Made me feel uncomfortable should I make a complaint.

[Singlemamabear]

Hi, my 5 year old dd has been seeing a male dr for autism. We’ve gotten a diagnosis and went in to see the dr for a meeting. He done a physical exam, her height, weight etc.
he then said that in the previous appointment he wasn’t able to check her skin and needed to do it so I agreed. He checked her skin and then attempted to take her knickers off which I could have done ? And if he’s checking her skin why did he need to see her genitals? I stopped it there it made me feel uncomfortable. What does a test for autism have to do with her genitals ?
am I being unreasonable? I hope I’m just overthinking because of my own trauma but he did makes me feel abit uncomfortable… he also commented on me and my daughters lips… I really hope I’m over thinking

You say you stopped if there. Give yourself some grace xx

There is a rare condition which presents with certain types of moles and freckles, as well as autistic behaviour. That may have been what he was checking for. However he should be explaining that to you, including why he needed to do a full body check, and he certainly should have allowed you to remove her underwear - I’d be incensed! So yes, absolutely complain.

🙄

@peggyblackett thankyou, yes he said to let the dr know if she gets any more beauty spots etc but the fact he tried to take her knickers off himself. There’s certain actions he’s done such as adjusting his area and the way he just behaves in general I have a bad feeling

No I think she means she's reported your post.

The only only scenario where I can see it being necessarily to remove underwear in this scenario (assuming you didn't raise concerns regarding skin issues, spinal issues, genital conditions or trouble with peeing or pooing) is if there were concerns about abuse (not by the doctor) raised either by your or the doctor. Even if the examination was carried out due to valid medical concerns (rare conditions that could link to the spot in the back) the doctor should have told you and dd what he was doing and why. It is an assault to remove patient's clothes without implied or explicit consent (outside emergency settings where patient cannot consent).

In any case, all intimate examinations require a chaperone such as a nurse or other health care professional present in the room. There is zero situations where it is acceptable to not offer one (unless there are other professionals in the room already in an emergency situation) and there is very limited situations where I as a health professional would be comfortable performing intimate examinations without having a chaperone in the room, especially when examing a child, especially especially if I a was a male doctor examing a little girl.

Complain to the clinic and I personally would consider complaining directly to GMC as well. Having worked for the health service and having been on receiving end of poor care, I believe lot of places have the culture of gaslighting patients who complain about actual issues and sweeping actual issues under the rug unless there is actual visible damage.

Good luck with your complaint. Who are you complaining to - the practice manager? For something that serious , I’d be tempted to contact the GMC (governing body) as well.

This does seem strange in the context of an autism assessment. But if the doctor was performing a skin assessment he may need to see her buttocks. Why are you so convinced he was trying to examine her genitals?

I'm not saying you are wrong but I do think it's worth clarifying why he was assessing her skin and why he needed to remove underwear. If there is no reasonable explanation that's when you take it further and raise a complaint. I find it strange you didn't ask what the skin assessment was for at the time (although he should have explained without being asked...).

You did the right thing putting in a complaint. Your gut instincts are there for a reason x

The doctor should have explained to the mum what he would be doing and if it was ok surely?

OP, don’t beat yourself up at all. You protected your daughter when it was needed, you stood up to him without alarming or scaring your child.
Your instincts sound spot on and I hope it’s all fully investigated.

There's a condition I think that's linked to autism and one of the symptoms is lots of spots, so perhaps that explains checking the skin, however not the rest did you not think to ask?

Also he could be looking for signs of abuse.

Goodness me I actually gasped out loud when I read that part!!! Absolutely no way should he have done that. Talk about in plain sight! Glad to see you will report him.

Was there a nurse chaperone OP?

Thats so odd! I’ve had an autism diagnosis as an adult, and my son is on the pathway and neither of us have ever had this happen, I’ve never even had to have my ‘skin’ checked. When you stopped him what did he say? Was he defensive?

We had a asd peads appt recently can confirm that yes height and weight were taken as was head circumference, and also checked skin on stomach and arms (we had noted that child scratches in anxiety) the physical checks were mentioned in the report so no concerns there.

From what you have said I would raise this immediately.

When ds 3 was seen by the peadatritian she did a whole body exam which included feeling the testicles, reflexes etc
She explained why she was doing a whole body exam.
Ds is also being assessed for autism.

Skin and then taking her knickers off are two different things. 100% report

I work in children’s medicine. This is really, really odd. Please complain!!

I’m diagnosed ASD. DS is on the assessment pathway. Never, in any shape or form, is it necessary to do anything like that. Trust your instinct and report.
This happened to me when I was 13 - male GP put me on the pill for acne. Told me and DM he’d need to inspect my breasts first. He closed the curtains with DM outside, took my top off and touched them all over. It was only a few years ago that I realised it was completely unnecessary. He was dead by then. Please speak up now, as he’ll certainly be doing it to other people.

I've just read the thread and you've said he went to remove her knickers himself?!! My goodness op. Well done for stopping him. I can't believe that dirty creep. It makes me feel so sick. I wonder how many others he has done that to with parents that would be too worried to make a stand. Well done. I hope it's started the ball rolling for him to be dealt with. Like others have said I would contact more places that just the practice. Maybe even contact the police for advise. Hugs to you xxx

Sorry - I should probably elaborate. We would tell you why we needed to undress your DD, and we’d ask you to do it if she wasn’t able to do so herself. With a conscious, well child I cannot picture any scenario where the clinician would just remove a child’s knickers.

Beyond weird. Raise it with the gmc www.gmc-uk.org/concerns/supporting-you-with-your-concern/how-to-raise-a-concern-with-us

You’re not a failure and don’t talk to yourself like this ever. You’re on Mumsnet getting support.

Most parents go to the doctor and should go to the doctor without giving their child’s care a second thought. You shouldn’t have to be on your guard like this.

I would be very confused and taken aback and unsure of what to do and say in your position as would many Mums, you were on the spot and your guard down.

I do think he had skin cancer concerns and seemed to be doing a thorough check ? Was he a paediatrician ? Was there by any chance a full physical check up for some reason ?

I agree that it seems unusual

Oh sorry reading other PP’s it seems this is odd definitely.

I am sorry OP.

Youre not a failure - the world is just messed up.