Made me feel uncomfortable should I make a complaint.

[Singlemamabear]

Hi, my 5 year old dd has been seeing a male dr for autism. We’ve gotten a diagnosis and went in to see the dr for a meeting. He done a physical exam, her height, weight etc.
he then said that in the previous appointment he wasn’t able to check her skin and needed to do it so I agreed. He checked her skin and then attempted to take her knickers off which I could have done ? And if he’s checking her skin why did he need to see her genitals? I stopped it there it made me feel uncomfortable. What does a test for autism have to do with her genitals ?
am I being unreasonable? I hope I’m just overthinking because of my own trauma but he did makes me feel abit uncomfortable… he also commented on me and my daughters lips… I really hope I’m over thinking

I can not imagine in what world an autism diagnosis would require a genital check. You need to speak up about this.

Why on earth is he even checking her skin? I can understand muscle tone as that's linked with ASD. I would absolutely make a complaint.

As above, I can't think why a doctor assessing autism would need to check genitals. Did he offer any explanation as to why it was necessary? I would most certainly raise this.

@BilboBlaggin he made her get blood tests prior but that was done with a nurse. My understanding is if he needed to check her genitals wouldn’t that be done by a nurse too… he took her height and measurements and said he needed to check her skin. She has a beauty spot on her back and he said to make a note if she gets any more of these …

Dd has a bad back and everytime we have see the dr she has told dd to lower her trousers herself.

This is really weird. I was assessed for Autism 5 years ago.

What has height weight skin genitalia got to do with it?

Usually I read threads like this and you think people are bu if they are complaining about funny vibes etc
But not in this case.
Report immediately - your instinct seems bang on.

@Starfish1021 thankyou, I’ll be raising a complaint today. Something about him makes me feel so uncomfortable

What did he say about your and your daughter's lips?

Ummm. We've just gone through assessment with our DD and not once were we asked to remove any clothing.

100% complain.

@TouchOfSilverShampoo wow I’ll be calling up today. Feel sick to my stomach

Oh gosh I’m so so sorry this happened 😔 you protected your daughter though, be proud of listening to your instincts and push this complaint to the hilt, so many abuser hide in plain sight it’s awful. Sending a huge hug, from reading your post it sounds as though this could have been very triggering for you also xx

@PicaK its made me feel like a failure of a mum now. We’ve had an appointment before and he honestly made me feel uncomfortable, he said my daughter is very charismatic. I spoke to my mum about it and she didn’t someone saying that isn’t a bad thing it’s good but what happened today raised more red flags

That just made my blood run cold op you are definitely in the right to question that altogether.

Your poor daughter.

@Flipslop i feel like I’ve not protected her well enough. I should have said no overall. He said if it was fine and I said yes, which I shouldn’t have done. I wasn’t aware he would have tried to look at her genitals. I’ve always had a bad feeling about him

It feels nothing to do with autism but a general check. Particularly if he commented on the moles. Was she anxious and / or refusing to be checked last time (as a result of the autism?)

The knicker bit is strange and I would have raised that at the time.

I don't understand how her gentials are linked to autism and actually why she would be getting undressed at all if that was the only reason for the appointment. Unless you had some other medical concerns they were investigating at the same time I really don't understand why they were checking her skin (or what the blood test was for if autism?)

4 autism diagnosises here and not a single inspection of skin or genitals. That is very worrying indeed.

@JustMarriedBecca yes that’s why I stopped it. There was no one else in the clinic expect for him, not a receptionist etc. she did not refuse last time nor was she anxious he did not ask last time

Absolutely no need for this. 100% make a complaint!

Have never heard of this. If there was a reason surely he would ask you to remove the clothing and he would explain what he was looking for or ask you if you had noticed any abnormalities . Definitely report.

Was this a private clinic rather than an NGS one? I ask because you say no one else was there. Your instinct to stop him was a good one - I’d now be complaining very loudly about his conduct.

What the actual fuck

my son never removed any clothing or had his skin checked. Nothing like that at all.

At best, it sounds like bad practice. He should explain to you and your daughter what he is doing and why, and should be getting consent as he does it e.g 'I'm just going to life your t-shirt up at the back so I can listen to your chest, is that ok?'

If he needed her to remove her underwear, he should have explained why, is accessible language, and asked you or her to do it?

Are you in the UK? If he belongs to a GP practice, you should complain to the practice manager. At minimum, he needs to revisit his training of consent and affording dignity to patients.

Was it a private clinic? Whenever my children have had to have anything like that done, even when your daughter's age. Everything has been explained to them and me and a chaperone has been there.
DS2 didn't even have to take his jacket off during his ASD assessments.

Me too. Report. 3 of my children are autistic, none had their skin or genitals checked!!!