To not reciprocate 3am pick ups by other Mum?

[bringmetolife]

DD and three friends go clubbing in a town 13 miles away about two Saturdays a month. There isn’t a great nightlife for teens in our town, there are several pubs, some are open late, but it’s pretty tame and I understand why they go further afield.

DD’s friend’s Mum started collecting them in October when her daughter and her BF broke up (he used to do it for petrol money and the others would contribute, there were three originally but now another has turned 18) I was incredulous when DD told me she was collecting them at at 3am, sometimes later, I gave DD cash to give her for petrol but she wouldn’t take it, I get that, I’d probably feel awkward about it too. So I bought a voucher for a local restaurant that I know she and her DH like, and put it in a Christmas card for her. Based on what I know about the other two, I think they have probably not offered anything.

For context, there is no Uber where we live, and a taxi home is about £50-£60.

So here is the AIBU - yesterday the driving Mum sent a WhatsApp to me and the other two Mums (no Dad’s mentioned or included) basically saying (nicely and reasonably) that she’s had enough, and that she’d like to be able to plan more things for herself at weekends (perfectly reasonable) She said about how we all know the risks to girls (I don’t disagree) and that to keep them safe, perhaps we could start a rota so that we take it in turns to collect them. I can’t think of anything worse, after a long week at work giving up my Saturday night (and my glass or three of Chardonnay) to go and collect three pissed teenagers in the middle of the night.

I replied saying that she’s a bloody hero for doing it as long as she did, and I totally get why she doesn’t want to continue. But that I’m not up for doing the lifts, sorry. I suggested that I can speak to DD about pre-booking a taxi (the service that used to take my DS to school, DBS checked, well known to us and only three drivers, all of which we know) One other Mum replied that she can’t as her husband is disabled but didn’t really suggest anything. Radio silence from the other one. Slightly frosty reply from driving Mum today saying if nobody else is going to do it tonight then she will have to. But then something else will have to be sorted long term.

AIBU? I’m really not up for getting up at that time and doing a thirty mile journey unless it’s an emergency. A taxi would be £12.50-£15 each, the girls should factor this into their night out. I’m happy to pay it for DD while she’s still studying.

YABU- I’m being a selfish ungrateful arse, she’s done it for weeks, now it’s my turn to share the load.

YANBU - the girls can book a taxi, they need to start taking responsibility for this stuff to prepare for uni and nobody should be guilted into getting up at 3am!

Righto. If you're happy getting up at all hours to be used as a taxi then that's up to you.

Pretty embarrassing for your family who can't take responsibility for themselves but hey ho, we're all different.

There is no update saying OP’s dd is happy to just get her own taxi and pay £60.

Because both OP and her dd (and all the other dds and their parents) are relying on scrounging lifts from this poor mum.

I really hope she tells the other girls to make their own fucking way.

Whatever🤣 feel sorrythats your attitude towards your children, you sound extremely cold to be fair.

What’s stopping the other 3 girls getting their own taxi? No one’s holding a gun to their head to go with the nice mum.

@fairycakes1234

its a fact 🤷‍♀️ absolutely not cold. I’m sure your son wants to be treated like a grown up

No force on earth would make me collect at 3am, and I have an 18yo and 16yo, they don’t need to go there clubbing twice a month and if they do they can prebook the taxi you mentioned, I’d say “Im sorry but I don’t see it as essential so I’m not going to be part of a rota, they’re not little ones being collected from Brownies I understand you’ve put yourself out collecting them until now but please step down and let them sort themselves out” I’m sure work and deadlines will soon dampen their enthusiasm for clubbing anyway your daughter doesn’t need you to finance her night out travel just because she’s studying either. sweet dreams

It is based on where we all live really isn't. Where I live taxis and easy to get and when I was 18 buses ran frequently (they're rubbish now) so could go out and get last bus home if needed.

She knows she doesn't need to ask.

If I was 30 (or 18) and my Mum offered to stay up until 2/3 am to pick me up I’d say ‘no way I’ll get a taxi’. I’d never expect that. Some entitled children on here.

