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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you had a gender preference?

134 replies

recordingthedetails · 26/01/2025 19:43

Under the cloak of anonymity. (And I know it’s sex not gender but I’m not writing sex preferences.)

I’ll be honest and admit I really didn't want all boys. I am not sure why - I've never been a hugely girly girl but I suppose I am in some respects and I also wanted a relationship with a daughter as I lost my own mum young.

I ended up with a boy first, which I'll admit I was a bit worried about. It took me a while to get used to the idea to be honest, partly because everyone I knew who had a baby around the same time had a girl, and I did feel a bit jealous and as if I was on the outside of an exclusive girl club. I went on to have another child who was a girl. Still feel a bit as if I’m an outlier with the original girl gang though.

So YABU - no preference and YANBU had a preference.

OP posts:
Ohshutupcolinyoutwat · 26/01/2025 20:16

Yes first pregnancy I really wanted a girl and got one, second I really wanted a boy and got one. It is lovely to experience both a son and a daughter.

TRACKOK · 26/01/2025 20:16

My first and second I didn't mind, was just happy to have a healthy baby. With my third I was hoping for a girl purely because we could not agree on a boy's name. Luckily I got my wish, though it still took us ages to name her. She's 7 months now but my second still calls her the baby or baby girl most of the time.

TheGoogleMum · 26/01/2025 20:17

Wanted girls. Got 1 of each (girl first). No disappointment when DS was actually born thankfully, he's got me wrapped round his little finger now (he's nearly 2)

TENSsion · 26/01/2025 20:18

Really wanted a girl for my third. I had a girl and a boy already. He’s a boy and he’s absolutely delicious. I could just eat him… but the first few days I felt like I’d got the wrong baby. I couldn’t name him for a week because I couldn’t call him Josephine 🤣

TrixieFatell · 26/01/2025 20:20

I didn't care what gender I had, no matter what number child.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 26/01/2025 20:21

I’ve got 2 girls and a boy. I was delighted when I found out DD1 was a girl because I would get to use my favourite name. I was convinced DD2 was a boy so felt massive confusion when they said girl again at the scan. I did feel a bit sad at that point for the baby boy I thought I was having but also delighted for another girl. DS was not planned and we were perfectly happy with our two girls. He is such a delight though even if I did feel some trepidation as I’ve no experience with baby boys.

I have the best of all worlds in that I’ve got both sexes. However, so far (DS is only 10mo), it’s not been all that different having a boy. My girls are both so different anyway.

Harveypuss · 26/01/2025 20:21

First pregnancy, I didn't care which. Had a girl first. Second pregnancy, I really wanted a boy. Feel very fortunate that's what we got. Got my one of each and we were done! I'm sure I would have loved two girls had it turned out that way, though would we have gone again for a 3rd pregnancy in the hope of a boy? Don't know! Life has been quite straightforward for us with the two kids to be honest. They are adults in their 20s now and both wonderful young people (I'm biased, obviously!)

JMSA · 26/01/2025 20:21

TENSsion · 26/01/2025 20:18

Really wanted a girl for my third. I had a girl and a boy already. He’s a boy and he’s absolutely delicious. I could just eat him… but the first few days I felt like I’d got the wrong baby. I couldn’t name him for a week because I couldn’t call him Josephine 🤣

Joseph Grin

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 26/01/2025 20:22

I had a boy first, and then he died, when I got pregnant again I was really apprehensive in case it was a boy. I wouldn't say it was a preference, there was just a lot of messed up thinking happening about my son somehow being replaced.

I had 2 more sons, and, after short periods of the initial weird feeling I was delighted.

I then had a little girl who sadly died as well. When I got pregnant again I had that same feeling of apprehension, but was blessed with 4 more daughters over the next few years.

So not quite a preference, but some very discombobulated feelings.

BodenCardiganNot · 26/01/2025 20:22

I wanted one of each. And that's what I got.

tobee · 26/01/2025 20:23

I wanted 2 girls. Just like my sister & I! My first was a girl, my second was a girl but stillborn. Then I had a boy and it's completely brilliant. But really it became obvious that all that mattered was my healthy baby. There's no question of my son replacing the daughter that died. She was her own self and so is my son.

Original poster
recordingthedetails · 26/01/2025 20:23

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 26/01/2025 20:22

I had a boy first, and then he died, when I got pregnant again I was really apprehensive in case it was a boy. I wouldn't say it was a preference, there was just a lot of messed up thinking happening about my son somehow being replaced.

I had 2 more sons, and, after short periods of the initial weird feeling I was delighted.

I then had a little girl who sadly died as well. When I got pregnant again I had that same feeling of apprehension, but was blessed with 4 more daughters over the next few years.

So not quite a preference, but some very discombobulated feelings.

