DH wants to change DD's name AIBU?

[maxzm62]

Hi all, just after some opinions because I’m starting to feel like I’m losing the plot. Apologies in advance if this turns into a bit of a rant!

DD is 6 weeks old and, while DH and I agreed on her name (let’s call her Amelia), he’s now suddenly saying he doesn’t like it anymore and thinks we should change it. 😳 His reasoning? He says it’s “too popular” (🙄), that she’ll have 5 other Amelias in her class, and that people will call her “Milly,” which he apparently hates.

For context, I picked the name after MONTHS of back and forth because DH vetoed literally every other suggestion I came up with. He said he liked Amelia when I was in labour (🤦‍♀️) and now he’s doing a complete 180. He’s suggested “Ottilie” instead, which I’m not keen on at all – it feels a bit too try-hard.

I’ve said it’s ridiculous to change her name now, as she’s already had her birth registered and we’ve told everyone what her name is. My mum is already using personalised bibs with her name on them, FFS.

DH says it’s “not too late” and that I’m being stubborn and unreasonable not to consider it. AIBU to think he should have brought this up before she was born, and we should just leave it as Amelia now?

I should add, DD has already started to “feel” like an Amelia to me, if that makes sense, and the thought of changing it now feels really weird and wrong.

Thanks in advance – I’m going to put the kettle on, but I’ll be back to read replies!

TL;DR: DH liked DD’s name when she was born, but now he wants to change it because it’s “too popular.” I think it’s too late and he’s being unreasonable.^^ Thoughts?

Like others have said, the good thing about the name Amelia is all the nickname options. I know an Amelia who goes by Lia which is lovely

as others have said you’ve also got Mia, Amy, Mila etc. lots of lovely options. I really don’t like Ottille either - it seems to be becoming very popular too

My grandaughter is amelia- as far as I know her name has never been shortened by anyone ( except her, who called herself 'Meal-ya' when she was tiny)

She finds it hilarious that there is another Amelia in her class- doesnt bother her in the least

Personal opinion only, of course, but IMO Ottilie is hideous! Even Ottoline isn't quite as bad (although it's a narrow margin). Adeline is an improvement, although I 'get' that this is a marmite name, too.

But I'd far rather have a less uncommon name than have a monstrosity like Ottilie foisted on me for life. I'd take Amelia over that any day.

What if he doesn't like that name in another six months' time and wants to change it again?

Ottilie is very Instagram 2022. Has he considered Kombucha or Small Plates?

You’ve hit the nail on the head. DH wasn’t really active in suggesting names before she was born – I did most of the thinking, and when we settled on Amelia, he seemed happy enough. Now that she’s here, though, he’s suddenly having second thoughts, which is really frustrating.

I do think I need to have a more thoughtful conversation with him about it, rather than just dismissing his feelings outright. But ultimately, I’ve spent nine months thinking about this, and I can’t just change my mind because of a sudden burst of doubt. Thanks for the advice – I’ll try a gentler approach and see if we can find a middle ground without completely changing her name.

YANBU. If you have already registered her and the only reason he now dislikes it is that he thinks it’s too popular then it’s a silly reason to change it imo.

This is because far as I know, any amendments to the BC will show on the new one so the child will find out their “original” name - so imo ideally parents ought to have a really good reason to change a name; such as it constantly being misspelt, mispronounced, found out that she’s likely to be teased etc could all be good reasons as they could be really annoying for the child themselves - but “popularity” these days isn’t imo.

A popular name likely has more benefits than negatives - especially since gone are the days when there could be several of one name in a class (even with the most popular names now it’s statistically unlikely for there to be 2 in a class - and when it does happen it can happen even with the most random names. Ottilie is gaining in popularity rapidly- how would you/he feel if you change it and there does happen to be another in her class?)

Bonuses to a popular name imo : likely familiar enough that most know how to say and spell it, most people will probably like the sound of it (part of the reason it’s popular), “fit in” with peers, can easily can tat with their name on it in shops (which most kids love).

Is it possible there’s some other reason he’s decided he now dislikes “Amelia”?

From the mothers on here who are really unhappy with their child’s name and the DH’s “veto” changing it - it causes a lot of upset. I think you need to give more consideration to the fact he doesn’t like it. Yes he’s a pia who should have contributed more prior to the event, no he shouldn’t have gone along with a name he wasn’t wild about to keep the peace. But he deserves contribution to his child’s name.

@IamnotwhouthinkIam why does it matter that they'll see they were originally going to be known by another name? Either way, your parents chose it, whether it was during pregnancy, or when they'd realised after birth what suited you more. My name was possibly going to be Olivia. I'm not angry that it wasn't, as my parents' decided what was best for me. I just wouldn't make a decision based on that. They are the ones who name us, so they decide.
This is a bit of a sore subject for me as I went through changing my son's name, but it was all done thinking of him. I really didn't think he'd like what he was going to be, and he didn't suit it IMO. I hope he doesn't feel angry about it like you suggest!

What’s your DH’s name? Is he the only one called that name? No, of course not - because he’s being ridiculous. You don’t agree to a name and then change your mind weeks after the baby has been born. Just say No.

As for nicknames, people call you what you want to be called. As an example, I know a Charlotte who’s only ever called Charlotte, and a Charlotte who’s almost always referred to as Charlie. It’s up to you and DH as to which nickname (if any) your DD has.

I agree with the PP that he might well be focussing on the name because he’s not bonding properly with your DD, and/or he’s feeling inadequate.

