DH wants to change DD's name AIBU?

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Hi all, just after some opinions because I’m starting to feel like I’m losing the plot. Apologies in advance if this turns into a bit of a rant!

DD is 6 weeks old and, while DH and I agreed on her name (let’s call her Amelia), he’s now suddenly saying he doesn’t like it anymore and thinks we should change it. 😳 His reasoning? He says it’s “too popular” (🙄), that she’ll have 5 other Amelias in her class, and that people will call her “Milly,” which he apparently hates.

For context, I picked the name after MONTHS of back and forth because DH vetoed literally every other suggestion I came up with. He said he liked Amelia when I was in labour (🤦‍♀️) and now he’s doing a complete 180. He’s suggested “Ottilie” instead, which I’m not keen on at all – it feels a bit too try-hard.

I’ve said it’s ridiculous to change her name now, as she’s already had her birth registered and we’ve told everyone what her name is. My mum is already using personalised bibs with her name on them, FFS.

DH says it’s “not too late” and that I’m being stubborn and unreasonable not to consider it. AIBU to think he should have brought this up before she was born, and we should just leave it as Amelia now?

I should add, DD has already started to “feel” like an Amelia to me, if that makes sense, and the thought of changing it now feels really weird and wrong.

Thanks in advance – I’m going to put the kettle on, but I’ll be back to read replies!

TL;DR: DH liked DD’s name when she was born, but now he wants to change it because it’s “too popular.” I think it’s too late and he’s being unreasonable.^^ Thoughts?

Ottilie is popular too. Know a few. My DD's name was unusual. Year before she was born there were 2 registered with the same name and now theres well into the 100's looking at 2023 data.

It's near impossible to have a name no one else has and there's no need to. There will only be one Amelia like her. She is unique. A name is a name not a person.

I think it's reasonably common to question a name at this time. I know I did with DD and debated changing it. Now she's very much her name now she's older. If you both dislike the name then its not too late to change it. But it sounds like you're stuck on it which is fine. YANBU to refuse.

Thank you – this is really reassuring to read. I completely agree that it’s impossible to find a name no one else has these days, and I don’t think that should even matter. I keep telling DH that Amelia will be her own person regardless of how common or uncommon the name is.

I hadn’t thought about name regret being normal, so it’s helpful to hear that you went through something similar and that your DD grew into her name. I think that’s part of why I’m so reluctant to change it – she already feels like an Amelia to me, and I think it would be really unsettling to switch now.

DH is the only one who seems to dislike it at the moment, so I don’t think I’ll budge unless I start feeling differently myself (which I don’t think I will!). Thanks again for the perspective – it’s really helped.

What about Amelie?

its like Amelia but maybe not as popular?

Thanks for the suggestion, but I think if we were going to change it, we’d go for something completely different rather than just a slight variation. I do like Amelie, but I worry it would feel like we’re settling for a “compromise name” that neither of us is truly in love with.

To be honest, I still really love Amelia, and I’m not sure I could picture her being called anything else now. I don’t think popularity should matter as much as DH seems to think it does – it’s a lovely, timeless name for a reason!

I wonder if he’s struggling to bond? I may be way off but many men find the newborn stage hard to connect. I wouldn’t change the name for the reasons he’s saying though.

You've got a year to change her birth certificate, haven't you? See if he still feels strongly at 11 months. And get him to talk to someone, because it's such a left field request there might be something going on.

What is the process now her birth is registered. Can it even be done?

You can’t change the name of an 11 month old! They recognise their name at this age, it would be unfair.

You could be onto something there – it’s possible he’s finding the newborn stage harder than he’s letting on. He’s been really hands-on, but I know it can still be tough for some dads to bond in those early weeks. I’ll have a word with him about how he’s feeling, as I hadn’t really considered that angle.

That said, I really don’t think changing the name is the solution, especially for the reasons he’s giving. I’d rather work through whatever he’s feeling in a different way than go down the road of renaming her. She’s already Amelia to me, and I think that’s what matters most right now. Thanks for the insight – I’ll definitely keep that in mind when we talk about it.

