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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my dp gets paid a fortune and just coasts....

296 replies

PosieParker · 06/05/2008 12:14

Today my dp's equal has been promoted to a new post that makes him my dp's boss and I'm really angry. I'm annoyed that my dp just coasts in his role and complains and doesn't try new things or work his arse off for his pay. Quite ridiculous to be annoyed as it keeps us in a nice lifestyle and I cannot work out why I'm so angry but I could cry with temper.
Is it my business, even? When he told me I went nuts and I can't explain why. Pregnancy? Jealousy? Worry? Over involved because I don't have my own job? I just don't know.
Trouble is I'm sure I've made a horrid situation worse for him but I couldn't help it and told him they'd (his bosses) had made him look stupid.

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 07/05/2008 13:20

PP - that person had the opportunities but didn't take them

What about a person who earns highly working between 50-60 hours a week and has done all their working life and is still expected to contribute far far more in taxes (both proportionally and in real terms) than someone who has spent their entire life conjugating the verb to idle in the first person?

Original poster
PosieParker · 07/05/2008 13:29

Quattrocento, I thought a 60 hour week wasn't permitted?
Some people are lucky too...
I don't think it's all so simple, what about the care worker who wipes the backsides of people in society that noone wants to look after? That person who does a job that I could never do taking care of the mentally ill, severely disabled or elderly? Should they live in poverty in this country? Or are you saying they should get a better job and stop complaining? Or after a very hard day get a second job at night?

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 07/05/2008 13:36

Ah - the working time directive

that thing that many organisations (including mine) require their senior executives to contract out of ...

As for low-paid jobs, it's both great and necessary for society that people take them. They are mostly entitled to a living wage though thanks to the minimum wage and they pay far less in taxes proportionally than a higher earner and can get help in terms of tax credits etc.

Youcannotbeserious · 07/05/2008 13:39

PP - Yes, it's permitted to work a LOT more than 60 hours per week - you just have to sign a release form. In my last job, it was expected that you would sign the form. It was an unwritten rule.

I do appreciate that many people are brought up in an environment where there might not be a huge amount of motivation - but (i) there is nothing wrong with working on a production line and (ii) it's still possible (even at a later age) to complete further qualifications, become a team leader etc.,

My point was and is: If you have the mental capacity to bitch about what other people have or do, then you have the mental capacity to do something about it.

Isn't that exactly why there are so many single / young mums who are totally fed up with being lumped in with the 'scroungers' when so many people work DAMN hard to change their circumstances / upbringing....

WideWebWitch · 07/05/2008 13:40

Can I get this straight?

  • your dp earns £200k
  • You have 3 children and one on the way
  • You'd like to work but don't approve of childcare
  • you're not married

Well, from that lot if it's true, I'd conclude

  • You have to be a sahm if you don't like childcare
  • you are stuffed if he leaves you, having stopped working to look after children since you are not married
  • given point 1 above you can't get a job

If he behaves badly then that's a different issue imo and you need to sort it out with him (didn't see lift thing, link please someone)

But actually, if someone is paid a fortune and coasts, I'd call that a RESULT.

southeastastra · 07/05/2008 13:42

even a team leader etc wouldn't earn that much youcannotbeserious.

your post is very patrionising.

beaniesteve · 07/05/2008 13:45

Butting in a bit but.... I am always totally amazed at what other people earn. I earn just short of £22,000 a year and I am 38 years old. I want to have children, my OH earns a similar amount. I will continue to work.

I am gobsmacked at people who consider themselves hard done by for living on one wage when that one wage is often more than my OH and My wage put together.

Does my so called low wage prove that I have no ambition?

Original poster
PosieParker · 07/05/2008 13:45

WWW, I have been chastised and have come to a fair few decisions!! I do approve of childcare but not for my children as I just couldn't leave them, probably didn't love my job enough to stay working and had two dss in quick succession and so the financial gain would not have been so great, part time work was not an option in my line of work.
One thing has arisen from all of this SAHM/WOHM and this thread that I will try to steer my dcs in the direction of professional work where there is a place for part time/flexi hours without too much of an impact on career paths. A couple of my friends are GPs and they work part time as do their partners (also MDs) and so all are happy!!

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 07/05/2008 13:46

I didn't say that a team leader WOULD earn that much (in fact, I can't think of many jobs that DO pay £200K) but my point is that you don't have to just sit doing the same thing day after day after day and then complaining when the results are always the same.

i totally disagree with the mentality that a person can expect someone else to change their life / circumstances. if you find that patronising, then so be it.

