to take the risk and tell your new employer sooner rather than later. If my maths are correct, working three months notice would take you up to 34 weeks pregnant. A not insignificant percentage of people will have given birth by then and others will have started their maternity leave not through choice but for medical reasons.
Also, bear in mind that, by telling your company sooner rather than later, they have time to put a contingency plan in place. If you are a new role, they may simply exist without that role for another 6 months or so but might ask you to do a few days general induction before you go on maternity leave; if it is an existing role and the person has already left with colleagues covering, it may be easier for them to continue to cover than you do the role substantively for a couple of weeks and then go on leave and hand back to them, if it is a role which needs to be filled and the person hasn't left yet, allow your new employer the time to recruit a maternity cover. The reasons why you usually have to inform your employer by a particular date are there to support both the mother-to-be and the business.
FWIW, when we interviewed someone who was heavily pregnant we explored - whilst being very careful about discrimination legislation - what her plans had been about maternity leave and whether she wanted to continue with those plans. She had originally planned to go back after 9 months so we agreed to that and came up with a cover plan for the interim. She then extended it for another month which wasn't a huge surprise as that happens quite often. She was back for just over a year before going off on mat leave number 2, that time taking a year. She's a brilliant employee who is both great at her job and a lovely person to work with and we are so glad we gave her the role.

I agree the best thing is to tell new employer asap. I don’t you don’t have to, but if you don’t it will go down pretty badly.

You have been downright daft here OP. Literally couldn’t have made worse choices IMO. I would do everything you can to stay at your current place.

also often babies won’t settle for dad like they will mum. Baby knows your body your smell and will probably just want you while they are tiny.

definitely do some research into 4th trimester. 6 weeks is nuts and not much better than 2 weeks. I think you guys are both being more than naive and I’m not impressed your husband has agreed to put you in this position

I had a straight forward delivery and could have gone back to work after 2 weeks....but at 3 weeks I started with post partum depression and psychosis and my daughter had silent reflux by 10 weeks post partum I was bed bound and my daughter screamed all day unless she was in my arms. My plan was to go back to work after 9 months. In the end I went into hospital at 10 months post partum for 10 weeks and then spent 3 months on sick leave after my 12 months mat leave

It takes longer than 2 weeks for you to adjust. I was winning at life at 2 weeks and it went horribly horribly wrong after that.

My mum only took 5 weeks leave with my sister and only worked 4h a day after my dad got home from work and found it incredibly difficult.

I think 6 weeks is probably more doable than 2. But you might not actually mind it as much as you think to go back especially if it’s your husband who’s taking the leave. You might hate it, you might not, it’s not a forgone conclusion.

My major concern when going back to work was the baby was with someone who loved him and my husband doing extra leave made that transition so easy. Though I did do 6 months, I think I could have gone back much earlier than that if I was passing the baby over to my husband. I didn’t breast feed though so that changes things.

Also, do not underestimate having the time to mentally prepare yourself for the short leave. If you know it’s coming and you accept it it’s much different from having your leave cut short.

I think you should bite the bullet and tell your new employer as soon as your new contract is signed. My cousin was in a similar position and she was pleasantly surprised by their reaction. Her new employer said all of the correct things ie. You are the best person for the job we are prepared to wait (what else could they say). She ended up taking 9 months off with her new employer and now a few years later is running the place.

I don’t think you should reduce your maternity leave for your employer’s sake. People have babies. That’s how the world works.

Are you sure that losing 90% of your normal pay for six weeks (eg if you end up on maternity allowance rather than full pay for the first six weeks) will only cost you £1,000 in total? Seems rather low if you are working full time.

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy. Lots of people here have strong views, and I hope you are not finding the critical opinions too difficult to hear.

If I were you, I’d be going back to current boss to say ‘look, we have both worked here a long time, and we are in a bind here. You will be reimbursed by the state to the tune of 103%, so can I extend my notice period, and stay on books for the duration of my maternity leave. Instead, DH won’t take his planned parental leave (or will take a shorter stretch), and we hope you can understand the challenge we are facing.’

Meanwhile, request a video meeting with new company, and tell them you have the unexpected news to share that you would be going on maternity leave on x date. (By the way, have you been issued a contract?) Tell them that your new start date would be nine months postpartum. Right now, you are second-guessing what they might say, and the only thing to do is find out exactly what their response is.

I think the uncertainty will make you both really anxious at what should be a happy time, and getting whatever comfort and security you can from your current employer would be the best to tide you over, and give you the time and space to find a new role.