40th disappointment

[Dell45]

Hello!

Just looking for some input really.

40th birthday has been and gone.
Worked for the day, and had evening meal planned with family. Total rush and ended up feeling harassed.

I just feel disappointed. On morning husband had lots of balloons, made a display with balloons, banners. Cards from him and kids and they had picked a gift each also. Husbands main gift hadn’t been delivered, he was disappointed but bit of last minute change to what he was planning to get me.

i mentioned to my mum what husband was planning to get so he had to change plans a bit last minute. He didn’t want to get just something and wanted it to be nice. He’s disappointed about the delivery and I am too.

I feel so ungrateful but i just can’t shake the disappointed feeling!

I am sure I am being unreasonable!

I’m not fussed about birthdays but if I was I would make it clear with lots of time to organise.

“DH, I would really like to make this birthday special. Shall we both book the day off and celebrate with a nice lunch out?!”

”DH, turning 40 feels a really big deal for me. I would like to make sure it’s one to remember, any suggestions on what we should do?”

Maybe. Not wrong though. Person reached 40 years old. Was given cards, presents, house decorated etc. The important people didn’t forget. Can’t see a problem.

If you couldn’t have booked the day off celebrating on another close by day would have been better. You could still plan something else to do to make it seem better.

I am not really a birthday person. I’ve never planned birthday drinks, dinner etc even when I was younger before kids. Never planned a party and could not imagine anything worse.

DH didn’t have any leave days left so didn’t want to take day and sit alone but this is what it ended up being just with work as well!

Thanks for input.

Happy birthday 🎈

According to various world calendars, or different time systems, what you thought your 40th actually wasn't your 40th.

Therefore you can book something else in at some point. Agree it sounded like a rush so maybe something a bit more chilled with timing? I never relax if I'm coming from work.

I enjoyed my 40th but I was mindful of expectations etc...it was great but wasn't perfect ...what pps said about milestones being pressurised with expectations sometimes.

I try to have self-care things during the year anyway...little things to look forward to, each day or month. Day trips and trying new things. These add up more than the big events.

Kindly - you sound like a massive ungrateful basted.

My ex broke up with me on my 30th birthday!

I can only dream of a man who would get me balloons and banners on a milestone birthday, like yours did.

OP I’m all for a nice bday celebration and usually find the standard Mumsnet replies about how birthdays aren’t important to be quite eye roll inducing, but I’m struggling with you here 🤣

Your husband did balloons, cards from kids, cake etc… you had an evening meal, he got you a gift. You are historically not a birthday person and can’t imagine anything worse than a party.. what exactly are you disappointed about? It seems like this is maybe about you not wanting to be 40/feeling unfulfilled or like you haven’t done enough, rather than the actual day being disappointing. What is it that would have made you happy??

Maybe you’re making too much effort for everyone’s birthdays so feel let down when it’s your own?

If yew, I would scale back what you do for everyone, and match their efforts.

I can see all the people here competing about who had the crappest birthday so

I spent my 30th in a care home with my terminally ill (from a brain tumour) partner, who died a week later. It was heartbreaking and of course a shitty birthday (not that that was my priority).

I am hoping my 40th will be better.

Having said this, I don't think you should have stuff like that as the bar. You're not unreasonable to want a nice birthday. There's a lot of expectation around big birthdays, but you still have time.

Could you plan a 40th birthday trip or something? Nice day out or even a weekend away? Doesn't exactly have to be on your birthday.

My DH had his 40th during lockdown so he had his party six months later. It was still really nice - actually he has a winter birthday so he had a summer garden party, which was a pleasant change for him!

Birthdays are often crap!

You have to laugh at them sometimes

You're not a birthday person!??!?! So what's the problem?

You're being ridiculous. I understand why you didn't want to take the day off but you could have decided to celebrate on a weekend like most people seem to do. It's a shame about the gift but your DH sounds lovely and has made an effort.

40 gets so massively built up by some people (depending on your social circle etc) that I think it can feel a bit “is this it?!” when it arrives!
It sounds like you have people who care about you and who put in a lot of effort to do nice things for your birthday (albeit the execution didn’t quite come off).
You can always plan something for later in the year, I’m a Jan birthday too and milked my 40th for the whole year, including getting a birthday room upgrade on our holiday in July 🤣🤣🤣

It sounds like you were a bit spoiled. I'm envious.
My 40th wasn't even acknowledged by some of my family and I didn't even get so much as a card from my colleagues, when I've done parties and collections for others' big birthdays.
When I hear people gushing about being 'totally spoiled' or see pictures of their parties, I feel pangs of sadness, but I get over it.

You’re 40 all year. A friend of mine planned herself something nice for every month of her 40th year. Every month she had something lovely to look forward to. You could try that? Start by booking yourself a day off work!

That's unfair.

Also, you left a zero off the end of that post.

YABU

You've been hugely spoiled by your family inc your husband.

I don’t know a massive amount of people, am an only child. I think the day was just a lonely day as I WFH, same as every other day. Then when people ask have you had a nice day, I feel it’s a lie.

I appreciate the comments. I realise DH has put effort in and I should get over it 😃

I turned 40 while living alone during lockdown so excuse me while I get my tiny violin out.

If you’re not a birthday person I don’t see the point of your post. This is the most unreasonable post I’ve read on Mumsnet in a while.

Speak to your DH and plan a nice day out when you are both off to mark the occasion.

But you had presents and a big fuss in the morning. Most people say ‘did you have a nice day’ as a conversation filler automatically, they don’t really care that much. Your morning does sound the definition of a nice day. Working is the same birthday or not!!

I’ve not idea what being an only child has to do with it though. Do you really think people have fewer friends as an only child? I can’t work out the correlation?!

I just meant I don’t know a lot of people and I don’t have any family through brother/sisters. Some people automatically know a lot of people due to having large families.

My 40th my then dh let me choose my own gift from a catalogue.. One I hadn't agreed we should have. It was actually to get himself some golf clubs... He ruined the day by pouting and sulking we had my friends (2) and family (dm) and my dc for an afternoon tea type thing in the garden. That I prepared. He insisted he got a new expensive game for the xbox as apparently it wasn't fair the day he all about me.... Embarrassed guests left early. I went to bed in tears while he gamed all night.
He was an exh before I turned 41...
Married a fab man in my 44th birthday...
Left the manchild to his gaming.