to be annoyed that my dp gets paid a fortune and just coasts....

[PosieParker]

Today my dp's equal has been promoted to a new post that makes him my dp's boss and I'm really angry. I'm annoyed that my dp just coasts in his role and complains and doesn't try new things or work his arse off for his pay. Quite ridiculous to be annoyed as it keeps us in a nice lifestyle and I cannot work out why I'm so angry but I could cry with temper.
Is it my business, even? When he told me I went nuts and I can't explain why. Pregnancy? Jealousy? Worry? Over involved because I don't have my own job? I just don't know.
Trouble is I'm sure I've made a horrid situation worse for him but I couldn't help it and told him they'd (his bosses) had made him look stupid.

I agree with Youcannotbeserious. Career-driven men are not always nice to live with. Be good to your DP - he's the man you chose, not a different sort of career obsessive.

I also agree with the loud chorus of "get a job" although I don't entirely agree with those who have intimated "get a life". I hope you have become over-involved because you think your DH is suffering unfairly from lack of recognition. Although I do think you are making it worse for him not better.

Ninedragons, I'm not sure what I am qualified to do. I earnt good money in sales long before my babies came. I have a degree in Theology (I am an atheist) and have coasted myself to some degree.
I have lived vicariously through my dp... but with a 20 month old and another on the way and a loathing of child care, parents in Asia, what can I do? Perhaps this is the real source of my annoyance.
I am a SAHM without the creative, baking and cleaning parts. If my dp is not on the up I feel that's a reflection on me, I'm not his mother... perhaps I need an identity??

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Expat, none of my friends know how much dp earns and if you saw my home I'm not sure you'd guess!!! I have no problem saying it on here as I have anonimity, you never know I could be 30stone and 4ft??? and so I'm not trying to boast. About the money that is!!

Why not try volunteering then, Posie? There's a lot you can do, even from home, and get a flavour for what you like and don't like.

Can also help build up a CV if you've been out of the workforce or wish to maybe change gears and try something new.

I don't know about encouraging PP to work or volunteer if she has a horror of childcare and no childcare

I absolutely do think that work is the answer though - don't make your poor DH the victim of your ambitions - go fulfill them yourself

Perhaps I should have labelled this thread is pregnancy turning me into a selfish, ungrateful, bitch who cannot be satisfied? Or I convert to Xenia camp?

Message withdrawn

ooh I hvae a degree in theology too and I work in IT

Can't your DP work part time so you can work?

I am taking notes....

You sound like you've got incredible energy and drive and pent up competitive instincts - you really should get over the horror of childcare at least for a couple of days a week

I think you should work in a different field from your DH btw

Perhaps you could do some charity work? Find yourself a niche? Re-train? A different degree?

MP, not an option I'd never make up the salary and he works in a job that could never be part time.

you might be able to swap childcare with another mum rather than going down the paid route

Quattro, I like the thought that I should work in a different field!! First time I've smiled since he called.

Effie, I surely need to find a solution. I have started writing children's stories, well penning the ones I tell my boys at night, but that's a bit solitary and I'm sure lots of Mums do that.

There is lots of great childcare, it's not that bad

oh and remember to try and be nice to your DH tonight

I've just emailled him and apologised for my response.

It sounds like you feel as though if you were doing his job you would be better at it than he is. If that is how it is coming across to him I'm surprised he's even talking to you! And your comment about desiging software for him to use at work - that just sounds like plain interfering I'm afraid. If you have time on your hands you need to do something to build up your own self worth (I think you said something about getting an identity)and leave dh to do his job without you sticking your nose in.

I really think you should start your own business. Not a little artsy-crafty jam-making type business but something where you can build and build and build your empire. You've got a background in sales therefore you must have a brass neck, you've got bags of determination - we just need to think up a business idea for you.

Sometimes we all get angry about things that other people don't 'get', you feel what you feel for your own reasons.

But 200K???!!!!! And he still comes home to the kids every night????!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, now that I've calmed down....,he may see the negatives of this other job adn have already decided that it's not for him.
I don't think he particularly lacks ambition and I'd be surprised if he 'coasts' through his day - after all you don't get to earn 200k through lack of ambition and you don't get paid 200k if you coast all day!!

what about charity fundraising

your It background would make you good at analysing budgets and figures, and your sales background would be useful for selling the charity's projects to potential funders

there is good money in it if you turn out to be good at it, and most charities want part-time fundraisers, so it is a great job with children

You can also start voluntarily to prove yourself, or get yourself on a Board of trustees (people are always gagging for them) and go from there

Can you do IT troubleshooting stuff for small businesses? You know, everything from choosing a computer and setting everything up (really hard for older people who aren't used to the technology) to dealing with crises...