Suspicions biological father has faked dna test...twice!

[Makeitmakesense103]

Name changed for this but looking for some input. Will try to include as much as i can without dripfeeding or boring you all. If iv missed anything let me know.

so,
I have a 15 yo daughter with a man who decided to vanish when i was pregnant and come in and out of my childs life. He never wanted me to go through with the pregnancy but i was 17 and i couldnt go through an abortion. I have a really supportive family who helped me through it all.
I actually chased him up all those years ago, i had to turn up to his work as it was the only way i could think of how to find him, i didnt know his surname as hed lied about this aswell as his age, and his partner! Well i went to introduce his daughter and he said hed step up. He came in and out of my daughters life. Hes permenantly out now, his choice.

I knew he was my childs father from day one, as did he!, but of course, he tried to deny at that point so I asked HIM for a dna test back then, ordered one to be sent out. He took one (not in front of me stupidly) came back he wasnt the father.
I demanded another, came back negative again! I have my suspicions hed used a friend to take the swabs as again i didnt see him take it. I still have the paperwork from the company we used. I was young and didnt think that someone could try to screw up a dna test, i didnt understand much back then! But now im sure this is fraud?

The thing is she is his daughter, he has admitted shes his, he says shes the spit and hes even been paying child support privately all these years. He has paid alot of money and no more questions asked from him. He actually pays over what the cms had calculated.

I havent seen him for about 10years (no clue where he is) but have been asking for him to go to a clinic for an authentic test, photo included, ID check etc. I'd like it on paper because hes made me feel like im insane all these years. Hes a prolific liar might I add. With two more kids and his partner knows about us but is on his side. May i add he dumped his daughter for this woman, no one else knows about my daughter.

We only communicate via email, thats all iv got, and he changes the subject or says he will do one but iv waited years and have repeatedly asked for a dna test.

Is this fraud?!!! And should i or can i take action. Its starting to wind me up because we deserve the truth seeing as both the previous tests came back negative. There was no other possibility i had someone elses child, he pays generously. Its all abit messed up. Im 33 now life is different and I guess i just want the truth. I feel betrayed and like i should have possibly taken action a long time ago.
Is there anything I can do?

thanks all.

The CSA will only make him take a DNA test if he disputes paternity. If he doesn't, they will just calculate what he needs to pay which will be a lot less than you get now. It isn't worth it imo. You know he is the father. He knows he is the father. Him giving you money backs this up. There isn't really anything to achieve by chasing a DNA test. It's not going to tell you anything you don't already know.

If your DD wants/needs proof and is questioning what she believes, you or her DF I would go to the CSA even if it meant a reduction in payments.

Piece of mind for her is worth it if that is needed.

However, you don't seem to think that your DD is bothered about concrete proof.

I believe someone else took those two tests, because he purposely wanted to get a negative result so that he could dodge paying child support, that and to get us off the scene.

i guess i just wanted it proved because i find it quite upsetting to have the previous results that say he isnt. He only pays because i persued it.
maybe im being an idiot for wanting to get another test, it would have been to help me move on.
its not nice when the father of your child sabotages dna results to try to decieve you into believing they are not the father, for an 18yo girl thats really stressful.

OP, let it go FGS. You know he's father, he knows he's the father, he's acknowledged to your DD that he's her father and he pays you a generous amount of child support and always has. Yes, he's a lying, cheating piece of shit for faking the tests, but you admit yourself you've been naive. Many men whose names are on their DC's birth certificates pay their mothers nothing at all and get away with it. It's disgusting. This guy (for all his faults) is at least paying to help raise his DC. For that, I think you should be grateful and move on. You're 33. You're not a naive DC yourself any more. It's time to let it go.

OP, if he faked the tests in order to avoid paying child support, he wouldn't be paying you child support.

I think the PP who said he probably faked them so that he can tell his current partner that he doesn't have a child with you are probably on the money.

i guess i just wanted it proved because i find it quite upsetting to have the previous results that say he isnt. He only pays because i persued it.
maybe im being an idiot for wanting to get another test, it would have been to help me move on.

This is all about you and not a word about the most important person in all this - your daughter.

But how can he decieve you, or make you believe anything else, when you'll know that nobody else can be the father? Different if there was a hint of a possibility that it could be someone else, but if you were only sleeping with him at the time, then you KNOW he's the father, so him potentially faking the test or whatever is irrelevant really. He can't make you doubt that if there is nothing to doubt.

