Parents V Teachers

[shoogalypeg]

Whilst I do have some sympathy for teachers in this current climate I can’t help but feel that if you can’t handle the heat then get out of the kitchen, which they’re doing in droves and this leaves mostly hardened, jaded individuals who have no business working with children.

I guess this leads onto a really important question:

What can parents do to improve things that doesn’t involve ignoring unprofessional behaviour from teachers?

YABU - cut teachers some slack/parents are powerless to change the system
YANBU - as a parent I’m worried AND feel I have a part to play

(if neither of the above options fit then please elaborate below)

Same situation. Exactly the same experience. Always amazed my state kid gets any grades when they have pretty much learned everything from a textbook due to the never ending disruption. Private school the interruptions are zero. Just does not happen.

Negative not mega

Also most state schools no longer have enough money for textbooks books. They get the grades because we're bloody good at what we do and able to manage behaviour and lack of resources and teach.

When I was training a teacher told me you can't be both a good teacher and a good parent. If you do a stellar job of one, the other will suffer.
It was the behaviour that ruined it for me. Inclusivity makes it hard but not impossible iif school has the resources. But having children who don't understand you're there to help them and treat you as the enemy is just demoralising and shit. Only one of my classes out of 6 was like it but it was enough to make me dread the week.

👏👏 thank you, thank you! I wish there were more parents like you! (The example of the unlabelled, lost cardigan was just 100% on the money and actually made me laugh - so ludicrous when you see it written down!)

This is kind. Thank you. I hope my attitude does rub off onto my children, it's hard to know if one is doing enough. There is a lot of talk on MN about teaching kids to be resilient too, and I am not sure how.

Do a majority of these parents with challenging children have those manners to impart? Or are they themselves insecure, volatile, lacking in intelligence, common sense, perhaps trapped by circumstances. I think something has to exist like an organisation, in Denmark they have something named, Mother's Help or did and you could go to them for help on all sorts of child development related issues. The school is not really a place to manage these issues as it's supposed to deliver an education not just manage the outbursts of troubled children for 6 hours a day!

I think your title shows that you have the problem, not teachers. "Teachers vs Parents" i don't see myself vs Parents. I'm a teacher. I work with my students and their parents. I'm doing my best in an already overcrowded, less funded classroom and believe it or not we have children, elderly parents, maybe losses or sicknesses of our own outside of teaching that we also deal with too just like you.

Unbelievably goady post!
The teachers leaving in droves are not just newly qualified teachers who realise it’s a bit more stressful than they imagined, it’s teachers who have taught for 10-20 years who just can’t do it anymore. Behaviour of students and increasingly their parents is totally out of control and there are few consequences. The problem is only going to get worse and I know of several schools who are really struggling to recruit. This sort of attitude is only going to make things worse.

Except reply

I’m a former teacher. I’ve worked with great people and awful people as a teacher. What is true is that it is a punishingly hard work job. No job before or since was as bone crunchingly tiring or stressful, even though I’ve worked hard in professional jobs since.

I try to help as a parent by letting little things slide, advocating (strongly at times) for my children if something isn’t right without being nasty and lavishing praise on the good teachers. To ‘just’ be doing a decent job is actually incredibly difficult and I go to town in my thanks and praise. I’ve written to the governors, I’ve given money for staff wellbeing, I’ve written to ofsted, I’ve contacted the headteacher to sing the praises of the good teachers because I know how very hard they work. To smile at my child each morning when they are that exhausted in and of itself deserves a medal! I don’t reserve my thanks and praise for teachers who do something overtly ‘above and beyond’. If they are still in teaching (and aren’t one of the bad apples on a power trip) they are someone very special who deserves to be profusely thanked.

YANB entirely unreasonable OP. Whilst I don’t think parents and teachers in general should be “vs” one another, there has in recent years been some shocking behaviour from adults working in schools, in both teaching and non teaching roles, who don’t like young people. Recruitment and retention are very low, the best quality candidates are no longer wanting to work in the system in it’s current condition. So the ones coming through now are not necessarily the best for the role, they are the willing ones. It’s a recipe for disaster to be honest.

What can parents do?

They can teach their children how to behave themselves and have a little respect, rather than allowing them to act like little thugs, who are nasty to other kids and rude to their teachers.

I also teach my children that teachers are human beings and make mistakes and sometimes we just have to forgive it and move on. I don’t teach them the adults always will get things right but nor do unfair things that happen always need to be ‘sorted out’. It happens. Sometimes you get told off for something you didn’t do, sometimes an adult is snappy. I try to humanise teachers and we wonder together what might have happened that day and now at 9 my youngest will often comment that his teacher was grumpy but he could understand why as X, Y or Z child had been playing up all afternoon! It helps that my children’s teacher are all are lovely, self aware, imperfect people doing their best. The proudest I’ve been of my youngest was at parents evening. His teacher said she was going to miss him in her class because when all the children had gone out to play he would sometimes come and find her and ask how she was doing because it had been a tough morning. Bless him. I am pretty anti establishment. I’m not a fan of arbitrary rules. But I think if children see their teachers as real people with lives and feelings and frustrations who deserve their kindness and empathy, then they won’t go too far wrong.