Exactly. The girls and their parents have just shamelessly taken without any thought to the inconvenience they’re causing.

There absolutely is and here it is for you as apparently you can't read, but are quite happy to slag the op and her dd off.

Thank you for all the replies, I’m surprised that so many people are happy to do the early hours pick ups but it’s been really helpful to hear that other perspective. To answer a few questions:
Yes there really, really is no uber!
DD is learning to drive, but not passed her test yet. I think one of the girls has passed her test but it would fall on her a bit unfairly at the moment
DD is happy to get a taxi and i have said I will pay for this until she finish school - she pays for the rest of her social life from allowance/ wages.
DD told me this morning that driving Mum asked her a couple of things about the taxi company in the car, and she explained that they took her brother to school for years and that we use them regularly. So maybe we are getting close to a resolution.

What one mother does for her child is between her and child.

It’s these hangers-oners that need to be cut out.

I don’t think OP wanted the other woman to provide the lifts though? She wanted the girls to work it out themselves and either go out less frequently or get a taxi home. The other girls were probably rolling their eyes at someone’s Mum waiting outside the club for them.

Nope but if the mum is coming to pick the other girl up I doubt she'd want to leave her friends. But you're right they can get their own taxi. What I mean is that the kim has put this onto herself the girls aren't asking her to, if you see what I mean.

That was meant to say mum, no idea where Kim came from.

Now that the other mum has said op has given her solution which is reasonable that the girls get a taxi.

It’s your comprehension that’s lacking. OP has said upthread that she is willing to pay £12.50 / £15.00 for dd’s share of the taxi OR to pay the full taxi cost ONCE every 2 months.

That paragraph you quoted is just a reiteration of that!

Nowhere does it say that the dd is willing to pay the full £50/£60 herself every time they go clubbing.

@Delatron Safety is very much an issue, but for different reasons now to when my daughter was in her teens and not as streetwise. She converted to Islam three years ago, and now wears a hijab and traditional Muslim dress. The amount of hatred and abuse she gets is really concerning and seems to be even more extreme towards her as a very fair skinned white woman than it is towards other Muslim women I know. I don't feel she is at all safe travelling on her own late at night and is very vulnerable. I really don't understand why people are so mean about giving lifts to people they care about and maybe losing a couple of hours sleep - no-one I know in real life is like that!

What’s stopping them getting their own taxi? They could just tell the nice mum that we have taxi coming, no need to drop us.

When I wanted to go clubbing with friends I and they had to make our own way home. We sometimes borrowed a parent’s car, for which we re-imbursed petrol between us. Whoever drove did not drink. We were 17 and up, all had Saturday jobs or small allowance. If we ran out of funds we stayed home. None of us would ever have asked our parents for a lift @bringmetolife

But I think she’s had enough so I hope she just tells her dd that her friends have to make their own arrangements from next time.

These girl’s parents should proactively help their DD’s make other arrangements instead of scrounging lifts.

And when you look at my post that you first quoted I said she was happy to get a taxi and I said nothing about paying. And you never asked that question I've screen shot it here for you. You said she never said that so I was showing you that she had said she was happy to get a taxi.
My comprehension is not a problem. Your manners however really are! Do you get off on being rude to people, you flagged the op and her dd and now me. 🤷‍♀️

Totally agree, what I'm saying is that it's the other mums fault for it going on so long. But she totally should tell the girls to get a taxi, bot expect others to do the 3am pick up.

That’s a very specific situation and I can see why you would want to pick her up. I’m sorry she gets abuse and hatred. How awful for her.

Some entitled children on here.

I've been gobsmacked reading how some people took their dads for granted when they were younger. Dad picking up at 3am when he had to be up at 5am for work. Dad picking up in the early hours of Sunday when he worked six days a week and Saturday evening/Sunday was his only time to relax.

My dad did a lot of driving in the course of his job, visiting different sites around Greater London and beyond. It was made clear that we were not to expect him to run around after us at weekends. If we wanted to go somewhere, we made our own arrangements to get there and back, or we didn't go.