Suspicions biological father has faked dna test...twice!

[Makeitmakesense103]

Name changed for this but looking for some input. Will try to include as much as i can without dripfeeding or boring you all. If iv missed anything let me know.

so,
I have a 15 yo daughter with a man who decided to vanish when i was pregnant and come in and out of my childs life. He never wanted me to go through with the pregnancy but i was 17 and i couldnt go through an abortion. I have a really supportive family who helped me through it all.
I actually chased him up all those years ago, i had to turn up to his work as it was the only way i could think of how to find him, i didnt know his surname as hed lied about this aswell as his age, and his partner! Well i went to introduce his daughter and he said hed step up. He came in and out of my daughters life. Hes permenantly out now, his choice.

I knew he was my childs father from day one, as did he!, but of course, he tried to deny at that point so I asked HIM for a dna test back then, ordered one to be sent out. He took one (not in front of me stupidly) came back he wasnt the father.
I demanded another, came back negative again! I have my suspicions hed used a friend to take the swabs as again i didnt see him take it. I still have the paperwork from the company we used. I was young and didnt think that someone could try to screw up a dna test, i didnt understand much back then! But now im sure this is fraud?

The thing is she is his daughter, he has admitted shes his, he says shes the spit and hes even been paying child support privately all these years. He has paid alot of money and no more questions asked from him. He actually pays over what the cms had calculated.

I havent seen him for about 10years (no clue where he is) but have been asking for him to go to a clinic for an authentic test, photo included, ID check etc. I'd like it on paper because hes made me feel like im insane all these years. Hes a prolific liar might I add. With two more kids and his partner knows about us but is on his side. May i add he dumped his daughter for this woman, no one else knows about my daughter.

We only communicate via email, thats all iv got, and he changes the subject or says he will do one but iv waited years and have repeatedly asked for a dna test.

Is this fraud?!!! And should i or can i take action. Its starting to wind me up because we deserve the truth seeing as both the previous tests came back negative. There was no other possibility i had someone elses child, he pays generously. Its all abit messed up. Im 33 now life is different and I guess i just want the truth. I feel betrayed and like i should have possibly taken action a long time ago.
Is there anything I can do?

thanks all.

I’m beginning to wonder tbh. How could anyone possibly be deceived or tricked by this, if they only had sex with that one person the entire time.

I agree - it always the risk when doing the Ancestry type tests that you uncover all sorts of family secrets and “not parent expected” events. OP may even have them in her own family.

Good point it should only be done with the daughters consent, I was assuming she felt the same way as her mum but if not then OP needs to find a way of coming to terms with the situation, because it seems like the man in question will always be difficult and evasive.

Let him keep paying the maintenance, and leave it in the past.

Want the truth for what? What is a positive DNA test going to give you that you don't already have? You know it can't possibly have been anyone else that you got pregnant with. He's admitted he accepts your DD is his, he's being paying more child support that he would be mandated to by the courts. What else were you hoping for?

I don't have a DNA test for my three children either, because I know who their father is and so does he. That's the case for the vast majority of children born. It's really not necessary for their to be a DNA test unless one or both parents are not sure who the father is. I'd just let this go and get on with your life.

There's absolutely no guarantee of that ever!

I’d just forget it and move on. He’s admitted it and pays child maintenance. You won’t gain anything else.🤷‍♀️

You say you want the truth but you have the truth. What is a piece of paper going to do? He pays. What more do you want?

He doesn’t want to be in child life. He told you from get go, be grateful you receive maintenance and leave the man alone. You wanted the baby and knew the situation

He can try and deceive you all he wants, being 18 is irrelevant, if you know he's the only person you've had sex with at the relevant time then his attempt at deception is pointless.

I agree.

My children don't have a dna test proving my husband is their father, most children don't.
He's paying you regularly over the amount you would normally receive....be careful you don't upset the apple cart OP.

It is about what you want, what you feel you need. It's not about her because she doesn't need this proved, you do. If you know you weren't sleeping with anyone else then you know and he knows and the DNA test wouldn't prove anything because there's nothing to prove. I get how if feels when they've fucked with your mind and you feel you can't rely on anything even your own mind, my XH is like that and I've had to come to terms with never getting that acknowledgement of wrong doing. You need to find a way to come to terms with what he's done without getting an accurate DNA test, because the only thing you're achieving here is to keep you stuck. You know the truth and that has to be enough, you need to find a way to accept that. Your life should be about you, not about him. It might help to see a psychologist, if you can afford that.

Why does your title say suspicions he's faked the test? Surely you'd just say he faked the test if he was the only possible father? Your title makes it sound like you don't actually know if he's the father

you can make your own peace, don't rely on the actions of others for your peace.

I think I'd be grateful the wanker isn't in mine or my dd's life to disrupt it or disappoint her!

I get it's frustrating for you but do you really want this man in your life?

Like everyone else says, you need to find a way to let this go. Can you afford to see a therapist to talk through why you’re finding it so difficult?