If you're being genuine, here's what you can do:

1. Consider if it really is a big deal / something that actually needs sorting or addressed.

1. Always be willing to hear both sides of the story and consider the fact that your child might lie, even if not intentionally. A misunderstanding for example.

1. Show your child how to apologise and move on. Mistakes happen, how we fox them it’s the more important thing. (That applies to school staff too).

1. Remember that while you're responsible for and prioritising one child, we have 30 to consider.

1. If/When you raise an issue think about what outcome you'd ideally like and whether it's reasonable and feasible. We literally had one parent demand that the teacher never speaks to his child, but somehow they still had to teach him.

1. There's a difference between malicious and not intentional.

I wrote a child's name on the label of their jumper as it had no name on. Just the first initial and their surname. Parent complained that she didn't want the name on the label as she knew what the child's jumper looked like. Hmmm okay then. Could not understand that I had 29 other identical jumpers to manage. This is what teachers are dealing with.

What can parents do?
Ensure their kids get to bed at a reasonable time
Limit, if not ban, screens/gaming
Be involved in homework. When kids are younger, to them read.
Show that education is valued. Have books around the house/go to museums etc
Feed them nutritious food and don't buy sugary crap
Make sure that their kids know you respect their teachers and trust their judgement.
Make it clear that bad language or rude behaviour towards teachers will not be tolerated.
Attend parents evening and listen to and act on what the teachers say.
Enforce consequences for unacceptable behaviour at home.
Make sure children have a space to study.
Make sure they go to school with basic equipment every day. Teach them that these things cost money and they are to be looked after.
Be aware who their kids are hanging around with and step in if necessary.
Send them to school in correct uniform. If you don't like the rules, don't go to the school.
Make sure children know they are loved, valued and important, but understand they are not the centre of everyone's universe. They need to consider other people's feelings and rights too.

Basic stuff.

Teachers aren't social workers and they aren't parents.
Let them plan and deliver excellent lessons, rather than expecting them to deal with awful behaviour and act as parents.
Let them spend their time planning and marking.
They shouldn't have to fight to set boundaries, parents should have already established them.
They are too busy to have a vendetta against kids. Believe them. Yes, there will always be the odd bad apple, but have the sense to realise that what they are saying is true 99% of the time.

*read to them!

Wow, as a parent this is quite a hard read. I have suspected that our school sees parents as an inconvenience rather than a partner for some time and it seems I might be right.

That said, I do most on the list (feeding healthy food to fussy kids isn't easy). I also don't police their friendships, I try to give them the tools they need to police their own. I would never say don't play with x, that's awful.

I also think school uniform rules are insane a lot of the time, that's the same everywhere but I don't love buying an extra coat because kids are only allowed to wear a specific one. I have refused to buy a specific t shirt with a logo on for PE which costs three times what a plain one costs and adds nothing to their experience. The head changed the rules when other parents did the same.

I support and trust my children's teachers, and tell them so and work with them. But I certainly feel parents are looked down on, and this thread supports that view on the whole. Schools overstep sometimes too.

To add to that, I'm in the fortunate position. DP and I work together and are self employed, we are both around for our children outside of school hours, we wave them off and welcome them home. We still struggle to fit in all of the things expected of us, between activity groups and homework and reading and teaching them life skills and supporting friendships and cooking healthy meals and eating together, handling their various emotional outbursts, exercise and hygiene. I can't imagine how parents who aren't home til six manage it all.

So much is expected of everyone now.

I think you've read into this thread things that aren't there.

Schools don't see parents as an inconvenience. Supportive and helpful parents working with school staff is the aim.

I also don't understand why you'd buy two coats. Just buy one that's allowed for school. That's what I do.

Wow, as a parent this is quite a hard read.

Whaaaaaa @TheWonderhorse ? The posts by teachers just list basic parenting stuff. If that is hard for you to read, well, then maybe you're part of the problem without realising it?

You think that people who are responsible for teaching your children look down on you? I suspect that is your problem, not the teachers'.

I don't blame the teachers or school. My daughter's teachers are doing the best they can.

Our youngests will attend a private secondary next year. I won't miss the state primary school.
It's been long road of problems mainly with the crazy behaviour of the children in primary.

Teachers aren't social workers and they aren't parents.
Let them plan and deliver excellent lessons, rather than expecting them to deal with awful behaviour and act as parents.
Let them spend their time planning and marking.
They shouldn't have to fight to set boundaries, parents should have already established them.
They are too busy to have a vendetta against kids. Believe them. Yes, there will always be the odd bad apple, but have the sense to realise that what they are saying is true 99% of the time.

Brilliant post @FrodisCapering I teach undergrads and some of the irresponsible and/or over-directive parenting (or both of those together which is a nightmare) is already showing still in 20 year olds.

The combination of "nobody likes experts" plus "my child is always right" attitudes by some parents is a nightmare.

Then I think you need to read comments from teachers again.

Many, many parents are not actually raising/parenting their children properly and it shows in numerous ways in classrooms. I think you'd be quite shocked if you spent a week in our school seeing the frankly quite shocking behaviour of numerous children and how their parents defend them.

the op started two bitchy threads because a teacher told her child to stop being bitchy? That is hilarious.