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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

40th disappointment

75 replies

Dell45 · 22/01/2025 12:09

Hello!

Just looking for some input really.

40th birthday has been and gone.
Worked for the day, and had evening meal planned with family. Total rush and ended up feeling harassed.

I just feel disappointed. On morning husband had lots of balloons, made a display with balloons, banners. Cards from him and kids and they had picked a gift each also. Husbands main gift hadn’t been delivered, he was disappointed but bit of last minute change to what he was planning to get me.

i mentioned to my mum what husband was planning to get so he had to change plans a bit last minute. He didn’t want to get just something and wanted it to be nice. He’s disappointed about the delivery and I am too.

I feel so ungrateful but i just can’t shake the disappointed feeling!

I am sure I am being unreasonable!

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 22/01/2025 12:12

I think you're being unreasonable.

Your DH made a fuss and the rush you felt wasn't anyone's fault.

What would you have wanted to happen?

Alabas · 22/01/2025 12:13

Which bit are you disappointed about? Feeling rushed? Maybe next year take the day off for your birthday, I always do, it’s nice to have a relaxing day.

The balloons, banners and gifts sound very sweet, what a lovely gesture.

Is it the evening meal you didn’t feel was special enough?

FartyAnimal · 22/01/2025 12:13

Another 4 year old posting

Wakeywake · 22/01/2025 12:15

Why were you disappointed? That you didn't get your husband's present? You're just being petty.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 22/01/2025 12:15

I'm sorry you feel disappointed, that's a shame on your birthday. It's ok to feel how you feel, I'd use it to plan next years to be different - celebrate on a weekend or take the day off, plan something bigger if you'd prefer it etc. Were you secretly hoping for a surprise party or trip? Or was it just anticlimactic? I think we tend to build 40 up a lot.

Runningoutofthyme · 22/01/2025 12:16

why didn’t you book your birthday off? That’s on you, you could have a nice day and not felt rushed.

And would you be on complaining if he’d got you something for the sake of it rather than something thoughtful?

CorporaINobbyNobbs · 22/01/2025 12:16

Why did he have to change the present because you mentioned it to your mum?

ICanTellYouMissMe · 22/01/2025 12:16

FartyAnimal · 22/01/2025 12:13

Another 4 year old posting

Ah, that's just mean

Briannaco · 22/01/2025 12:16

I didn't do anything at all for my 40th.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 22/01/2025 12:17

Wakeywake · 22/01/2025 12:15

Why were you disappointed? That you didn't get your husband's present? You're just being petty.

There's just no need to be unkind. A feeling is just a feeling, it's not 'petty' to feel something, she's not said she's done anything about it or complained to her dh or anyone. It wasn't as nice as she hoped for and she feels a certain way. We all have feelings!

Howinthehelldidthishappen · 22/01/2025 12:17

Runningoutofthyme · 22/01/2025 12:16

why didn’t you book your birthday off? That’s on you, you could have a nice day and not felt rushed.

And would you be on complaining if he’d got you something for the sake of it rather than something thoughtful?

Edited

I think you misread. He did do all the balloons etc!

Amba1998 · 22/01/2025 12:17

The only bit I’m seeing here as disappointing is the working aspect. Why didn’t you book it off?

VenusClapTrap · 22/01/2025 12:17

My 40th was a bit lame, so I organised a really good 50th.

Briannaco · 22/01/2025 12:18

I think people expect the big milestone birthdays to be great. And when they are not, it's a disappointment

IChoseThisCyclone · 22/01/2025 12:19

I didn't follow the present stuff but presumably it will arrive at some point? If you have a job where you can't choose your leave eg teaching then big birthdays are disappointing. You should celebrate at the weekend instead!

CocoPlum · 22/01/2025 12:20

What exactly was disappointing? Your present was on order but late? You didn't book days off so you had to rush?

I had my 40th in peak lockdown with a partner who had had a severe health crisis and I did nothing and got a bottle of wine and chocolates from him. Honestly nothing you're saying sounds that bad!

DaisyChain505 · 22/01/2025 12:22

YABU

If you didn’t want to go to work on your birthday you should have booked the day off.

You had balloons, presents and cards in the morning, what more did you want? A marching band and live show?

If you wanted more than an evening meal to celebrate you should have spoken up and said. People aren’t mind readers.

Original poster
Dell45 · 22/01/2025 12:24

Glad to have some perspective. Thank you.

for context, something similar happened at my 30th with gift but has literally not happened any year in between. So just bad luck.

The gift I mentioned, my parents were getting and not something you have two of. I didn’t realise husband had took me up when I mentioned in passing!

OP posts:
Briannaco · 22/01/2025 12:26

My 30th was awful. My ex broke up with me on my 30th birthday probably just to annoy me. I do think that people like to ruin these kind of milestone birthdays, as the attention is not on them

So I decided not to do anything with anyone else for my 40th. No party or dinner or anything.

I just took myself to Barcelona for the weekend. By myselF. For my 40th And it was brill!

I had no expectations of anyone else, and therefore no disappointment

spacepies · 22/01/2025 12:26

FartyAnimal · 22/01/2025 12:13

Another 4 year old posting

I was thinking the same.
Grown women overreacting like a teen on there 16th.
Nothing ever good enough even if the partner tried.
Serous princess issues going on.
My sister turnd 40 a few weeks ago and couldn't give a toss about it.

Itsjustnotthevibe · 22/01/2025 12:27

Maybe you should have arranged the meal at the weekend if you couldn't get the day off then you wouldn't have been so rushed? My 40th was the weekend before we went in to covid lockdown on the Monday so all my plans were cancelled but such is life. It sounds like your DH made the morning special so I don't see your problem there but I have found that lowering my expectations of others equals a lot less disappointment!

Dishwashersaurous · 22/01/2025 12:27

Given as you were working it was always going to be a rush, and not that amazing.

If you'd really wanted a big celebration you should have booked the day off.

Or organised a party or weekend away for the weekend.

Squeezing a celebration around a normal work day is always going to be a comprising rush

Namechangean · 22/01/2025 12:27

When was your birthday? Was it this week? Could you tell DH and kids that due to work it didn’t feel like you got a good birthday celebration so decided you’d like to go out for dinner. Or something else that you’d enjoy. Then go and do it. Keep up your birthday decorations until then and make a weekend of it. Get a cake etc, invite your mum round.

Sounds like your DH put a lot of effort in but it’s ok if you’d like to do something else. 40th is a big one, so maybe you take control to make sure you’re getting what you want. It doesn’t need to be a negative on DH

StiggyZardust · 22/01/2025 12:28

My DH had his appendix out on my 40th.

Briannaco · 22/01/2025 12:29

Dell45 · 22/01/2025 12:09

Hello!

Just looking for some input really.

40th birthday has been and gone.
Worked for the day, and had evening meal planned with family. Total rush and ended up feeling harassed.

I just feel disappointed. On morning husband had lots of balloons, made a display with balloons, banners. Cards from him and kids and they had picked a gift each also. Husbands main gift hadn’t been delivered, he was disappointed but bit of last minute change to what he was planning to get me.

i mentioned to my mum what husband was planning to get so he had to change plans a bit last minute. He didn’t want to get just something and wanted it to be nice. He’s disappointed about the delivery and I am too.

I feel so ungrateful but i just can’t shake the disappointed feeling!

I am sure I am being unreasonable!

Isn't it nice that he did the balloons and banners for you?