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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you had a gender preference?

134 replies

recordingthedetails · 26/01/2025 19:43

Under the cloak of anonymity. (And I know it’s sex not gender but I’m not writing sex preferences.)

I’ll be honest and admit I really didn't want all boys. I am not sure why - I've never been a hugely girly girl but I suppose I am in some respects and I also wanted a relationship with a daughter as I lost my own mum young.

I ended up with a boy first, which I'll admit I was a bit worried about. It took me a while to get used to the idea to be honest, partly because everyone I knew who had a baby around the same time had a girl, and I did feel a bit jealous and as if I was on the outside of an exclusive girl club. I went on to have another child who was a girl. Still feel a bit as if I’m an outlier with the original girl gang though.

So YABU - no preference and YANBU had a preference.

OP posts:
creamsnugjumper · 26/01/2025 22:48

I absolutely didn't want a girl so happy I had my 2 DS.

I had many reasons coming from a place of safety, career, privileges and mostly from the lack of abuse she would suffer.

Chilliflakes14 · 26/01/2025 22:49

I got a boy and a girl so I feel very lucky with that. Personally I would have been disappointed if I didn't have a daughter.

creamsnugjumper · 26/01/2025 22:51

Sorry can I just add I have had endometriosis my entire life gaslit until my 40s etc so for me would be awful thinking I'd given her this disease.

constantsurprise · 26/01/2025 22:53

Someone once said that "a boy would suit you". I was so offended as i wanted a girl and believed my DD would be a tomboy like me. I have a lovely boy and while i get to miss out on giving him advice for girls, about periods, whatever, i can still advise on how to treat them properly. We also share a lot of interests

chichiwaaa · 26/01/2025 23:03

I lost multiple pregnancies and like others just wanted a healthy baby. However, I had a strong preference for a boy. I just couldn't imagine myself as a girl mum. We didn't find out until the birth that I got my wish! We won't be having any more children but I'd want my 2nd to be a boy too.

purpleblue2 · 26/01/2025 23:09

I never wanted to be a girl mum never, I got pregnant. Was adamant it was a boy. Got to 15 weeks gender scan im the private place bed I said because we are here it’s a girl. She is a girl and is a wonderful girl. I now don’t want boys but if it was to happen it would be amazing but it is what it is.

SP2024 · 26/01/2025 23:09

I wanted/want girls. I have two boys. I’m always torn between whether to try for a third time but I just couldn’t cope with 3 boys. My husband didn’t care. All my friends and family have girls and have had natural births. I’m the only one with just boys, the only one needing ivf and the only one forced into two unwanted c sections, it feels quite unfair.

AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 26/01/2025 23:19

Didimum · 26/01/2025 22:38

I didn’t say boys were horrible and annoying. I said my friend’s two boys were horrible and annoying.

Show quote history

light Hearted comment hence the 🤣

DazedAndConfused321 · 26/01/2025 23:22

Yes, and I got 5 of them.
All children are blessings, but preferences are real!

Ella31 · 26/01/2025 23:25

No, after two miscarriages, got pregnant with twin boys. Lost them both at birth last year. One born sleeping, my second died 4 days later in the NICU unit. Worst week of my life. Pregnant now again and all I want is the midwife to say, a happy healthy baby in a few weeks time. I might have had thoughts on the gender before but I don't now.

JaceLancs · 26/01/2025 23:28

DC one I really wasn’t bothered - had a girl
DC two I wasn’t bothered as would happily have had 2 girls or one of each - had a boy so quite happy
Think my answer would’ve been different if I had a boy first though

snowflakelake · 26/01/2025 23:30

I wanted a baby, ideally a girl.
I had twins.
One nearly died at birth, then I realized I just wanted live babies.
I was beyond lucky that they both lived.
Later I realized I was a numpty and boys are just as brilliant as girls.

GloriousBlue · 26/01/2025 23:32

Being honest, I wanted a girl first.

My boy was the best thing that ever, ever, happened to me. I felt silly that I'd ever been upset (I think I even made a mumsnet post about being upset when I found out what he was at the scan!)

