to be annoyed that my dp gets paid a fortune and just coasts....

[PosieParker]

Today my dp's equal has been promoted to a new post that makes him my dp's boss and I'm really angry. I'm annoyed that my dp just coasts in his role and complains and doesn't try new things or work his arse off for his pay. Quite ridiculous to be annoyed as it keeps us in a nice lifestyle and I cannot work out why I'm so angry but I could cry with temper.
Is it my business, even? When he told me I went nuts and I can't explain why. Pregnancy? Jealousy? Worry? Over involved because I don't have my own job? I just don't know.
Trouble is I'm sure I've made a horrid situation worse for him but I couldn't help it and told him they'd (his bosses) had made him look stupid.

Maybe if earnt a little more ....

only joking.

God he takes home over 10k a MONTH!

You surely COULD survive if he cut his hours?

I don't understand why you are suggesting PP's DH should cut his hours.

He doesn't have a problem. He seems to like his job. It's PP herself who's finding herself doing a Lady Macbeth routine.

She does't want anyone else to look after the children - so if he cut his hours, she could work while he did childcare

Oh she'll get over the childcare issue. Especially when she has two. Think of it as respite care.

OK, I've only read the OP but here's my two penneth..

maybe your dh's life:work balance is important a promotion almost always leads to longer hours/more stress etc if you are not struggling for money then I think it's great that actually he's not killing himself for his job.

I have four!

get a nanny!

nanny.

PP...go get a nanny, pay her well so she is the best thing ever (you know you can afford it....I would have LOVED a good pay pack when I was a nanny....I would have given 150% 0f me instead of the 110% that I did), and get a very good job of your own with excellent status....

then, your DH can stay happy, coast to his hearts content, and you can be on a par with him instead of being so frustrated.

oh, and I will bet tomorrow the hormones will have calmed down and all this wil seems utterly insane....!!

DH used to work really hard for very little, that was stressful.

But I feel the same sort of, I'm proud of my dh's achievements and of course he supports us all and works hard. But at the same time I feel frustrated at my own sense of stagnation, that I can't go out to work and achieve to the level I know I'm capable of.
Also not earning my own money made me feel totally dependant and that's a bit scary, at least for me, though my dh luckily views the money he earns as our money.

However, I've just started some cleaning work even though I have a university degree, and that's ok for the moment, I'm doing what I can to fit in with my life as it is now. I'm going to start an OU course next year too, to prepare for when the dc's are older and I can go out to work.

It took me a while to realise that my life hasn't stopped when I had the dc's, I obviously still have a life!! Just a different one, and this life is worthwhile and makes me happy because it's the only life I've got!
This is just a phase of your life and eventually you'll be able to do other things that you want to that you find fulfilling. You just have to ride out the wait.

yes you definately need a live in nanny and for you to be able to work

To put it into perspective posie, some people earn 10% of your dhs wage p/a and see alot less of their children. But I am up for a swap, if you fancy - as expat suggested and I dont think the sarky cow was reffering to my financial situation either....

I know, I have nothing to complain about which is why I thought I'd come back to earth with a reality check from MNers.
My dp wants to do 'wifeswap' as he thinks I would have a shock to see what other women do because I'm lazy and have a cleaner twice a week. I blame MN actually as I was bored of other internet sites!!

get a nanny and get a job. You clearly want one.

Why do you feel you have to do the childcare yourself? There are some great nannies out there and you can then stretch your ambition in the way you clearly want to.

Are you a bit of a perfectionist maybe and you feel if you can't compete with DH's career you must be at home being the best SAHM ever (but without the creativity and baking angle you wish you had) so you feel frustrated that you're not as good as you should be/thought you'd be/want to be?

Maybe it's just not you for the long term?

I'm all for babies being in one to one care but maybe when the new baby gets to the age of 1 you could start planning?

It doesn't matter if it's not cost effective - if it's good for your life and for your relationships then why not?

Dittany. Yes, but the other guy was in on that!!

Margo, spot on, I do feel like I am not the best at anything I can be. Used to be pretty vain, body like Kylie, now pregnant and lardy, used to have a great job and a stream of male admirers, now a SAHM with no admirer not even the plumber!!, used to go out and have a good sinlge life, now want to stay in read a little (not enough) and fall asleep in front of the telly (used to say television!!).

It's sounds like my life Posie .

How old are are your children and when is this one due?

DS1 6, DS2 5, DD1 20 months and next due November 3rd. I am happy very rarely, you know I smile and I make occasions joyful but I like driving down the road in my lovely new people carrier, with my nice sunglasses and smile, smile, smile and then as soon as I return home I feel like a fraud! Like the car and material stuff are extensions of my make up and I hide behind it all as if I'm happy underneath and I'm not.

Dittany, I think in the whole scheme of things if everything were a bit better in my relationship a whole lot wouldn't bother me.

Oh Posie , what do you feel would make you happier?