AIBU to ask what SAHMs do all day

[Ticktockk]

Because I’m struggling a bit. Due to various circumstances I’m not working at the moment. All kids are in school all day. I walk the dog, do the washing, tidy up a bit. And then what do I do? Sometimes I go to the gym or do a bit of my hobby. I feel like I don’t have a raison d’être. But the house is very clean!

How do you pass the time? Shall I start an expensive gin habit?! Joking aside though, I’m finding it hard.

I wfh but I can do my hours whenever I wish so im mostly a sahm I guess as I rarely do work during the day. I find it too quiet, I prefer it when dcs are in bed , dh is home and we can chat and I get on with what needs doing

School runs take me until 9.40am and have to leave 2.15 , shopping, cleaning, gardening, laundry all that general stuff. 2 of the dcs have a lot of medical appointments averaging 2/3 a month.

2 friends I see weekly, around their days off.
See my dm mid week if she has a day off.
Potter round town. Go out to lunch.
This week I've been really run down so 2 days I've slept 11am until 2pm

Suits me/ us as a family. I'm lucky that my job allows be to basically be a sahm and earn.

I study with the OU - 15 hrs a week.

In between that, I have children who occasionally have clinic appointments. Then prep dinner, packed lunches, I also do general household tasks.

Pick up children from school too during the school day (eldest in final year of school so timetable often has free periods).

I struggle to get it all done each day!!

Give it time 😂

This

This sounds like the absolute dream! What sort of job do you have?

If I was a SAHM I’d sit on my arse all day binge watching Netflix or similar to the point where I’d get depressed, have an existential crisis and then throw myself into an extreme sports hobby that I’d get obsessed with. Then I’d quit the hobby and just repeat the cycle. Not everyone’s cut out to be a SAHM.

I keep myself occupied day to day without problems - not busy but filling my time. I get out every day and there are always new things to do as I'm in London and can visit various places of interest easily. I go to museum exhibitions, galleries, cinema and theatre matinees, public lectures, history walking tours, visit different neighbourhoods, parks, fitness classes, swimming, yoga, dance, art and design classes, beauty and health treatments. Sometimes I'll take a train out of the city and have a day doing a country walk or visit a different town. Just see what is available in your area or within travelling distance. I've never spent my sahm days stuck in the house even when the dcs were younger.

I couldn't think, of much worse than a life that revolves round whiney kids and domestic chores. Hell on earth. But each to their own.

I have had several voluteer jobs in the community and have also been doing grade exams on a musical instrument with ABRSM. I also have health problems and a SEN child and a DH with a very demanding job and elderly parents and ILs.

Also I did some freelance writing and some science research from home, which I published, and I did sole trader work in fixing computers. There are lots of things really. It just depends what suits you at the time.

I was going to say the exact same thing! So refreshing to get to page 3 without total
warfare breaking out, and so nice to see so many responses from SAHMs in a similar situation to me

I think I'd like to be a SAH. Yes, without the children part 😂

What about spending some time reviewing the family finances including pension provision for you, and/or learning about investing?

Had a few months off due to job change… summer off was busy with gardening, exercise/gym, cooking elaborate meals, and… going to the supermarket every single flipping day 🤦‍♀️
Also unpaid helper/chauffeur/babysitter for family

Enjoyable as temporary but started to feel bored & frustrated after a while

What are your goals? Can you carve out eg 3 hours a day for those and do the chores etc a bit more efficiently as you’ll only have a couple of hours

If you have no specific goals: being as healthy as possible is one no one can argue with (exercise & cook non UPF, this is practically a full time job!), and start a sideline (freelancing, Etsy/ebay/vinted, very PT job etc). Even if you can’t ‘work’ as you mentioned, having your own money &’ independence never hurts, you can fund a pension if nothing else

You can earn £12 a year tax free, and another £1k on top ‘trading allowance’ (eBay etc). If you are doing it because you want to not have to then you can find something flexible if you put your mind to it.

My skirting boards might actually be clean if I was in this situation. They are, seriously, fucking disgusting.