With baby 2, I didn't have a preference anymore. She was a girl, and that was lovely.

Babyenroute · 27/01/2025 02:33

SP2024 · 26/01/2025 23:09

I wanted/want girls. I have two boys. I’m always torn between whether to try for a third time but I just couldn’t cope with 3 boys. My husband didn’t care. All my friends and family have girls and have had natural births. I’m the only one with just boys, the only one needing ivf and the only one forced into two unwanted c sections, it feels quite unfair.

This is sad.
I think it's quite normal to have a preference and then realise that preference was silly and you are delighted with the children you have after all but I think if you still aren't happy after being with your boys you should speak to someone about it. Also, If you want three children there is absolutely nothing wrong with three boys. I get the relationship thing when they are older but there really isn't much difference when they are kids.

Anywherebuthere · 27/01/2025 02:43

Unashamedly yes. Still fell in love what I got instead.

FindingMeno · 27/01/2025 03:29

I don't understand males therefore I am so so happy to have girls.

anonny55 · 27/01/2025 03:33

Never really had a preference to begin with. I could always only ever imagine myself being a boy mum though. I'm pregnant with dc1 and he's a boy. I only ever really wanted 1 baby but now I'm nearly ready to pop with this one I'm already thinking oo id love him to have a sibling. I'd want him to have a brother though so might be gutted if I had a second and it was a girl!!

It seems majority of people would really love girls whereas id love 2 little boys close in age🙂

RickiRaccoon · 27/01/2025 03:45

I have a boy and a girl. Now I have one of each, I'd want a 3rd to be a girl. I don't know why for sure but maybe just because the clothes are more fun. I try and get some exciting (sparkly etc) boy clothes but it's less available than for girls.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/01/2025 04:10

Before I had dd I really wanted a girl. In hindsight I didn’t want a girl. I wanted a chance to nurture a girl because I didn’t feel nurtured and in some way put things right for me. I quickly saw how unrealistic that is as dd is person in her own right and got counselling. I also see how amazing boys are, especially teenage boys, who often get a bad rap. And I know I would have loved having a boy just as much.

MollyRover · 27/01/2025 05:19

Definitely wanted one of each and feel blessed that I got what I wanted- rarely happens!!

coldscottishmum · 27/01/2025 06:52

DC1 - no preference, had a boy
DC2 - desperately wanted another boy, had another boy (my eldest was and still is such a sweet boy)
DC3 - final baby, I have no preference. Although DH would like a girl this time round but there will be no dissappintment if it’s another boy 🥰

Thornybush · 27/01/2025 07:02

I hoped for a girl with my first but I was so excited to be pregnant. If she had been a boy I still would have been over the moon.
Hoped for a boy with dc2 and that's what I got again. Felt so lucky to have one of each.
We didn't find out until birth with them either which made it so special.

mrsed1987 · 27/01/2025 07:11

I always wanted a boy, and got one.

Then second time round I wanted another boy but my DS wanted a sister! We found out at the 20 week scan he was another boy and it was such a mixture of emotions as I was so happy but knew DS would be sad!

Ds2 is 9 months old now and ds1 loves him so much the thought of having a sister is long gone!

AmateurNoun · 27/01/2025 07:40

I imagined having/preferred to have a girl.

I had a boy.

I thought if I had a boy, I would want to keep trying until I had a girl.

However, DS is perfect and I am relieved that all the social stuff is generally easier with boys than girls. I am happy sticking with one but if I had another I would prefer a boy.

Crumpetandcake · 27/01/2025 08:08

I had a slight preference for a girl the first time. I found out I was having a boy and I did have some very slight feelings of disappointment (or maybe just less excitement than I’d have had if it was a girl). He turned out to be the most fabulous baby ever, really easy and chill. He’s a great toddler, funny, caring, outgoing, enthusiastic and independent.

When I got pregnant for the second time when he was 16 months old I wanted another boy because I loved him so much I just wanted the same again 😂.
Turns out she was a girl, she’s also fantastic and exactly what I wanted too.
Her brother is so lovely to her and they have the sweetest relationship ever. I wouldn’t change either of them!