Parents V Teachers

[shoogalypeg]

Whilst I do have some sympathy for teachers in this current climate I can’t help but feel that if you can’t handle the heat then get out of the kitchen, which they’re doing in droves and this leaves mostly hardened, jaded individuals who have no business working with children.

I guess this leads onto a really important question:

What can parents do to improve things that doesn’t involve ignoring unprofessional behaviour from teachers?

YABU - cut teachers some slack/parents are powerless to change the system
YANBU - as a parent I’m worried AND feel I have a part to play

(if neither of the above options fit then please elaborate below)

Parents do have a part to play: they can actually parent their children and teach them to be polite, to value education, to not think they don't have to do anything they don't want to, etc

I think many people would be thoroughly shocked at how poorly behaved and entitled and behind so many children are. And it is down to their parents.

Having 5 children and dealt with so many teachers over the years, I can honestly say I have nothing but admiration for them. Yes, there have been a few that weren't great but the vast majority are dedicated and incredibly hard working. It's a bloody hard job. I've worked in education and the weight of responsibility for the lives and futures of the young people is enormous. Parents expect so much of teachers but you have to remember they are only human and have their own lives and families.

I have got one DS in private and one in state secondary (for good reasons before anyone has a go at me). What I can say is that as far as the quality of teachers: no difference globally.
Quality of teaching: enormous. In private school (30 students in each class) the teachers can teach! No vile antisocial behaviour (you won't get admitted to school unless perfect behaviour in elementary+ good student), serious students (and yes serious parents who expect their offspring to be well-behaved, polite and serious). In state: teachers are constantly interrupted by antisocial behaviour. One of my friends works there and she says she's happy if she can get through half her lesson because someone will always act out in a way or another. Students come in unprepared and often without basic equipment and their behaviour can be extremely trying. So excuse the teachers to not pay attention to minor details and complaint from parents : they have bigger fish to fry!

Perhaps there’s no resources to do so - most parents want the best for their children but if the road to any sort of SEN help/diagnosis/CAMHS etc is impossible then they’re pretty stuck. Parents can only do so much, hence the existence of these services in the first place, obviously. Parents aren’t experts. Luckily for me my kids are so far doing fine but everyone is just one incident or accident away from needing external support.

So you've made two threads because the teacher told your child to stop being bitchy?

It would be a different experience for teachers and students if schools weren't penalised for suspensions and exclusions.

The majority of children do not have SEN.

I have worked with kids as a private tutor and later working with a charity. I worked with a lot of teachers and for a while was thinking of going into teaching. Every teacher I mentioned it to told me not to do it. They were good teachers as well, most of them with a lot of experience. I love working with kids and I’m passionate about education, but I’ve not heard enough to be put off teaching in a school. I know lots of people who want to go into teaching and would, but have been either put off by things they see and hear or do it for a bit and get completely chewed up and spat out.

So OP are you saying anyone staying in teaching is hardened and jaded but that people who can’t handle it should not be there. What does that leave?
FWIW, teacher of over 30 years. Am neither hardened nor jaded. Nor am I bitter, or out of touch. I am frustrated more by the system and parents than children.
(I would not use the word bitchy in describing anyone’s behaviour)
What can we do, you ask.
Personally, ensure children do not think it is ok to squabble in class with either classmates or staff. Ensure children realise showing respect does not mean they are weak. Ensure children know how to speak to other members of society, child or adult, with respect, and to expect that in return, not in isolation. Ensure children know they are coming to school to learn, not to be constantly entertained, cajoled, persuaded to do literally the only thing they are there for…to learn. Sure there are many more things I could add, but that would be a start.
Oh, and I’d quite like not to be assaulted at work for trying to do my job.

Teachers have to do too much of the parents' job because of trendy thinking. It's the role of parents to toilet train their child, teach them how to dress themselves, to use cutlery etc.. Stop wasting teachers' time and let them just teach.

Stop making excuses for the majority by using the problems relating to the minority. Just because a parent decides their child has some problem doesn't absolve them from responsibility.

There are a lot of badly behaved children without any of those issues as well. And a fair number with some of those issues that have parents who refuse to believe it or support the schools in pursuing a diagnosis.

