DH wants to change DD's name AIBU?

[maxzm62]

Hi all, just after some opinions because I’m starting to feel like I’m losing the plot. Apologies in advance if this turns into a bit of a rant!

DD is 6 weeks old and, while DH and I agreed on her name (let’s call her Amelia), he’s now suddenly saying he doesn’t like it anymore and thinks we should change it. 😳 His reasoning? He says it’s “too popular” (🙄), that she’ll have 5 other Amelias in her class, and that people will call her “Milly,” which he apparently hates.

For context, I picked the name after MONTHS of back and forth because DH vetoed literally every other suggestion I came up with. He said he liked Amelia when I was in labour (🤦‍♀️) and now he’s doing a complete 180. He’s suggested “Ottilie” instead, which I’m not keen on at all – it feels a bit too try-hard.

I’ve said it’s ridiculous to change her name now, as she’s already had her birth registered and we’ve told everyone what her name is. My mum is already using personalised bibs with her name on them, FFS.

DH says it’s “not too late” and that I’m being stubborn and unreasonable not to consider it. AIBU to think he should have brought this up before she was born, and we should just leave it as Amelia now?

I should add, DD has already started to “feel” like an Amelia to me, if that makes sense, and the thought of changing it now feels really weird and wrong.

Thanks in advance – I’m going to put the kettle on, but I’ll be back to read replies!

TL;DR: DH liked DD’s name when she was born, but now he wants to change it because it’s “too popular.” I think it’s too late and he’s being unreasonable.^^ Thoughts?

I have a very common name for my age, and at times there were 3 of us with the same name in my class. It never bothered me at all, so even though as a parent you might prefer your child to be the only Balonz or whatever, it most likely won't matter to the child at all.

This was my point - this does happen to mothers too and they can get very upset and feel dismissed if their partner vetos changing it. In those circs posters tend to support a name change. So I do think that his name regret should be taken seriously and hope they can come to a mutually agreeable resolution.

There’s quite aa lot of Ottilies here, they all seem to be shortened to Otty which I’m not keen on.

We called DC1 Emilia because we loved Milly but wanted a longer name as well, totally pointless as not once has she ever been referred to as Milly by anyone 😂 DC2 has always called her Mimi.

Does he think he'll struggle to recognise his own child if there is more than one Milly in her class at school?

I will never ever understand those parents that do anything to choose a name that isn't popular at the time. Choose a name you love for the child you love.

Sorry he's changed his mind but his reasoning is silly and petty and IMO it's too late now anyway.

I'd tell him quite frankly that the time for discussion regarding baby's name has now passed. She is Amelia.

If you have another child in the future then other names will obviously be discussed for that child but your first baby now has the name you both agreed on when she was born and that's now set.

As her mother who is still recovering from pregnancy and birth, you are not going to agree to change it.

But surely the point is all this ruminating and ‘what ifs’ are done during pregnancy or soon after birth, not weeks later! It doesn’t take much imagination to think something like “I like the name Cassie a lot….but it’s the name of a major character in [very popular new TV show] so I reckon quite a few people might have it on their names list - so, let’s think again”? Or to listen to other pregnant women and hear them enthusing about Roberta and just know that will be a popular name?

While you’re pregnant, you make a list of names, then narrow that list down, and down again, so you have a few names (2 or 3), then your baby is born, you look in their face and pick the name that suits them from your list or, in the case of a friend, a new name that she and her partner absolutely saw in her baby’s face. Bestowing a name on a child is a big thing. You do it once and do it properly. Then, they are that name.

The contraction to Milly is entirely avoidable - I went to school with an Amanda who was always Amanda - one teacher once said, experimentally, "Mandy.....?" She replied "it's Amanda" and that was that!

Could someone else in the family/ friend group have said negative things about the name that has pushed him in this direction?

Thing is, if you agree to change it now, what if he suddenly decides in six weeks that he now hates Ottilie? Will he want to change it again? Keep vetoing his desire to change DDs name.

Mel and Lia are two other pet names that I have come across.
Don't be moved on this.

Names come and go in fads. My daughter's name wasn't that popular a decade ago, but now every third person is called her name!! Soon this will fade and another name will take precedence.

I think however this reason is a red herring. His real reason for changing her name is that he simply doesn't like it. And that is probably the issue, do you want your husband to dislike his child's name or is it something he will have to deal with himself! Should it even be a him issue?!

