PIL have booked our holiday

[zara8775]

So, I’m not sure if I’m being oversensitive here, but this has really annoyed me. My husband and I went on a lovely holiday last year with our two kids – first proper break since having them – to a small, quiet resort in Greece. We loved it so much we’ve already booked to go again this summer. We’d mentioned this to his parents in passing, as you do, but didn’t go into loads of detail.

Fast forward to last weekend, MIL calls to say they’ve also booked a trip… to the exact same resort. Same dates, same hotel. Apparently, they thought it sounded lovely, so they decided to “tag along.” I honestly don’t know how to feel.

It’s not like we dislike them or anything, but part of what we loved about this place was how peaceful it was – no obligations, no one else to consider. Now I feel like our relaxing family holiday is turning into a big extended-family trip we didn’t ask for. DH thinks it’s “nice” they want to come and says it’ll be “fine,” but I’m fuming. I just feel like they’ve trampled over our plans and didn’t even ask us first.

AIBU to think they should’ve at least checked with us before booking? Or am I overreacting? I need to know if I’m being petty before I make this into A Thing…

I’d hate this!! It’s so rude. I’d be fuming too! I don’t like my MIL though but even if I did, it’s a holiday for you!!

Basic human decency is asking before you book yourself on to someone else's family holiday. The only ones taking here are the PIL, and I've no idea why you've decided why they'll be dead or inform this time next year.

Two options really.

You can change your dates or cancel.

Or they can... might be in their cooling off period still.

Only one thing is certain if this joint trip goes ahead you will be so full of resentment it would defeat the object of going on holiday.

OP I am glad that you are pushing back against this, I was really sad for you when you said you were going to accept it as a done deal.

It is REALLY not on that they have hijack your holiday, and I would be so pissed off if I found out dh was involved.

You need to but a firm boundary in. Other wise this will creep up as a pattern, PIL making choices for you with dh collusion.

You can do this politely and kindly, and change the dates.

This has happened to us a few times, despite organising big family holidays separately so if we want to go alone we don’t tell anyone we are going.

I would try and move it. Most importantly you have to tell your husband that you will not be going around with them. Make it clear you will not eat meals with them.

Correct. It is basic human decency not to piggyback on your daughter in law's plans without an invite. Just incredibly rude.

Basic human decency is not imposing yourself on someone’s holiday.

Ot even worse, colluding with your son to present a fair accompli to your DIL because she doesn’t merit consideration or consultation.

Any chance of your parents coming too and play him at his own game?

This is why in-laws should only get limited information about future plans.

Or, can you change the dates? Did you do all the booking? Leave DH to mention nearer the time he got confused and you're actually going the week before/after but you might cross paths at the airport 'tinkly MN laugh'.

Wow. How awful. I'd be furious.
I'd change your dates by a week so you still overlap but also get your own break- you do risk them changing their dates tho so be careful.

Does sound like marriage counselling might be helpful tho.

How did it happen accidentally?

I’d be fuming too, OP — but if you do try to change the dates, and your DH is reluctant, I don’t necessarily think that means he knew about it or agreed to it. Changing the dates sends a very clear message to your ILs, and there may well be fallout from it. So if he’s reluctant, it might be because of that, not because he was part of it…

Co-signed @ForRealCat . I'd put money on them getting all the details from your DH. Does he think they will babysit?

Quite, with all the holiday destinations in the world, and all the dates, I don't believe in accidents or coincidence.

And yes i'd be PISSED.

I would be messaging them and saying something like “ just to give you a heads up, the resort is tiny, so I suggest you make sure you hire a car for days out as obviously we don’t want to be on top of each other all day. We are really looking forward to a few evenings out with you so we can hear about your adventures, I am sure you will find lots of things to explore and enjoy while we have our much needed chill out time with the children.”

More likely he thinks his parents, his children and his wife can all entertain each other, leaving him free to do what he wants.

If you booked two weeks could you move dates and overlap by just a week?

Can I just ask where it is you’re going? I’ve been looking for something similar…….I’ll book different dates though I promise haha……….

I wouldn’t even run it past him. Just change your dates. Or cancel. You absolutely have to stand up for yourself here.

My IL did this - it was UK holiday so for them not their main - but for us our only.

We'd only had our first ever family Holiday year before and despite their dire predictions it had been really fun.

They kept doing year on year and I kept making the most of it - even DH asked them to stop.

In end even DH had had enough and we booked somewhere from my childhood that booked up extremely early - don't think they could get the same week. They manage to go on a short trip before us and were experts - and MIL tried to tell kids they wouldn't enjoy it without her. We had a great time without them much more relaxed for us.

They didn't baby sit got there after us so weren't around to help after long journey with small kids and check in - we'd get that day to ourselves. Plus they let everyone think thy were paying for us - they weren't.

One of the final straws was me finally finding something everyone I though was enjoying for MIL to have a go as we weren't paying extra to put the kids in childcare on the family holiday.

So from personal experience - I get the well it's done and we will make best of it approach - but while I did make a huge fuss every time DH was worried about upsetting his parents - I'd put foot down now and re-book another week or else where.

Genuinely, what has inheritance got to do with anything? no one is owed inheritance so wouldn't modify their behaviour to maximise the potential of getting their hands on it, besides that, most people realise that if their parents or PIL have assets that they may be swallowed up by care home fees, or rent etc, so it really isn't on most people's radar IMO or part of their decision making.

If you only do things for people because of long term plan of getting money out of them I think that is more worrying then someone who doesn't want to spend their whole holiday, either spending it with people you haven't chosen to go on holiday or trying to avoid them and feeling constantly guilty about it.

I love my in laws, but would absolutely change my dates on principle because of how it has been done.

Yes it has nothing to do with liking or not liking the in laws, and everything to do with the underhand way it has been done.

I would read him the riot act about the "not a big deal" comments.

"DH, it might not be a big deal to you, but it is a big deal to me. Please call your parents and ask them to change their dates. If they refuse to change their dates we will have to change ours, but I don't see why we should pay when they're the ones who tried to hijack our holiday without asking."

My in-laws did this too in, tho in the UK. I know why they did it as it saved them coming to see us further north but I wasn't happy and it was pretty awkward.

It was a small hotel where we met up with friends (only saw them that week, as they were friends from booking that week many years running), so I really didn't appreciate it. We did our own thing in the daytime but they were there lurking all evening and throughout the meals. I loved that week away usually but it was just awks having to think about them and keeping some semblance of politeness.

Years on I now see it as a DH problem. He didn't nip it in the bud and he went along with it for a quiet life. His parents are very polite but really assertive and he's not at all assertive...