What do you think will happen if he takes the test and confirms he’s the father? Your situation won’t be any different.

why he lied is anyone’s guess.

You know for a 100% fact that he’s her father. Therefore you don’t need a DNA test.
He knows that he’s her father and he knows he’s had someone else take the DNA test.
Continue to take the money. He wouldn’t be paying it if he was certain she wasn’t his.

All a DNA test will do is to prove what you know to be true.

What you could do is to get her a 23 and me kit and see if any relatives turn up on there. And Ancestry.

i can appreciate that this feels unresolved to you, but remember to trust yourself - you know it, it’s a fact. You don’t need this piece of paper. You know it.

Have you considered it is very stupid to keep pushing this? He pays over CMS rates to support your child, make it difficult and you could be faced with reduced payment at CMS rates (presuming you go through CMS). This is the definition of cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Faking those tests isn't fraud because they weren't court mandated dna tests. You just sent them. Faking them is akin to lying. Not fraud.
Im not sure how you could be left unsure if you were not having sex with anyone else at the time.

I have no idea why he's doing this? To keep it off record? But he's paying you above what he'd be made to so I'd just be pleased about that and happy he isn't sticking his beak in to decision making

I found this fantastical so googled it and came up with this amazing info, it's true! The affected person is considered a chimera:

embryo.asu.edu/pages/case-lydia-fairchild-and-her-chimerism-2002

What does it have to do with this thread though?

If your daughter wants too can you not just take an ancestry style DNA test?

It wont say he is the father (he is not needed at all) but if anyone in his family has taken one (even a 2nd cousin he doesn't know etc...) it will link up the family trees and show shes is part of their family.

Its not going to force him to have a relationship but its possible other family members might reach out.

Its not the same as my parents where married but had a bitter divorce and my bio dad bailed on me as a baby, most his family (his siblings and their kids etc...) never bothered with me but my grandma and a 2nd aunt fought too keep a good relationship with me and treat me like all the other grandkids regardless.

This thread is about DNA, and this is an incident about a huge anomaly around DNA results. Admittedly lottery winning odds, but definite proof that DNA results are very occasionally wrong - maybe the child's father didn't fake his tests as OP suggests.

He has something to hide OP, I agree with previous posters that he knows he is the Father and he wanted proof he was not to appease someone else and that is most likely his Partner.

There is no other rational reasons why he would be paying you, other than he knows he is Daddy.

Can I ask what the age difference is between you and him and if if he works in a role where he would have to have a DBS check?

Mentally I can see why this is messing with your head and its very contradictory and despite the fact that he is handing over the money, he won't let people know of his daughters (and therefore your) existence.. sometimes, even though common sense tells you to leave it, your emotions override that and you just can't put it down. This sounds like where you are.

Morally I totally get where you want it confirmed he is the Dad. Its not just about your daughter, you weren't much older than her when this happened to you and to have your relationship existence denied must be pretty difficult.

But unfortunately, you have to ask yourself why he is paying over the odds and I think that is because he wants to keep you quiet. That being the case if you publicly challenge him, he could pull the plug on the money If he is proven as the Father then he may just pay the basic and so you and your daughter lose out financially. They won't make him take the test if he offers to pay.

So in answer to your question about is it fraud to fake a DNA test, then the answer, can be yes, faking a DNA test in the UK is considered fraud. There have been several cases where individuals have been prosecuted and jailed for faking DNA tests to avoid responsibilities such as child support.. For example, a man was sentenced to 18 months in jail for faking a DNA test to avoid paying child support..

Liverpool dad faked DNA test to avoid paying child support - BBC News

Man jailed for faking DNA test to avoid paying child support for two sons | London Evening Standard | The Standard

So yes you could consider going this route but if he is in jail, he can't pay maintenance?? Also you need to think carefully about whether you have the evidence other than the circumstantial evidence that he pays maintenance. By this I mean do you have the details/letters from the two previous tests.

But then think carefully about your daughter having a Dad who will be a criminal and it will be in the press that he denied her, it might not name her, but she will still know. Can you do that to your daughter.

Does he have any brothers you can ask to do a familial test on - but again, they will tell him and he will know.

I think if I have been denied for 15 years I would want blood too but in truth, you will harm yourself and your child a great deal in the process and when all said and done, she is yours, not his so you have way more than he will ever get.

Basically you have each other by the short and curlies. .

I think your daughter knows she is loved and cared for by her Mum. She knows who her Dad is and when she is older and he has stopped paying maintenance for her, she can decide if she wants it out with him, when she is an adult because what you need to do is look after her best interests now.

@Makeitmakesense103 I don’t understand how you have doubts unless you slept with another man/men within a month or so around conception. If not. There’s no doubt. It really doesn’t matter about the test because you know the truth and he’s paid for her. You can’t force him to be a parent and it’s pretty obvious he got you pregnant while married to someone else and that’s why it’s being kept secret. Let this go. It doesn’t matter. Your daughter knows who her dad is.