It can be done within a year you have to pay a fee £40 when I did it. I was changing middle name not 1st.

Tell him you have considered it and the answer is still no 🤷‍♀️ ridiculous to change her name now.

I don't think his reason is good enough. He doesn't dislike the name...he just thinks there may be others with the same name in her class (my kids primary school is a 3 form entry and there are no Amelias in either of my children's year groups, so don't think it's a given). And what's the issue? It won't affect friendships or work or anything, people will just refer to her by a nickname or by first name last name. If there was a different reason then maybe, but he could have researched how popular it was before she was born.

I know what he means about the nickname and if he doesn't like milly then can you agree you'll call her Amie or Lia or something for short so that she doesn't get known as Milly?

It's a tough one as you both need to, at least like, the name. He did, and you agreed so it's not fair on you if you like the name and she grown into it, in your head, but equally your dh is entitled to change his mind. No one is right or wrong here. If you don't like his suggestion you continue to call her that, maybe he can refer to her with a nick name.

Or agree to discuss it in a month's time to give you all time to settle and think. The newborn stage is always difficult, I couldn't make a decision to save my life, let alone and important one like a name.

You gave birth to her, you should have the final say, imo.

If he doesn't like Millie as a nickname, get ahead by creating a nickname like Amy... but remember parents rarely get to control nicknaming, they happen organically when the kids are at school

Haha, you’re absolutely right – I think I might just have to tell him that I’ve considered it and my answer is still a firm no! It does feel a bit ridiculous to even be talking about it at this stage, especially with everything already sorted. I’m just not sure why he’s bringing it up now when we’ve had her name picked out for so long.

I think I’ll stand my ground and explain that it’s not something I’m willing to change, no matter how much he’s having second thoughts. Hopefully, that will be the end of it! Thanks for the support – it really helps to hear I’m not being unreasonable!

I say all that as someone who had massive name regret and wanted to change it for the first year - my husband vetoed me!

Ottilie is far more popular than Amelia, but yes, she will get called Milly, but that's something you would have realised sooner than now

FWIW, I chose one name my partner loved (eldest) one I did (youngest). Both ended up being in the top 20 names the respective years. NEITHER of them have ever been in a class (either school or extra curricular) with someone of the same name. In fact, in the dance school they attend (children 2-18) there has only ever been one other child with the same name.

Just a random suggestion but you might like Amelie, its very similar to Amelia not much of a 'change' at all but much less common (without being try hard or overly odd) and not likely to be nicknamed Milly.

A potential nn of Tilly? .. Will he dislike that as with Milly?
He sounds a bit of a bully imo.

If he doesn’t like Milly, why don’t you go Princess Diaries root and nickname her Mia?

if you still really love Amelia then keep her name. It would be different and not too late to change it if you were both unsure,,,

That’s a good point – Tilly could definitely be a cute nickname, though I’m not sure how DH would feel about that either, given his current view on potential nicknames! 😅 It’s such a tricky situation.

As for him sounding like a bully, I honestly don’t think he means to come across that way, but I do feel like he’s being a bit unreasonable with this whole name change idea. It’s one thing to have doubts, but to bring it up so late just feels a bit like I’m being backed into a corner.

I think I need to have a proper chat with him and remind him that we’re both parents here, and the name we picked is what feels right for us – not just what’s popular or what might have the odd nickname he doesn’t like. Thanks for your support – I’ll definitely try to stand firm!

That’s actually a really sweet idea – I hadn’t thought of Mia as a nickname! I love The Princess Diaries too, so it feels like a fun little connection. I’ll suggest it to DH and see what he thinks.

It might help to give him a nickname option he likes, as part of his issue seems to be about what others might shorten it to. And to be honest, I’d much rather her be a Mia than him trying to push for a completely different name at this point! Thanks for the suggestion – I’ll definitely give it some thought!

You’re welcome!! Hopefully he likes it