Suspicions biological father has faked dna test...twice!

[Makeitmakesense103]

Name changed for this but looking for some input. Will try to include as much as i can without dripfeeding or boring you all. If iv missed anything let me know.

so,
I have a 15 yo daughter with a man who decided to vanish when i was pregnant and come in and out of my childs life. He never wanted me to go through with the pregnancy but i was 17 and i couldnt go through an abortion. I have a really supportive family who helped me through it all.
I actually chased him up all those years ago, i had to turn up to his work as it was the only way i could think of how to find him, i didnt know his surname as hed lied about this aswell as his age, and his partner! Well i went to introduce his daughter and he said hed step up. He came in and out of my daughters life. Hes permenantly out now, his choice.

I knew he was my childs father from day one, as did he!, but of course, he tried to deny at that point so I asked HIM for a dna test back then, ordered one to be sent out. He took one (not in front of me stupidly) came back he wasnt the father.
I demanded another, came back negative again! I have my suspicions hed used a friend to take the swabs as again i didnt see him take it. I still have the paperwork from the company we used. I was young and didnt think that someone could try to screw up a dna test, i didnt understand much back then! But now im sure this is fraud?

The thing is she is his daughter, he has admitted shes his, he says shes the spit and hes even been paying child support privately all these years. He has paid alot of money and no more questions asked from him. He actually pays over what the cms had calculated.

I havent seen him for about 10years (no clue where he is) but have been asking for him to go to a clinic for an authentic test, photo included, ID check etc. I'd like it on paper because hes made me feel like im insane all these years. Hes a prolific liar might I add. With two more kids and his partner knows about us but is on his side. May i add he dumped his daughter for this woman, no one else knows about my daughter.

We only communicate via email, thats all iv got, and he changes the subject or says he will do one but iv waited years and have repeatedly asked for a dna test.

Is this fraud?!!! And should i or can i take action. Its starting to wind me up because we deserve the truth seeing as both the previous tests came back negative. There was no other possibility i had someone elses child, he pays generously. Its all abit messed up. Im 33 now life is different and I guess i just want the truth. I feel betrayed and like i should have possibly taken action a long time ago.
Is there anything I can do?

thanks all.

If he’s keeping his child support quiet it sounds like he faked it for his partner, not you. He’s keeping her as his dirty little secret.

This.move on, he is paying you let it be.

The key questions are:

1. How old is your DD? Is she of an age where she can choose not to see him if he tries to ask for contact.
2. How much do you need his money - would you be in difficulty if the amount dropped significantly?

Personally I would wait until DD is older eg 17y and then apply for CMS. If he refuses to take a DNA test it’s still an admission that he’s the father. Presumably there are grandparents & possibly half siblings or cousins that your DD might want to connect with one day. An uncontested order for CMS will prove that she is related.

This is incredibly rare but is there a chance your daughter might not be yours either. I was listening to a bbc sounds podcast about a situation where two babies were accidentally swapped in the hospital at birth.

if 2 tests have shown he isn’t her father are you definitely her mother? I know that is an extreme scenario and it is more likely he’s lying but it isn’t the only answer.

He was trying to trick her by faking a DNA test. OP knows if she had had multiple partners in the right timeframe or not, he doesn't know that does he? What if OP didn't know? The fact that she already knows the truth doesn't mean he's not trying to trick her. I'm lost?

Hi Op I get why you want proof on paper but the fact he’s paying is admitting it. He is a coward and liar look after yourself and daughter and get the therapy you need but don’t pursue him he’s proved he’s not a real dad as he is too afraid to tell people he’s her biological father that’s it but don’t force the issue the way it is now you don’t have to see him neither does your dd so many women would love this not having to see the ex or share custody take his money spend it. Enjoy it.

I after reading your first post I jumped to the conclusion that there was a significant age gap and you were obviously groomed/vulnerable when you became pregnant.

