WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

It's awful what your friend and I appreciate the anxiety. But I've been a victim of a serious sexual assault and I'm still against tracking of young adults. A tracking device would have absolutely no bearing on what happened to me.

Even given what happened to me, I still believe young people need to be left alone to enjoy nights out etc without constant monitoring. A previous poster who's friend was tragically murdered has also said the same.

There's been some extreme overreaction and hysteria on here. Getting lost coming out the toilets and wandering outside is a complete non event. It in absolutely no way justifies the OP driving an hour and a half to book a hotel. All these posts of "stern words" "immaturity" and "problem drinking" are completely batshit. She's a 21 year old enjoying a night away with friends. The drinking from 11am is only a problem if it happens every day, it sounds completey normal behaviour for a person away on a weekend away.

I often made sure to let people know where I was going to be on a night out and when.

Which isn't the same as 24 hour tracking

"I'm going to a few pubs and l probably be back about 12"
Isn't the same as "why are you on St Street when you said you'd be at Far Street?"

"Hang on Mr Sexy, I just need to tell my mother I'm leaving the pub and going back to yours else she'll worry and turn up at your house"

@GLP1U5er I would have felt EXACT same as you. I would def talk to her when you next see her and mention how worried you were and remind her of dangers of getting separated from friends in a strange/new city being drunk. 🩷

I mean this with kindness .what did you get up too at 21 ? Would you of appreciated your mum behaveing like this of course your going to worry but it sounds like she has good friends and she is an adult.

She's 21, why are you tracking her?

Did you never get drunk at 21?

Life is full of risks, we can't keep them safe unfortunately.

Your post made this all very clear. I went to university in another country at 18. Was going on weekend trips with friends at 17. Tracking your adult child, calling during a night out to check up, ringing her friends, and deciding to travel to her location is not normal.

I would def talk to her when you next see her and mention how worried you were

Hugely unfair to dd to make her responsible for op's worry.

Firstly, it doesn't sound as if there was anything to worry about - she briefly lost her friends then found them again - and secondly, op wouldn't have known anything about it if she had just left her dd alone to enjoy her evening.

in this instance, tracking didn't bring peace of mind. It caused anxiety. I don't suppose dd would even have thought it worth mentioning that she took a wrong turn out of the loo if she was telling her mother about the evening at a later date

😂😂

Not even that can you imagine being the 21 year old in a group of friends when you're on a night away, who's mum phones to check in on a night out and then rocks up uninvited and unannounced to a hotel nearby to be "on hand" because you briefly got seperated from your friends while getting lost coming out the toilet. Even considering it is absolutely insane. It's a quick way to ensure your daughter becomes a social pariah with such an overbearing and over involved mother.

I agree, I feel like because this kind of technology is available to track people and be in constant contact it’s encouraging behaviour that otherwise would’ve been rightfully considered unnecessary, paranoid and controlling.

Just because you ‘can’ do something doesn’t mean you should. It’s normalising bat shit behaviour!

This was exactly my thinking 🤣 to the PP tracking her adult son to make sure he gets home ok, what happens when he doesn’t want to go home (which as an adult he’s perfectly entitled to do!!)

What a passion killer, phone ringing off the hook, mum showing up at the door, probably ringing 999 reporting a kidnapping, how embarrassing!?

My colleagues are quite diverse in our ages, from people older than 50-something me, to students at university. One night, after our shift, we all went out to the local pub for a couple of drinks, nothing raucous or outrageous. I was sitting next to a 21 year old man, who's phone pinged with a text message from his mum, who lives in another town, stating that she was extremely worried as he hadn't yet told him that he had safely walked the 10 minutes home from work through a very safe area.
I am not ashamed to say that I told him to lie and say that he was home and to get on and enjoy his evening.
It's not healthy, for the young person to be responsible for someone else's anxiety or for a parent to be so involved in a young adult's life. It's severely curtailing for all parties involved. The young man has recently told me that he is having counselling to help cope with his mother being over involved in his life.
I'd advise OP to seek help for thier anxiety to allow her and her adult daughter to live independent lives, along side each other but not smothering each other.

