To not be fussed about shaven legs and swimming

[ArchesOfWisteria]

In my mid 40s I have lost the urge to remove body hair much, particularly in winter. If anything I find it’s better for my skin, no rashes or bumps under my arms, less sweating under my arms. Easier with sensitive skin.

I kind of presumed that no one cares that much- I certainly don’t care if other people have a preference to wax completely or not shave at all.

I went swimming with an acquaintance and she seemed shocked, a bit horrified even, at my legs. I stated I am comfortable, made a light joke my husband is supportive. But she brought it up again like it’s a big deal. ‘Especially as you are so fair skinned with black hair’ was her last comment (I am, not particularly super hair, average but with black hair).

Are other women actually bothered about shaving when it comes to others? Do you notice? I don’t in the pool! Obviously we all have our personal preferences for our own bodies, but does this for extend to being in anyway affronted by what another woman does. She stated hers is the typical view, but I may have more ‘European’ standards.

For context, if anyone askes, I’m quite average in most ways. Healthy weight, clean hair and clothing etc.

yanbu- I’m not really that bothered about what others do, as long as I can exercise my own personal freedom without comment

yabu- I think it’s a bit yucky on others and I do judge natural body hair in the pool

As a surfer, I've worn shorts - mostly jammer length - for years. It's not about modesty, it's little about practicality, it's a lot about comfort. I don't have body hang ups, in fact, I take any padding out of my tankini or bikini tops and don't wear padded bras.

Funny that you picked 2 'normal everyday things' that are very much about hygiene and sanitation. You didn't pick having a morning cuppa, or opening the bedroom curtains....

You don't understand because your taking what I said wrongly iv said it repeatedly I used brushing your teeth and flushing the loo as examples I do without thinking just like shaving it's just part of my routine for me. Would people understand better if I said putting a seat belt on its not something I put thought in to I just do it

I take baby swimming every Friday to a class and sometimes I don’t shave my legs and I generally never shave my armpits, sometimes I feel self conscious but no one even looks, shes obviously just insecure.

I no longer give two shits about this sort of thing I have body hair (in places it shouldn’t be - lockdown was a revelation!!); go out (even out/out) with no makeup; air dry my wild wavy hair… I’m comfortable with that and often get told I don’t look my age. I NEVER judge anyone on their choices, so don’t expect to be judged on mine xx

Also, this raises the assumption that shaving every day or more than once a week or so is healthy. It's really not. I'm all for personal preference but every day is unhealthy.

No, fuck that. I don’t bother if I don’t want to. Your friend was incredibly rude - she can shave if she wants to but it’s literally nothing to do with her if you shave or not.

How is it unhealthy?

But it’s not a question of safety, like wearing a seat belt, is it. If you know it’s not at all important and it’s just something you do because it’s an unthinking part of your routine, why would you be shocked if someone else didn’t do it, or mention it to them, as you said you would?

Again, seat belts have a purpose. Shaving your legs has no purpose other than conforming to external beauty standards,

Well you think of an example of something you just do on a regular basis without thinking about it I would only be shocked if one of my close friends suddenly stopped shaving as they always have

I never, ever have unshaven anything except my head! On ME personally I think it's gross! I like the feeling of smooth everything, i think hairy armpits on ME look grotesque and I don't want pubic hair. So, no, I wouldn't go swimming with hairy anything!

However, I couldn't give a shiny shite whether anyone else does, how close do people get that they notice what level someone's Hairyometer is up to?

I sound like a prat but I do lots of other things to myself, like creams, makeup, hair etc, mid 30s, like to look nice, don't like to shave my legs though - your friend would be aghast at the sight of my pins, the hairs are SO long! And my armpits too - just not my thing. Am smooth everywhere else (not sure if she was policing bikini lines or just legs)

Really though? There is no part of a woman's body that doesn't have some sort if "ideal" attached to it.
I have fever seen anything for men about smoothing the skin on their knees or .elbows, No one gives a shit if they have cankles or a crepey décolletage. They are happy with eyelashes they've got.

I'd love to think the youth have got over the obsession with women having to adhere to weird beauty standards. But not sure we are there yet.

You've got way too much time on your hands if you notice your friends' shaving habits.

I’m 42, brought up in Spain (relevant). I haven’t fully stopped leg and armpit hair removal as I can’t quite rid myself of the indoctrination I had as a teen, however especially in winter i now go to the pool with hairy legs yes.

my mother is horrified and would/does comment.

i think its all patriarchal bullshit to be honest. We should be free to do what the hell we want with our bodies, and as a busy mum, those extra 20-25 mins in the week not spent epilating are not to be sniffed at!!.

you know what they say - it suits corporate business for women to feel not good enough, so we continue to spend money on hair dye, perfume, cosmetics, etc etc etc

I would say it also suits to keep us busy with such pursuits, rather than free to spend that time how we please

Gender crap.

I wear dresses occasionally but I haven’t worn high heels or makeup for about 30 years & the part of my body I shave most is my head, although I haven’t done that for quite a while.

The idea that being a ‘proper’ woman is related to whether someone conforms to social expectations, not just to biology, is closely linked to the even more stupid idea that a man in a dress & makeup should be called ‘she’.

I’m not suggesting that anyone on this thread thinks that but do you see the parallels?

Don’t give a scooby about women with unshaven legs, and probably wouldn’t notice anyway , but there is a man who swims at the same time as me and his back hair is like a rug, and that does make me cringe.

#doublestandardsbutdontcare.

Apologies, I thought you said you.do.it without thinking.

I often find myself questioning things I do or have always done automatically, and have gone down some fascinating rabbit holes!

I agree! Although I wouldn’t say anything.

I think the OPs ‘footballer’ leg hair would make me feel a bit grim.

i feel similarly when men have lots of back and chest hair too.

i concur that it’s something you just do, I shower every day so everyday I give my legs, armpits and fanny a quick whizz over with the razor. It takes two mins as I do it everyday.

I don't shave but wax . I do it because I prefer the look n feel of being hair free and it's more socially acceptable. If you don't care about societal norms and you prefer not to shave then don't .

But why would you have felt the need to say something and feel shocked? You said you would feel shocked in your first post and feel you had to say something. Why?

If someone said something to me I’d respond with confusion & just keep asking why they were saying that.

Again you've used an example though of something mandatory, unacceptable not to do. It's a huge safety issue not to wear a seat belt?
Its not a 'shocking' choice not to remove body hair, nor is it one that has any consequence at all for anyone? It just is not comparable to the habitual use of a seat belt, that's ingrained into us due to its importance!

I don't shave often. I'm happy to swim and I've only once had comments from a particularly bitchy group of female teenagers. I called them out on it and I hope I've brought up mine better than that.