He unfortunately went DARVO on you and has been paying for your silence ever since.
He sounds like a piece of shit, but at least he's helped some towards the cost of raising your child.

It seems without doubt he is her father, so you need to learn how to accept this and not allow his pathetic games to affect you. He was a liar back then, always was and always will be.

I'm imagining your child reaching the age you became pregnant has been really hard. You were likely in a very vulnerable position and had left its mark on you.
Get counselling, it's now your daughters decision about the any future DNA test, if she cares then as people have said she can upload her DNA when she is ready and very likely find her blood relatives from his side that way.
It's very common to have 'new' members of your family discovered that way and hopefully she will be embraced by some of them if not him.

But it's her story now and you need to find a way to make peace with what happened to you.

I assumed she would have told him that he was the only possible father, so there's no point in him trying to trick her.

I wouldn’t rock the boat now if he’s paying generously for your daughter until she’s at least 18. Maybe he did submit a dodgy test so as to ‘prove’ to his partner that he’s not her father (maybe that’s what he’s told her and she doesn’t know about the payments).

In the meantime, why not get your daughter to take a DNA test. You’ll soon be able to deceiver her paternal line and some dna matches might show family members of his to confirm this (you may have to do some digging but totally do-able).

Is there a reason he doesnt want his DNA on a formal data base somewhere?

...as in, he could be responsible for a sex crime for which he has not yet been held to account for?

I presume as you were young he has groomed you and then carried on with this hurtful deceitful behaviour ever since. I’m not judging I have been in a similar situation and brought my child up alone as a teenager as well. They start off with the lies and then it gets worse and worse.

the best thing I can think of that will give you some peace of mind would be for you and your daughter to do an ancestry dna test each and build a family tree. It’s also a nice thing for the two do you to do together and research your line.

I’ve done one myself (trying to trace a missing grandfather). You get very distant matches like 3rd cousins etc and from there can trace their trees and work out hoe you fit in (or your daughter fits in). You will then have 100% definitive proof he’s biologically the father and there’s no more chance of playing nasty mind games.

You're concentrating on the wrong thing. This won’t make him a better father. Your mission to be right for self-validation is petty and self-destructive. Seek therapy get a hobby, and move on. After 15 years you need to let go!!

Why do you think he's paying 'over the odds'? He's probably not and is making you feel you should be grateful, when in reality he has a lot more he could probably give..especially if his partner is on his side why would she even agree to him sending money when he's apparently not the father...makes no sense..

CSA can only force the test if someone says they aren't the father therefore won't pay. He has paid, therefore who is going to force him to test?

If you know there's no one else who could be the father why do you need the DNA test? You know he's lying. He's admitted he's the father and he's contributed well... what is it that you want to achieve here?

Exactly

This. You are driving yourself mad for absolutely no reason. The fact he’s paying CM proves he’s the father, no normal man would. Your child doesn’t want to know so stop obsessing

You dont have to lie about her age just use Ancestry and declare her as under 18 on your account. Even if no matches throw up now (unlikely), they will in the future

He didn't want you to go ahead with the pregnancy, didn't want to be a father, but supported you financially. I would honestly leave it at that. You had the right to go ahead with the pregnancy, but he has a right not to be involved.

OP has already stated that her DD doesn't want him

I know, I can read.

I'm sorry this has stuck with you since your DD came along @Makeitmakesense103

Are you ND as that would explain why you've allowed this to consume you for all this time?
You need counselling sweetheart to help you move forward with this.
As others have said, the fact he pays for the child proves he knows he is the father because no one would pay for a child they believe not to be theirs.
Maybe get something in writing about that so he can't just fuck off from his responsibility but I think you do need to accept that you both know he's the dad, it doesn't need to be on a piece of paper. You've done a great job raising your lg. Enjoy your family

I know.
This is MN 😉 I was just joshing

Is that a possibility? Here they're two separate things. The police wouldn't have access to a DNA test completed for child support without a court order, and to get a court order they'd have to have probable cause.