This thread has reminded me of the time I was away with friends, text my mother a message which she didn't reply to because "you are an adult, out having fun. Don't worry about telling me. I only need to know when you're coming home"

I grew up with an overprotective mother but some of these posters are next level. I can't even begin to imagine my mother displaying the hysteria some of these posters display. My mum didn't really give a shit what I was up to a night out, where I went or who I was with or if she did she never showed it. The extent of my mum getting involved in my nights out would be her laughing at my hangover and asking if I'd had a good night the next morning.

Children and adult children are not responsible for managing their parents anxiety by giving them a running commentary on their nights out. It's quite sad, that the damage some of these parents are doing to their own children by being so over involved and over bearing of their children and this inability to let go of adult children. The result being as demonstrated in a previous post, young people seeking counselling to help cope with this.

They probably know op has anxiety and is overprotective so they respond kindly.

My dd has a friend who's parents are like op. All the friend group know what the parents are like and are kind and helpful to them, answering phone calls and texts to help alleviate their worry.
But the friend also complains how intrusive and overbearing they are.

Your post this morning doesn't add anything new, or anything that changes your weird behaviour at all @GLP1U5er

When you have adult children, you do not need to know where they are every minute of every day. It really isn't any of your business. Tracking where she is throughout the night / evening is very, very unhealthy.

It really isn't normal for a family of adults to be tracking each other to monitor when they get home. It's massively paranoid and controlling.

I'm near enough your age, why on earth does your mum need to track your every move?!
Can't imagine mine tracking me, and I wouldn't want her to!
Talk about intrusive.
Just because tracking adults every move is common for some, doesn't make it normal behaviour!

Yep.
I lived and worked abroad from 21 years after college.
It is EXACTLY the shit I got up to that makes me worried and I was actually security conscious.

Some MN posters cannot stand parents who care about their children and cherish them.

My childrens safety is a priority.
I picked up all 4 of them NYE when in our city the weather was shite and taxis were Hens teeth.
Why?
Because when I knew they were home and safe, I slept well.
I love my children and didn't want them walking home in pouring rain to make a point.
I will be dead and gone long enough and am happy to be a parent who will text snd say don't walk, I am happy to collect at 3am.
A friend of mine told me years ago of the absolute devastation wrought on her cousin whose daughter was assaulted, pissed walking home from a university party 5 minutes away from where she lived.
Nothing her parents could have done.
But they definitely saw the awful consequences for their child.

If me collecting at 3am reduces the possibility of this while my beyond precious children are out and about enjoying their youth, I'm happy to be a parent that says, call me I'll collect you and your friends and drop you all home.

I'm so grateful to be able to be there for them.

OP, delighted to read she got back safely 🙏.

Oh and my parents never asked how I got home, it never occurred to them.
Middle class parental neglect is not a model I want to emulate thanks.

It’s not middle class parental neglect to not ask your 21 year old adult daughter how she got home. Many 21 year olds live away from home or abroad like you did. I’m surprised you expected that of your parents when you were an adult. They probably presumed you were capable because you were plenty old enough to sort your own lift home. Emergencies are different of course but it’s very standard for adults in their 20s to get taxis home.

Oh and my parents never asked how I got home, it never occurred to them

I don't ask my adult kid how they got home, not because it doesn't occur to me, of course it does.
I appreciate they're an adult though and why would I ask how they got home whenever they went out?

The comments about her being 21, adult and to be left alone are dangerously moronic IMO

What do you mean? That she shouldn't be able to go out of the house without being tracked and her parents nearby in a hotel?

There's a world of difference between "if you're stuck on a night out and can't get back/get split up, then give me a call and I'll come collect you (if I can)" and "you got separated from your friends for a few minutes, I only know this because I call you on a night out to check in, and so I'm going to drive 2 hours just to hang around and obsessively watch you on the tracker"

Oh and my parents never asked how I got home, it never occurred to them

Maybe because you lived and worked in another country and it wasn't really any of their business?

Yes! If my mum tried to track me, a 40 year old mum, I'd tell her where to go.