He definately did something as he wasnt paying at that point. One day i asked for child support and he asked if we could privately and keep things "quiet". He even gave me one lump sum. I think he felt really bad about something. He kept my child hidden from everyone he knew and still has to this day.

im not sure why he felt he needed to screw two tests up, but it has played a big part for me mentally. He could have handled it differently.
to a PP, my daughter doesnt need concrete proof she knows who her dad is. After 10years she still remembers what he looks like.
Its really sad.

But thanks everyone, i think i might need to try some therapy to talk it through as i have to let this go.

Don't those ancestry sites plot the family tree based on the dna? I don’t know if you have to be 18 to do it but it should be obvious if he’s the dad based on all the relatives it will throw up.

This !

Court ordered DNA tests photograph the parent and child so there’s no question of cheating.

Sounds as if he is happy to accept it but not want it to be recorded anywhere.

This is the issue: he mentally fucked with you, implied you had been unfaithful, that you cheated on him and stuck him with another man’s child. So although he admitted to you privately that she was his child snd although he pays to support her, it was always represented as a gracious gift in his part. So neither you nor your daughter could rely on it. You had to feel and perhaps act “grateful” to him first seemingly overlooking your lies, unfaithfulness, and her bastard status.

In reality she is his child. She doesn’t have to be grateful for crumbs from his table and you shouldn’t have to feel like a scarlet woman who has begged him to support a child not his own.

Ask for CMS, and go into therapy to handle this grief and bewilderment. You are in the FOG of narcissistic abuse—I can tell because your feelings of confusion (you know its his child but feel confused about his lies that she isn’t) are emblematic of this kind of relationship. He is a pathological manipulator and liar. Its hard to keep your feet with such a person.

Can i ask how you feel this isnt about her? This post was actually about a dna test which i was looking for some guidance on. Maybe iv worded it badly,
My daughter is very important to me. Sorry if it sounds like im not putting her first here.

and duly noted to all,, not to bother and let it go. I just didnt know what to think, its left me with some trust issues. I love my daughter so much!

Gosh. Your poor daughter. I really hope she's not privvy to all your pent resentment and hatred towards this non-entity. It will have clouded her life growing up. An absent father and a seething mother.

This is a really unhealthy way to live your life.

Take the money and let it go, or go through CSA and get the proof you so badly desire.

If you upload your daughters dna to a grnetic genealogy website like ancestry (you'll have to lie about her age) you may be able to link to him through relatives that come up (can be as remote as second, third or fourth cousins). A match with the same name might be enough to give you the certainty you need. The person I'd be doing this for is my daughter so she is sure of her paternity. You can hide your name on the dna database or put on privacy settings so any matches can't se who you are.

Honestly? I'd let sleeping dogs lie and be grateful this twat isn't a part of your lives.

He’s paying child support
Its my understanding you can’t force someone to have a dna test.
It’s not fraud!

It’s time to move on.

Ugh. Why are you all beating up on this poor OP? She is struggling and asking for help processing a very confusing and toxic relationship. Se has to stand as intermediary between her child and this crazy/lying man. She is asking for advice. Why punish and shame her for it in the name of her child? Its such arrogant bullshiit for anonymous posters to pretend to care more about OP’s child than she does. Just ignore and skip over hostile posts, OP.

He’s an absolute arsehole for doing this to your DD. He just doesn’t deserve any more of your time or attention. Whatever his reasons, it’s no reflection on you or your DD. It’s about him being a selfish, shitty human being.

Maybe he was married or in another relationship and has lied to her about having your daughter, he wanted it all kept quiet and knows he's her father, carry on taking his money, your dad could ask for a test but what's the point, he's not in your lives just take his money.

Would your daughter do a commercial DNA test? Ancestry or similar, and see who comes up as her matches.

Thankyou so much for this. This is what im on about. Its the grief iv had to hold on to all these years. I know shes his but i continue to question myself why did the results say she wasnt. I have alot of answered questions but il never have the truth. I saw an article about a man who went to jail for trying to trick his partner with a dna test hence why iv asked if this would be seen as fraud. There is so much more to the story but we wont go there.
thankyou again.

Thankyou , it does make me sound like a terrible mother doesnt it. Iv had to hide the depression from her all these years. Im trying to get past it.

What's the point of any of this drama? You know, he knows, he pays you well...just take the cash and leave it alone