40th disappointment

[Dell45]

Hello!

Just looking for some input really.

40th birthday has been and gone.
Worked for the day, and had evening meal planned with family. Total rush and ended up feeling harassed.

I just feel disappointed. On morning husband had lots of balloons, made a display with balloons, banners. Cards from him and kids and they had picked a gift each also. Husbands main gift hadn’t been delivered, he was disappointed but bit of last minute change to what he was planning to get me.

i mentioned to my mum what husband was planning to get so he had to change plans a bit last minute. He didn’t want to get just something and wanted it to be nice. He’s disappointed about the delivery and I am too.

I feel so ungrateful but i just can’t shake the disappointed feeling!

I am sure I am being unreasonable!

Look from here on in if you want a nice day /to be made a fuss of (which is understandable) you need to plan it/organise it and really spell it out to whoever is involved. Yes for some people with big families maybe all this is organised but for some of us this is how it is. Happy birthday.

You need to reframe this in your head.

"Did you have a nice day?"

"Sadly had to work, but I'm going out for dinner with family in the morning and look at the lovely cards the kids made."

Then maybe plan a day out, something you like, spa, theatre, national trust, whatever you enjoy, at the weekend

you are so ungrateful. yuk.

If you're not a birthday person, I don't get it.

Do you think you might actually be upset/low about something else/deeper?

Being 40 can bring up a lot, maybe you're bored/lonely, maybe you are not prioritising yourself generally etc etc.

You are 40, not 4.

Your husband and children have done a lot for you

Time to grow up and act 40 not 4

Mean to 4 year olds 🤭

I can't remember mine. Or my 50th. Or my 60th, so I'm assuming they were just like any other birthday.

Plan it yourself. i planned my 40th and paid for it. Ive just planned my 50th. and paid for most it.

Im a grown ass woman, in a very loving marriage with such an amazing husband, but i know what i want, so i booked it.

Why do people wait for someone else to organise and plan special occasions??

Balloons and banners sounds amazing!

I've just had my 40th and got some chocolate picked out by my son and some weird stuffed teddy (not my thing). No meal, no attempt at a nice gift or any thought put into it at all. I'd take what you had any day of the week because they made some effort to show you that they love you.

That’s really sad for you, my friends and family did a lovely lot of celebrating over a few months for mine and my gifts were so thoughtful. It’s lovely to receive a demonstration of love and fine to feel disappointed. Just because you have low expectations, you don’t have to bring everyone down to that.

Op, can you plan a lovely day out with dh over the weekend? I had covid and was in bed for my 40th so we cancelled everything and spread it over the months. I celebrated from April to November 😂 (with different people).

It’s not a race to the bottom.

Many people had it worse in Covid.

Balloons, banners, cards, gifts, a husband disappointed, 'He didn’t want to get just something and wanted it to be nice'.

Sorry - YABVU.

The only way I got a birthday present from my ExH is if I bought it myself and then asked him for the money back. Every birthday my card, present and cake were presented as he left for work in the morning. And that was it for the day.

I would have loved my husband to want to get me something nice and to want to make me feel special.

I guess everything's relative though. My expectations would never have been as high as yours.

The only thing I can say is I had my 40th during Covid lockdown so literally it was spent inside doing absolutely nothing. This was after my 30th was spent alone on the sofa breastfeeding a newborn who was permanently latched! I haven’t had the best run of big birthdays!

I would just say forget about it and book another day to do something really nice and fun. It is simply 1 day and there are plenty of others to come.

I can sympathise with you her OP. I feel with big birthdays like this you build them up in your head and then it is quite easy to become disappointed. For christmas my OH ordered my main present on the 23rd and we had to collect it in store on the 27th of December. It was really hard to not feel disappointed, even though it was only two days later

You're not being unreasonable because you can't help how you feel. Feeling bad about how you feel only leads to more bad feelings.

This.

If you want your birthday (or even just your 'zero birthdays') to feel special, then make the arrangements so that they are special.
I would have thought the majority of people tend to arrange any birthday celebrations at the weekend as it is more relaxing. If you haven't worked that out by 40, I'm not sure we can help you.

Beside the point of the AIBU, I am another who doesn't see the correlation between being an only child, and not having any friends - if anything, without siblings, I'd have thought it even more important to cultivate friendships.

I don’t tend to book a meal out for my birthday, just not what I have done.
Kids had events weekend before and after which is why it was weekday or nothing.

More than likely this!

WHY didn't you book a holiday or a trip to celebrate properly?

I am big on birthdays, any birthday, but you can't plan a normal day at work and then complain you feel disappointed!

You got a lot more fuss than most!
Working as usual would be the disappointment for me but I guess what was your choice ?

Sometimes feeling a bit crap is a sign you need a Big Think.

I think we tend to put preassure on certain dates (e.g. "big" birthdays, new year's eve, milestones) and the expectations may end up ruining the experience for us. I don't know why we do it nor since when (I don't remember my grandparents or even my parents making a big deal about adult birthdays). It's normal to feel disappointed when there's been a building up of expectations or if you're going through a challenging time and one of these dates fall in the middle of it.
Personally, I would find the humour in the situation and take some perspective. You can celebrate again whenever you want.
Happy birthday 💐

Yabu. I’d be over the moon with balloons, banners and cards.

Some women on here don’t even get an acknowledgment that it’s their birthday - I’ve just seen a thread on here.

I mean, that's fine, if that's what you, as a family decide to do - each to their own and all that - but therefore it is likely to be a total rush and ended up feeling harassed

I'm not sure what you want anyone to say.

Either choose to make a special 'thing' of your birthday.
Or don't.
Either is valid - we are all different. But it seems odd to moan about it not being special when you've chosen to make it special.
Even though the vast majority of people would think it pretty nice of their partner to have gone to the effort of getting presents with the dc, and sorting balloons and banners.

I'd call that a nice birthday, I don't know what else you're expecting to be honest