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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what SAHMs do all day

251 replies

Ticktockk · 22/01/2025 18:21

Because I’m struggling a bit. Due to various circumstances I’m not working at the moment. All kids are in school all day. I walk the dog, do the washing, tidy up a bit. And then what do I do? Sometimes I go to the gym or do a bit of my hobby. I feel like I don’t have a raison d’être. But the house is very clean!

How do you pass the time? Shall I start an expensive gin habit?! Joking aside though, I’m finding it hard.

OP posts:
TheScenicWay · 22/01/2025 20:17

There's nothing wrong with just relaxing or doing things for pleasure but sometimes it helps if you can balance it with being mentally active too.
Try a course or learning about something you're interested in.

UnbeatenMum · 22/01/2025 20:28

I volunteer one morning a week. I'm decorating DS's bedroom at the moment. I have 3 children, all with extra needs and so the laundry, housework, admin, shopping, medical appointments, school meetings etc does fill most of my time. I take a walk every day and sometimes have lunch with DH and watch a bit of TV. My youngest hasn't been in school very long so I'm just getting used to it too and I do need a bit more social contact or a job really but DS can't access any kind of childcare so it's difficult.

Lollipopsicle · 22/01/2025 20:28

Thegoatliesdownonbroadway · 22/01/2025 18:26

I have a string of lovers ....

🤣🤣

Endofyear · 22/01/2025 20:31

I would often shop and cook dinner in the afternoon - lasagne or cottage pie etc and clean up the kitchen so that come dinner time I could just pop in the oven and reheat. It meant that once the kids were home from school I was free to spend time with them in the park, help with homework etc instead of cooking dinner!

modernshmodern · 22/01/2025 20:34

I would go to the gym 3x a week and visit my dad twice a week. The rest of the day I was walking the dog and doing housework.

Gottastoppostingsomuch · 22/01/2025 20:34

Utter madness but actually thinking about having a 3rd child. I do probably need a job instead!

Optimist2020 · 22/01/2025 20:36

If I was a SAHM I’d take up a hobby , say hiking , tennis etc . I’d also volunteer maybe one day a week. Perhaps meet a friend for lunch and brunches and read more.

Whatabouthow · 22/01/2025 20:38

Run around after a 1yo and 3yo.

I do agree though that if they were both at school all day I would have a wonderful amount of free time.

Original poster
Ticktockk · 22/01/2025 20:38

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 22/01/2025 20:13

are you maybe lonely? So you can keep yourself busy with cleaning and cooking and walking the dog, but it’s all solo activities until your dc comes home. If you’ve been a bit frantic dealing with a child with SEN, have you ended up with few local friends who are free in the day so need to make new “day time friends”.

Id start with some volunteering. Charity shops often need volunteers to sort out donations. (If you aren’t scheduled to be on the till it’s less of an issue if your dc is sick/has an appointment so you can’t go.)

do other parents at the school have dogs? Suggest a group dog walk (there may be some who don’t work full time so have a day they can do.) if there aren’t any others, there may be local walking groups who meet in the day you could join.

Joining other groups that it’s ok if you miss sometimes - eg our local independent book shop has a cafe and has a monthly book club read the book, turn up for a coffee and cake and a chat.

Do you have a local adult education centre? As well as doing courses that lead to employment, ours also has hobby courses on in the day like beginners sewing or art classes or languages.

Gosh yes, your first paragraph exactly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ticktockk · 22/01/2025 20:42

Gottastoppostingsomuch · 22/01/2025 20:34

Utter madness but actually thinking about having a 3rd child. I do probably need a job instead!

Haha, it has crossed my mind to have another go but I don’t think I’m cut out for it 😂 It would definitely fill the days!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ticktockk · 22/01/2025 20:44

Abridget7 · 22/01/2025 20:04

Mmmm well the first thing I’d ask if how much disposable income you have? As that will dictate a few suggestions. Can you have facials, massages, meet friends for lunch/coffees? Try Pilates etc
You can do plenty but really depends on your financial circumstances.

We’re okay for money but I do feel guilty about spending it on that sort of thing when I’m not earning it. I need to encourage DH to spend more on himself so I’d feel less guilty, ha!