I’m not surprised you had some troubled feelings. You’ve been through a lot. I hope your children bring you joy Flowers

OP posts:
InDogweRust · 26/01/2025 20:24

Wasn't fussed. Boys felt less familiar because i grew up in family with only daughters but i had DS first and he's my gorgeous boy. I had a few miscarriages and honestly did not care a jot about gender. Had DD second and her & DS are just the loveliest pair of kids.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 26/01/2025 20:24

recordingthedetails · 26/01/2025 20:23

I’m not surprised you had some troubled feelings. You’ve been through a lot. I hope your children bring you joy Flowers

Show quote history

They are my everything, I'm very lucky, thank you ❤️

Acc0untant · 26/01/2025 20:25

I had a girl first. At the time I had no preference, in fact I think if pressed I'd have said I wanted a boy.

When it came to my second I was hoping for a girl purely because I'd saved 3-4 years worth of girls clothes and it would save me money. But that was a purely practical reason, if my second had been a boy I'd have been over the moon but just with a little bit less money!

Nina9870 · 26/01/2025 20:27

Wasn’t bothered either way with my first and had a girl. Then with my second I secretly hoped for another girl, not entirely sure why, and I got another girl.
however if I had a third, I think I’d like a boy!

MugsyBalonz · 26/01/2025 20:30

First time around I wasn't bothered.

Second time I wanted the opposite sex to DC1 (and got it).

Third time I wanted the same sex as DC1 because I'd put DC1 in the larger bedroom and I couldn't be bothered to switch everything around, plus I thought DC1 needed a pal to share a room with whereas DC2 was more solitary by nature. I got what I wanted.

Fourth time I wanted the same sex as DC2 because that's what DC2 was hoping for. Again, I got what I wanted and ended up with two of each.

I was confident by 6wks of pregnancy that I knew the sex based on food cravings/aversions and pregnancy symptoms and I was right about it too.

SarahAndQuack · 26/01/2025 20:31

It's such a complicated, emotive question, isn't it? As this thread proves.

Both my ex-P and I really wanted a girl, because we're both women and we thought we'd be terribly ill-equipped to deal with a boy. As it happens we did have a DD so we never had to rethink! But, it's not a totally trivial question, is it?

Overthebow · 26/01/2025 20:32

I wanted two children and a girl. My first was a girl so when it came to DC2 I didn’t have a preference. I got DS. If we were to have a third DC I’d want another boy.

FloralMoon · 26/01/2025 20:35

I really thought I’d be a bit disappointed if the scan showed a boy but the moment the sonographer told us we had a boy on the way I was grinning from ear to ear and haven’t stopped since (first child and he’s now 7 months). I wasn’t even slightly disappointed which was such a relief.

If we do have another child I can really imagine having two boys and just absolutely loving it. I’d be so happy with a daughter too though! So I guess I don’t really mind either way..

SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 26/01/2025 20:36

Would’ve been grateful for either (IVF baby!) but when I found out that DD was a girl it was really the cherry on top. I had convinced myself that she was a boy so was delighted with the news

She’s 20 now - I’ll be honest that I really don’t envy boy mums! The relationship dynamic is just so different. DD and I are very close and go out for shopping days, lunches, trips to the theatre etc together. I loved doing all of the typical girly stuff with her when she was younger. It sounds petty but even when shopping for friends baby boys I find their clothing section so underwhelming compared to the baby girls’ one!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 26/01/2025 20:37

I really didn’t mind with my first. We had DD1. I did not find out in advance what we were having.

DD1 was 3 when DD2 was born. She had kept talking about wanting a sister so I hoped for her sake we would have another girl.

DS was born when I was nearly 45, his sisters were 10 and 7, and after several pregnancy losses. I really didn’t mind what we were having; though I expected him to be another girl. I found it slightly frustrating that several people commented on me having “a boy at last”.

MissFancyDay · 26/01/2025 20:37

When I was pregnant with my first I wanted a boy and we had a girl. And when pregnant with my second I wanted another girl because she was so great, and got a boy haha.

But I'm so grateful that I had what I had because I just can't imagine having any other combination. I think that's what usually happens.

Barleycat · 26/01/2025 20:38

I only wanted boys and luckily got two

Mayflyoff · 26/01/2025 20:40

I wanted a girl first time round, so convinced myself I was having a boy, so I wouldn't be disappointed. She was girl. Second time around, I really didn't mind and had another girl. I had what felt like a revelation when told "it's a girl" that I would never have a son. And I felt totally neutral about it, I just didn't care.

The main thing I've learnt from my DDs is that you don't have 'a boy' or 'a girl', you have that completely individual child. Even if we'd found out that we were having girls before they were born, we'd still have known virtually nothing about them. They are so very different to each other, which just reinforces that sense of them being utterly individual.