I like to think I'd have a routine:-
Monday join my friend on her weekly v long dog walk
Tuesday deep clean the house, fresh sheets, quick nap
Wednesday big food shop and batch cook with reruns of fave tv shows on
Thursday visit to the library, choose some books, do a jigsaw, watch a movie
Friday quick tidy round ready for the weekend, mooch round the shops

In reality I'd spend my time 40% Mumsnet, 40% Tiktok, 10% shit I best rush and get dinner and laundry sorted. Daily.

It's early days yet😉

I haven't RTFT, but I am in a similar position, following burnout and a breakdown I'm currently off work on long term sick leave. I have been off work since Mid November and will be doing a phased return to work starting in February.

I would say look at the reasons that you're struggling and use your time to address those. Eg counselling, exercise courses etc.

Think about what you would like to do for yourself or what you'd like to achieve and work from there.

Eg, my main problem was work related stress compounded by the sudden loss of my mum a few months ago. I was exhausted from covering multiple roles at work, and this was further exacerbated by toxic relationships in the workplace. So I've spent my time doing some meditation, counselling, some courses on people pleasing and setting healthy boundaries around my time etc.

I definitely still have days that are a struggle but I also now think that staying off work longer won't serve me anymore so it's time to put what I've learned into practice.

My mum renovated most of our house and garden herself (and it was a huge house and very run down, and she had 4 children)

She also studied some extra a levels at night school,.then did a second degree once we were in our teens

I help with the school pta and most of the mums are SAHMs (they all do a lot more than me because I work FT)

So - house decoration, gardening, volunteering, studying
Or you could learn an instrument, read some good books,.or just rest and enjoy yourself 😊

If you have burnout please make sure you also spend plenty of time doing very little. Sometimes doing "nothing" is the most important thing you can do. You aren't doing nothing, you're recovering.

I tried to be busy after burnout then realised that actually what I needed was some time not achieving anything, doing as little as possible (other than some gentle dog walks)

(Agree re the reflection and learning on boundaries etc though )

@madamweb thanks, yes I have been spending a lot of time sleeping or watching TV as well. The first 2 weeks I slept around 16 hours a day, I now seem to have a few good days followed by a day or 2 of sleep

I volunteer for Age U.K. via their telephone befriending service. I call an elderly lady once a week and we have a lovely chat. I’ve made a new friend and it’s just nice for each of us. I actually work but my work allow me to do it during work time, however, it would be perfect for a SAHM. They’re always on the lookout for volunteers.

Oh good. That sounds really healing. It's a shock what burnout can do to us!!

Oh what a lovely idea!

Ive been a sahm for many years and all my DC are in school now. I find it important for myself to have a routine and a structure to the day. Typical weekly routine would be as follows...

School run every day then I usually head straight off somewhere.

One day volunteer at church toddler group which takes all morning.

One day I head straight to the gym for swim/sauna/steam then to the shops for any bits needed.

Sometimes I meet friends for a walk and a coffee

Another day I try to do some studying just free online stuff.

Other day might be a house day so sorting things like outgrown clothes, listing on vinted etc, gardening etc.

Once a week or so I take my parents out for lunch

I always offer to help with school trips etc. I was on the PTA for a while.

So I'm never bored!

I would:
volunteer if you can, possibly at school
do work for the PTA
exercise classes if you can
keep an eye out for events like markets, new exhibitions at galleries/museums, flowers blooming at gardens
look for meet-ups like craft clubs
play video games
read widely
box sets
try new cafés if funds allow

I’ve been a SAHM since our oldest was a toddler, youngest is now a teen.

Once they were all in school it was strange at first to have so much free time, but I found it soon got filled up. I’d do the school run, tidy up, sort anything the kids needed, walk the dogs, look after our other animals, see friends who were also at home or if they were off work, go out for lunch, go to the cinema, go for a run, sort dinner, do DIY, read, watch TV, do gardening. I helped at their primary school once a week listening to the children read or helping them in small groups with writing/Maths. As they’ve got older, I do some other volunteer work, but just enjoy an easy life.