To not reciprocate 3am pick ups by other Mum?

[bringmetolife]

DD and three friends go clubbing in a town 13 miles away about two Saturdays a month. There isn’t a great nightlife for teens in our town, there are several pubs, some are open late, but it’s pretty tame and I understand why they go further afield.

DD’s friend’s Mum started collecting them in October when her daughter and her BF broke up (he used to do it for petrol money and the others would contribute, there were three originally but now another has turned 18) I was incredulous when DD told me she was collecting them at at 3am, sometimes later, I gave DD cash to give her for petrol but she wouldn’t take it, I get that, I’d probably feel awkward about it too. So I bought a voucher for a local restaurant that I know she and her DH like, and put it in a Christmas card for her. Based on what I know about the other two, I think they have probably not offered anything.

For context, there is no Uber where we live, and a taxi home is about £50-£60.

So here is the AIBU - yesterday the driving Mum sent a WhatsApp to me and the other two Mums (no Dad’s mentioned or included) basically saying (nicely and reasonably) that she’s had enough, and that she’d like to be able to plan more things for herself at weekends (perfectly reasonable) She said about how we all know the risks to girls (I don’t disagree) and that to keep them safe, perhaps we could start a rota so that we take it in turns to collect them. I can’t think of anything worse, after a long week at work giving up my Saturday night (and my glass or three of Chardonnay) to go and collect three pissed teenagers in the middle of the night.

I replied saying that she’s a bloody hero for doing it as long as she did, and I totally get why she doesn’t want to continue. But that I’m not up for doing the lifts, sorry. I suggested that I can speak to DD about pre-booking a taxi (the service that used to take my DS to school, DBS checked, well known to us and only three drivers, all of which we know) One other Mum replied that she can’t as her husband is disabled but didn’t really suggest anything. Radio silence from the other one. Slightly frosty reply from driving Mum today saying if nobody else is going to do it tonight then she will have to. But then something else will have to be sorted long term.

AIBU? I’m really not up for getting up at that time and doing a thirty mile journey unless it’s an emergency. A taxi would be £12.50-£15 each, the girls should factor this into their night out. I’m happy to pay it for DD while she’s still studying.

YABU- I’m being a selfish ungrateful arse, she’s done it for weeks, now it’s my turn to share the load.

YANBU - the girls can book a taxi, they need to start taking responsibility for this stuff to prepare for uni and nobody should be guilted into getting up at 3am!

Yep my Mum worked nights. She was permanently exhausted, bless her. I made my own way home and was perfectly capable of doing so from the age of 16. I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking her.

Once every couple of months, I would but I’m a night owl.
I’d also be encouraging driving lessons.

You responded to a chain of posts where I said below.

I think the decent to do would be to give your dd the full taxi money.

You’ve jumped into a chain of posts without understanding it all so the issue is your comprehension.

Definitely being unreasonable. It’s not every Saturday and it’s part of having teenagers. This will have repercussions for your daughter too, you’re so selfish and embarrassing. You don’t want to give up your bottle of booze to do your bit with the collecting? Grow up!! 😡

I would just suggest each parent takes it and turns to pay for the full taxi fare then no one has to get out of bed at stupid o’clock! YANBU and neither is she for wanting a contribution from you all

If you are teaching your teenagers they can swan off on nights out without having to worry about paying for a taxi or how to get home they will be spoilt brats that have no comprehension of the value of money, sacrifice or planning ahead. At 18 years old, if they want to go out drinking they need to learn to plan how they’ll get home without expecting a free taxi ride

They’re not ten year olds getting picked up from brownies. They are adults choosing to go clubbing until 3am. They need to work out themselves how to get home. If they can’t afford it they don’t go out. Or they go to a local pub within walking distance. Or go to a gathering at someone’s house.

It is not for parents to facilitate 18 year olds social life..

What will happen when they go to uni in September? It’s suddenly all safe for them to go out clubbing and get a cab home then…

The girls who are going clubbing need to factor in the cost of a pre booked pre checked taxi from a reputable taxi firm .
Since there are 3 or 4 of them they will be safe if they stay together and look out for each other .
My parents would never have picked me up , in fact when I was only 15 I was at a friend’s house for the evening and I asked my mum if she would fetch me at 10.30 pm ( autumn) she refused and I walked home alone 😱 about 2 -2.5 miles.
We didn’t live in a completely dodgy area but it wasn’t “ nice “

Learning to drive wouldn't help if they were all wanting to go out clubbing and drinking though 😕

Not true you replied to me and quoted me

I used to do this every 3 weeks or so for my daughter and her friends. I would rather know she was home safe and I honestly didn’t mind. I used to go to sleep on the sofa fully dressed, and then when she called I would go pick them all up. I don’t think the mum is being unreasonable at all. Between the 4 of you it’s only once a month at most.

The other mum has taken it upon herself to do the pick ups though. She shouldn't be roping others in.
Having enough money to get home after a night out clubbing is part of the experience and learning independence/how to budget - how is it helping for the parents to cough the taxi fares home?

Er, no, you replied to me.

See this is the sort of thing that spoils this generation . If they go clubbing , so assuming they are over 18, then surely returning home safely should be planned by them , not their parents Let them grow up without all this unnecessary parenting . They are adults .

@Buzyizzy21

lol are you really begrudging Op some well earned chill time with a couple of glasses of wine after the end of a long week? Do you really think that’s too much to ask for?? If so, you’re a martyr.

I agree. I also would do this for my husband and he would do the same for me

How the world has changed! When I was young and stayed out late my parents, who ran a pub, locked all the doors - I had no key. I remember climbing through a toilet window with the help of a step ladder, Enough of the reminiscences!

You are correct I did answer on yours. Sorry about that
As I said though you specifically asked where the dd had said she was happy to get a taxi. You didn't ask where did the dd say she was happy to pay £60 for a taxi on her own.

I was just coming to edit, I've posted further down apologising for that as well and explaining further

I can’t imagine how embarassed I’d be at 18 years old having my mum messaging my friends mums about lifts, they’re adults, they need to grow TF up. Once my kids hit 16 there is no reason for me to be communicating with their friends parents I can tell you that for sure, very strange behaviour for mummy and daddy to be running their grown ass adult children around for nights out. Changing bedding, washing clothes, lifts should stop the minute they turn 18 so they can get ready for adulthood!!

I agree. If something happened to them, you’d have the rest of your life feeling guilty that alcohol was more important than your daughters wekfare

Nooooo giving up your weekend they are 18 and old enough to go clubbing .
The idea of having someone you know dbs checked is a great idea and taxi fare split between the girls.
Just because another mum has done it doesn't mean you have too, it's her insecurities she is dealing with on not wanting anyone else apart from parents collect them ( that's her problem) let her be frosty and let her go pick them up if she insists!!

Be straight with her it's a booked taxi or nothing.

why can't your husband do it?

Oh I agree there’s no bloody way you’d catch me doing it for my children, but if they are all happy to accept lifts or contribute to their own child’s portion of the fare then the mums who want to to the lifts can on and the nights they don’t the other parents should cover the bill for all of them.

i would tell my child to make sure they can afford a full taxi fare if they want to go clubbing 15 miles away and stop scrounging

Yep totally agree on creating a monster...