WideWebWitch · 07/05/2008 13:49

baniestevie, go on, start a "what do you earn" and ask people to name change and post, I love reading those!

PP, yes I can see you got a kicking, quite understandably! But hey, it's great if you;ve decided to steer your children in a direction that means they'll get cash + a life. And if you;ve made some decisions that will make you happier.

WideWebWitch · 07/05/2008 13:50

I would be worried about not being married though in your position. Really.

Quattrocento · 07/05/2008 13:52

PP you are on the verge of living vicariously again ...

Beanie - I dunno anything about your ambitions - be happy and all that - just as long as you don't expect me to pay even more effing tax

Judy1234 · 07/05/2008 13:54

If someone was brought up in a family with no drive? One hopes school will encourage them.

On tax I think once you've paid say £50k a tax a year you should keep 100% of your earnings over that.

So you're not married. I hope the house and all savings are in joint names then!

Youcannotbeserious · 07/05/2008 13:54

Beaniesteve - If this thread proves one thing it's that no amount of money will make you happy..... if you want kids, then I'd say go for it.... You'll manage...

I'm with QuattroCento on the tax thing though!

bundle · 07/05/2008 13:55

no way should people stop paying tax over a certain threshold, that's obscene

Youcannotbeserious · 07/05/2008 14:00

Of course it is, Bundle....

And it doesn't play any part at all in the decision of so many millionaires to become tax exiles (who, by the way, then pay NO tax but are still eligble for NHS treatment / public services etc!)

That's far less obscene isn't it???

Original poster
PosieParker · 07/05/2008 14:05

Xenia, spend a day in a school in Peckham or one of the many failing schools in Bristol, or how about in the family home of the countless kids brought up surrounded by alcoholism, drug addiction and violence. I am not saying that all is bleak and we should just expect, but these people who care (sorry to bleet on about them) for the elderly do a truly valuable job for the minimum wage, because there's no money in care, no profit and little value given to it. there are loads of people who claw themselves out of poverty and up the ladder of success but for those working their guts out at the bottom of the ladder I don't see why some of their contributions couldn't be subsidised by the very wealthy.
Noone needs a tax free £2,000,000 bonus and I think it's selfish and pretty disgusting that we live in a society where people would even think about only paying £50k tax when earning in excess of £100,000... Another example of morality governed by position.
Quattro I will sort out my own career first before I tell my, very young, children that 'Mummy never had a career but they must'!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PosieParker · 07/05/2008 14:09

YCBS, I get the whole tax exile and know that people skip the loopholes and don't pay, but that rests with their own selfish conscience and should not be encouraged further by legislation. If it were to be capped I would think at least £100k and noone but the super rich have a good enough accountant or lifestyle to escape tax, do they? Please correct me if I'm wrong, most of my knowledge these days comes from the odd article from a broadsheet (when a blue moon is in the sky) and Jeremy Vine!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PosieParker · 07/05/2008 14:11

WWW, I am getting married as soon as Diana Porter finishes our rings, I was thinking of having 'At least I get half' scribed on mine. (for those unfamiliar she sells gorgeous bespoke and other divine jewellery collections)

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 07/05/2008 14:16

Glad to hear it PP, I have a Diana Porter wedding ring too. But not one of those that says "on and on and on" as I thought it could be interpreted as me going on and on and on at dh

Youcannotbeserious · 07/05/2008 14:18

PP - I don't agree with tax loopholes either - but there again, neither do I agree with 'free for all' public services.....

And, you don't need a luxury lifestyle to be a tax exile - any holiday property abroad (or southern Ireland) will do it.

oiFoiF · 07/05/2008 14:19

nice to see the socialists out in force

Original poster
PosieParker · 07/05/2008 14:27

I have to say I do love these chats on MN, I always feel mildly clever (by osmosis!!) for a breif spell in my day.
Youcannot. What do you mean 'free for all', people that can afford it pay?

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 07/05/2008 14:31

Yes, PP. I appreciate that it's not that easy, but on the whole, if you can afford to pay, then yes, I don't think you should burden the NHS.

Most organisations provide healthcare to their senior staff.. I believe that it ought to be more widespread......

Youcannotbeserious · 07/05/2008 14:32

Forgot to add, I believe that if you CHOOSE to pay no tax (by become a tax exile for instance), then you should forgo the rights to free public services / healthcare etc.,