OP posts:
Fiery30 · 22/01/2025 20:49

Upskill yourself- get a qualification or training. Keep up with the current trends of your field.
Keep your mind active- puzzles, sudoku, knitting
Play a sport

Midnightlove · 22/01/2025 20:52

Nap too much 😬

I'm not actually a SAHM, but only working 2 days a week at the moment.

user111222 · 22/01/2025 20:56

I know fit and healthy STHMs who have cleaners which I've never got my head around! (I'll admit I'm just envious, work full time and can't afford a cleaner at the moment!)

Overthemoun · 22/01/2025 20:56

Just reading this makes me think id be a great SAHM!

nothing more to add… back in my box

user111222 · 22/01/2025 20:57

I mean SAHMs obviously, made up my own acronym there

BrightZebra · 22/01/2025 20:59

I was so busy I didn't have time to work 🤣
Cleaning and washing, stripping and making beds, prepping for the evening meal, putting something in the slow cooker, ironing clothes that had been washed the day before and putting it away, pop to the shops, taking children to their little groups, baking with the children, no matter what the weather there was time out in the garden, picking up leaves in the autumn!

Viviennemary · 22/01/2025 20:59

On this site yesYABU. Everyone knows SAHM's are the hardest working ,most appreciated folk on the planet. Whose every minute is spent toiling at the rock face.

JaneJeffer · 22/01/2025 21:00

Is your telly broken?

AllOpinionsAreMyOwm · 22/01/2025 21:00

strawberrycrumbles · 22/01/2025 20:14

I don't know ANY SAHM who has time to have pamper sessions, read book, watch daytime tv! And they don't spend their lives cleaning either.

You might need to declutter your house once, but when it's done, it's done.

It's fair that you become responsible for all the admin and housework if your partner is working full time, but that means you waste half a day with the car's MOT, YOU waste time finding a plumber, you are the one wasting time trying to find a GP for your sick kid. Individually, it's not much, but it adds up...

It also means that you have entirely free weekends, when others are catching up with housework, batch cooking, gardening and all the boring chores.
Your partner works full time, but he's got his weekends back to, because he's not expected to deal with chores then either. It's fair and it gives a better life balance.

I really couldn't have put it better myself. I do laundry, shopping, all the daily life admin, cooking, tidying up, school bits, preschool bits. Home projects too (of which there are many).

If I have time to read a few chapters of my book then I do, unapologetically, but honestly since having DC3, I never have the chance to sit down until 9pm ish, sometimes later.

I never have time to be bored - there is always something to do. I have never met a bored SAHM either - usually SAHMs have an OH working long and / or unsociable hours which is why they are SAHMs. They're almost always exhausted.

Autther · 22/01/2025 21:02

I had a few months off last year due to redundancy and I got a puppy, went to gym, and played games on my Xbox. I also did the garden as it was march/April. But I was pleased to go back to work at the end

GrouchyKiwi · 22/01/2025 21:05

When I was a SAHM who didn't have PND (so a short period, really, although I'm still at home but home educating the children now) I used my extra time to learn new things. I took up knitting and baked bread and made more elaborate meals. I like cooking so it was fun. I did a lot of baking.

Is there a hobby you've always wanted to try but didn't have time for? Is there anything else you want to learn or could study?

Beetlebumz · 22/01/2025 21:06

This is the only sahm thread I’ve ever seen on here, that hasn’t turned into a total bunfight between the sahms and wohms..amazing!

BakeSaleTomorrow · 22/01/2025 21:07

I study (distance learning)
Clean the house
Watch an episode of my favourite show
Go for a long walk
Meet a friend for a coffee
Work on a project (writing/art)
Do gardening
Have a clear out
Life admin/book appointments
Endless laundry
Bake a cake
Enjoy a cup of tea in peace!

taxiandcar · 22/01/2025 21:09

strawberrycrumbles · 22/01/2025 20:14

I don't know ANY SAHM who has time to have pamper sessions, read book, watch daytime tv! And they don't spend their lives cleaning either.

You might need to declutter your house once, but when it's done, it's done.

It's fair that you become responsible for all the admin and housework if your partner is working full time, but that means you waste half a day with the car's MOT, YOU waste time finding a plumber, you are the one wasting time trying to find a GP for your sick kid. Individually, it's not much, but it adds up...

It also means that you have entirely free weekends, when others are catching up with housework, batch cooking, gardening and all the boring chores.
Your partner works full time, but he's got his weekends back to, because he's not expected to deal with chores then either. It's fair and it gives a better life balance.

It isn’t every day, though. I definitely did my time in the trenches with preschoolers and I don’t feel in the slightest bit guilty for enjoying a bit of time for me.