Strongly object to Parents vs Teachers. It my career it has only ever worked if parents work with teachers and visa versa.

It's not a "customer is always right" situation for parents. It should be.a mutually beneficial relationship. Sometimes teachers mess up but they have a job where they have to make hundreds of decisions and judgement calls a day. Their main job should be to teach and safeguard children, not to parent or to spend ages adjudicating playground issues.

Most parents are lovely and supportive. The small number you come across who are unreasonable and start vendettas can sadly completely ruin a teacher's career and experience, as well as having a negative impact on other children in the class.

Your title is horrible, parents and teachers are on the same team. It would help if more parents understood that, because unfortunately many seem to be automatically opposed to supporting the school they use no matter how good or bad it is.

If as a parent you want to improve things in schools then just be a decent parent that sends your child in ready to learn. For your child to be ready to learn they need to be clean, fed, and have their development and learning be properly supported by their parents. That is really all that’s needed.

Most teachers I know are dedicated to their job, passionate and teach in good schools with good behaviour overall, however there are some kids who are literally awful - yes, there’s nearly always a reason and a lot of the time they’re just lashing out- but parents just DON’T want to admit their kid is not perfect. You see it al the time on here. It’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault. You then get the kids who through the hardest times, living in one room in a hostel with 5 siblings, mum not spending any of her money on even a tube of toothpaste and saying school should be sorting it out, social should be sorting it etc etc (a real kid I know), are absolutely gorgeous and have the will to succeed.

resilience is at an all time low with kids and parents and parents feel powerless to guide their kids. A teachers job is to teach and if your kid doesn’t want to be taught then I don’t know what you want!!

What can parents do to improve things

Maybe parents could stop automatically backing up their child no matter what, if teachers tell parents their child has misbehaved in class, then the parents need deal with it don't go all defensive thinking your perfect child wouldn't ever do such a thing, I sometimes think teaching would be far nicer if they didn't have to deal with "that" parent, I don't envy them at all...

this post nails it for me. Unfortunately so many kids don’t get the bare minimum and so many schools are basically caring for them and spending all their time sorting them pastorally and making sure they’re fed etc that there’s no time or money to teach. But god forbid you criticise or blame parents for this, they’re ’trying their best’

I've asked this before and tried to figure it out, but when did the responsibilities change hands?

When I was at secondary/high school in the 90s, the teachers taught us. If there was an issue with behaviour, the fear of sitting in the heads office while they called my mum or dad at work and told them to come and get me (just the once!) meant we didn't misbehave too often. Now, parents can retort 'the kids in school, he's your problem til 3.30' or whenever.

I'm sure an initiative came in, like Every Child Matters maybe?, which at the heart was a good idea, to help battle neglect at home and support all children. But is now abused to the point that the behaviour issue kids in school just roam wild until end of the day, with many SLT members of staff having to follow them round, getting sworn at, whatever. Now a school can't just phone a parent and say 'come and get your child' because the schools has safeguarding responsibility.

I have so much respect for teachers, it's definitely not a job I could do.

leaves mostly hardened, jaded individuals who have no business working with children.

Wow, as a teacher who took time and care to try to help and support you on your other thread, I wish I hadn't bothered. A nice Friday slap in the face as thanks, charming.

The first thing I thought, was that the title of the thread was specifically used to goad and start a confrontation. @SometimesCalmPerson has it absolutely right. Education is (should be) a partnership between home and school. That means that the school has teachers who plan and deliver their lessons in order for their pupils to progress and develop knowledge and skills. It means that parents send their children to school with the tools they need to be prepared to learn.

Ugh.... another one of these posts!!!

I don’t get what you want OP. You’re telling teachers to leave if they can’t stand the heat, but then complaining that this leaves behind teachers who have no right working with children. Is it not the heat that’s the problem then?

The main problems are feral parents and governments that interfere with schools/underfund them.

I would absolutely hate to be a teacher and I say that as a parent . Teachers have little to no authority .I feel like as a society we have gone to far with soft parenting now don't get me wrong I love my kids but they have rules,boundaries and I expect manners.

What can parents do to improve things that doesn’t involve ignoring unprofessional behaviour from teachers?

Parent their own child/children.
Be responsible and accountable for them. Bring up children who are accountable and responsible.