Thank you, this is such a thoughtful response, and you’ve made some excellent points. I completely agree that popularity isn’t a strong enough reason to justify changing her name now, especially since we’ve already registered her. I didn’t realise any changes would show on the birth certificate – that’s definitely something to keep in mind. I’d hate for her to grow up and wonder why we changed it, particularly for such a minor reason.

You’re absolutely right about the benefits of a popular name too. I’d much rather she has a name people can spell and pronounce easily – I’ve seen the frustration that comes with constantly correcting people! And as you said, even with more “unusual” names, you can’t guarantee there won’t be another one in her class. The idea of changing her name to Ottilie and then finding out it’s just as common is exactly the sort of irony I’d like to avoid!

I do wonder if there’s something else going on with DH. I’ll have a proper conversation with him to see if this is about more than just the name. But for now, I’m still firmly in the “Amelia is her name” camp. Thanks again for your input – it’s really helped solidify my decision!

If his main worry is about a nickname, these are not inevitable. I know an Eleanor who has remained Eleanor and has never been an Ellie or any other derivative, not even at school/amongst friends. My DC and their friends just don't seem to play with names as much as my generation did. They just call each other whatever they were introduced as, so if your DD is always introduced as Amelia there's no reason she would ever be known as anything else.

This made me laugh – you’re absolutely right! His name isn’t unique either, so I don’t see why he’s making such a big deal about popularity now. And I completely agree – you don’t just change your mind weeks after the baby is born. I think I just need to be firmer and tell him no.

The point about nicknames is a good one too. We can definitely steer what she’s called, at least while she’s little, and I don’t see why that has to be an issue. I’ll talk to him about whether there’s something else behind this, though – it’s possible he’s fixating on the name because he’s struggling to bond or feeling a bit out of his depth. Thanks for the reality check – I think I just needed someone to say it outright!

She's named. Changing it now seems unnecessary and tbh a bit weird.

I completely agree – it does feel unnecessary and, to be honest, a bit strange to change her name now. She’s already been introduced to everyone as Amelia, it’s on her birth certificate, and I can’t imagine calling her anything else.

I think DH just needs to let it go at this point. Amelia suits her perfectly, and I don’t see any good reason to change it. Thanks for backing me up – it’s good to know I’m not the only one who thinks this!

Sorry I know he's her Dad but Christ...you carried her, you pushed (or had her operationally removed)....I think your opinion holds slightly more sway and so should he!!

Didn’t say the child would be angry? 🤷‍♀️ I think you’re projecting. Just that they will find out - so will ask the parent why the change.

Therefore the parent needs an answer prepared (particularly in case the child doesn’t like their “new” name and preferred their original one). There are plenty of great reasons for changing a name but this thread is asking for opinions and in mine, “popularity” - if it’s the sole reason isn’t one of them.

Once they hit toddler age you are calling them all sorts of nicknames I swear 😂. My two are older now (one is 15) but we still refer to them sometimes as their toddler nicknames like Fizzy, Trumpbum, Liz Mc Fiz, WaWa, Bean etc. All of these names come about by cute interactions, cousins not being able to say full names etc.

Try and get him to stick to the name you agreed on and tell him soon enough he will have his own special cute nicknames for her x

My name is unique and with the surname it is the only one in the whole world. Long story as to why. But no, no it ie not fun as you are easily found and privacy is hard. A quick google search and anyone can find me. It is scary.
I wish I had a more common name and surname.

A particular nickname shouldn't be a reason to change her name. Milly doesn't need to be the nickname, you can use Amy, Mia or Lia yourselves. Once she is older and has friends of her own and conscious thought you will have no control at all over what nickname she chooses with her friends.

Aside from the nickname issue, I do think you would be unreasonable not to consider a change of name. Perhaps he genuinely has gone off the name and is using the nickname as a reason because "I don't like it anymore" doesn't sit well. Consider, if it was you who decided you didn't like the name, wouldn't you want him to at least consider it?

If you don't like Ottilie that's fine, rule it out. Then the two of you should talk about other names you both like. It might be that you eventually come back to Amelia or you might find something that works for you both. But it would be unfair not to consider it.

Amelia is a really lovely name, it’s well known but not too common, it sounds grown up and pretty but also intelligent. She can make what she likes of it. I feel it won’t affect the way other people view her and she could do any job with that name.

If he wants something less popular try Karen, Sandra, Doreen, Lesley, Pauline… something like that.

I know an Amelia, whose dad calls her Minnie. Both fab names.

If he doesn't like "Milly" he doesn't have to call her it!

My daughter used to be called Poppy which is nothing to do with her name, it came from calling her Poppet!

He'll get used to it as it is.

I’m going against the grain here…

I wanted to change DS’s name when he was a baby but DH said that it would be confusing, he liked the name, it would be embarrassing / a big deal to explain it to people, let’s keep it, etc.

More than a decade later, I wish I’d changed it! His name is really popular now and there are so many of them. I don’t love it STILL.

I’m kind of with your DH. But only if you both like the new name.

I am a bit of a ruminator, but I have an unusual name and DH and I said we’d never pick a top ten name because I liked being the only [My Name] in the room, and DH has a v popular for his generation name (think Steve).

Anyway, DS’s name is so overdone and so popular that it’s frequently on threads here described as tired. It became a very popular about a year after he was born, but I could sort of feel it coming when he was a baby, which is why I wanted to change it.

Nothing wrong with popular names in general, it’s just that we had tried not to.

So it really depends whether either of you care if she’s one of three Amelias in her year group - and how much you love Amelia. I think if I adored DS’s popular name (I didn’t - just couldn’t agree with DH on anything else at the time) it wouldn’t irk me so much.

Minnie is adorable!