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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I ungrateful?

132 replies

modernshmodern · 21/01/2025 20:39

I had a pretty big operation a few months ago. I'm off work and in physio. Dh has had to work from home and do all school runs and dog walks plus take me to appointments. It's been rough on him and I had been in a lot of pain and on very strong painkillers so not fully with it a lot of the time. My physio wants me to start a group session fortnightly on a weekday morning as part of my rehabilitation. He booked me on the next session .

Dh was at the appointment when we booked it but then mentioned today (about a week later that he can't just take time off to take me, and that I might have to sort something else out. I suggested he drive home rather than wait, or go to a cafe and work there. He said no and then repeated that he can't just take me and it's not fair on him.

There is no one else who can take me , any family members who drive are at work or live too far away. I need support so taxi wouldn't work. I pointed this out and said if he can't take me then I can't go. And that making me feel guilty for putting on him wasn't really fair. He got angry and told me I am fucking ungrateful for everything he does. I said if he can't take me then i can cancel . He said don't cancel.

I think this is unfair because the reality is he has to take me or I don't go. If he can't take me that's fair enough but making me feel crap for it is unfair. I constantly feel guilty as it is to the kids and him. But I can't rush my recovery or I risk setting myself back

OP posts:
Scotland32 · 28/01/2025 16:05

Might have been said already but in our area there is a charity that provides transport to appointments like this, with the volunteer driver able to support and assist if needed. Can you investigate if there is similar near you?

Original poster
modernshmodern · 28/01/2025 20:40

hcee19 · 28/01/2025 12:10

Alot of people who drive taxies, are very helpful . If you did book a taxi you could tell them what help you need and they will let you know if they can help, or not. I agree with your husband, saying he isn't able to take you to and from your physio appointments. He is doing well, doing the school runs etc whilst working from home to look after you...l know how hard it can be for him, l was in the same position a couple of years ago. I had leukemia, 5wks in hospital, 2wks at home, continuing like this for seven months. At this time we had 6yr old and a set of twins who were 2yrs old ....My husband was brilliant, not always doing everything l would have liked to be done, but did his best.He was working too, not at home as he is a police officer......What l am saying is, you don't need to thank him every minute, but spare a thought, he is doing his best and, that's all you can ask. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Wow you both deserve a medal? How are you now?

OP posts:
Original poster
modernshmodern · 28/01/2025 20:40

@hcee19 sorry that was meant to be ! After medal

OP posts:
hcee19 · 28/01/2025 20:45

Leukemia came back again, 18 months later, has a second bone marrow transplant. Now two years have passed, but 5 wks ago my husband got diagnosed with bowel cancer...Honestly, it does make you question why....But, we will get through it, fingers crossed, moaning about it, won't change it... We are planning a really good holiday if all goes well with his treatment which l am sure of...Thank you for asking, very kind of you

Original poster
modernshmodern · 28/01/2025 20:58

hcee19 · 28/01/2025 20:45

Leukemia came back again, 18 months later, has a second bone marrow transplant. Now two years have passed, but 5 wks ago my husband got diagnosed with bowel cancer...Honestly, it does make you question why....But, we will get through it, fingers crossed, moaning about it, won't change it... We are planning a really good holiday if all goes well with his treatment which l am sure of...Thank you for asking, very kind of you

We have had a few difficult things/losses in the last few years, it's tough isn't it? But I'm lucky nothing life threatening for me, dh or kids. Thinking of you Flowers

OP posts:
hcee19 · 28/01/2025 21:07

We all have things going on, some more than most, but we are determined, strong and will not let it beat us, we have so much to look forward too. I am a positive person and know there is always someone worse off, because there is....but thank you so much for your kind words, means alot 🌸x

Thirteenblackcat · 28/01/2025 21:08

I’m going through a very similar situation at the moment as your husband. My husband had an awful accident around Christmas time and I’m currently doing school runs, all chores, cooking, kids clubs drop off and pick up. I’m working full time too.

He will be exhausted and feeling pulled in every direction

I hope you are recovering well, I would advise speaking to the hospital to enquire about volunteer drivers, or do you have any friends or family who could help?

I bet if you put a message in a school WhatsApp or facebook group someone could help, people are more charitable than you think. Really though, make the effort to try take the pressure off him.

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