I wouldn’t change it now but then I love Amelia. Your daughter may end up being one of several in the year or she may be the only one. My name was in the top 5 so very popular the year I was born but I was the only one in my primary school of around 650 pupils with my first name and one of two at secondary school. The other girl I shared a first name with was three years older than me so not in my year group. Either way it doesn’t matter as long as you love it.

I have a name that is not popular (It’s never been in the top ten or close) yet in my junior, senior and college classes there was another girl with my name (not even the same girl). I went on holiday when younger (18-30 remember them lol) and in our group was a girl with my name. The amount of people I’ve met with my name yet it’s never been popular has always struck me as odd (personally I’ve always hated my name). So unless he made up a name there are no guarantees even an unpopular name will be ‘unique’.

I didn't think about how popular or unpopular dd's name was when I chose it. We both liked it after changing our original first choice and I've just looked and apparently it's number 3704 on the list of girl's names. I can't imagine her being called anything else.
The baby normally very quickly becomes their name so there's no way I'd change it after 6 weeks unless we both hated it.

I love Amelia, it was on our short list, so was Mia. Why not go princess diaries and give her the nick name Mia? X

That’s a risky strategy. What if he says yes? By 11 months it would be much more confusing for a baby to suddenly hear herself called a different name than it would now at only six weeks. Not that I’m saying they should change it now. But I could not agree with changing a nearly one year olds name

I went to primary school in Liverpool and in my class of 40 (1970s) there was a Brian Williams, Simon Williams and 3 David Williams (DS, DW and David). In those days it was pretty common to have a few children with the same name in a class eg Jane, Karen, Debbie. It was never an issue.

I would leave it as Amelia. It's a pretty name and I only know one person, she's 19 and lives in America lol. Her abbreviation is Mia. Everyone calls her Mia. Tell him he can shorten it to Mia, Mel, Amz (said aims). I definitely wouldn't change it.

so he’s concerned she’s going to get called Millie, yet wants to change her name to Ottilie, surely that would get shortened to Tilly?
Prefer Ameilia to Ottilie

I have an Amelia. We struggled to name her, we had the middle name but couldnt settle on the first name. We finally picked it a day after she was born. Id heard the name but didnt no of any other Amelia's at that time (shes 6 now) but now i notice the name more. Its natural. Like when you buy a car and suddenly notice 100 of the same brand and colour as yours or you buy a new coat and suddenly notice others wearing it too.
You dont have to use nicknames, weve never used one yet. And i think if you do use one, it will be something that seems natural as her character comes out

I actually think it takes time to get used to a name. I know some where their baby's name clicked the second they were born but just as many didn't. The name of our first was without doubt the only one we wanted. After she was born I struggled for months wondering if it was right and wondered if we should chnage it. Now, a number of year on, she would suit nothing else!

Given that your DH liked the name originally, could it be a similar case of the wobbles? Other than that, I don't believe it's okay to just chnage it. We know one Amelia, only one! Never heard of Ottille, or however you spell it....

It’s ok for him to have doubts, and to ask how you feel, but once you’ve explained that she is Amelia to you now, he should accept that. I’m sure you would do the same for him.

Popularity of the name isn’t reason enough to change now. Finding out that Great Aunt Amelia was a serial killer, maybe.

I just looked up a UK name popularity list for 2024 and he is technically correct as Ottilie is 69th and Amelia 2nd. But I would also say Ottilie is rising fast and you're actually more likely to get people choosing it for that reason - it will get higher. Amelia has also been reasonably popular for a long time and is therefore a classic. I can see Ottilie crazy peaking and dropping back out and being dated as much as I like the name. I wouldn't choose it for this reason. If he's dead set, you could compromise on Emilia - sounds very similar, similar but different spelling and much lower down the top 100. However I'm also quite tight and a bit lazy. I wouldn't be spending the money and wouldn't want the agg of changing the name, figuring what to do with already personalised items and having to tell people.

Amelia also has more diminutives than Ottilie I think. So there's more potential variety. Your Amelia will also choose what she wants to be as she grows, even if you and your DH decides she's a Milly, she might go to school and very quickly - or eventually christen herself Amy, Mimi, Mia, Lia, Lee, as pp have mentioned.

You also simply can't predict what other people will name their children. I had two Charlottes, two Emmas, two Nicolas and two Catherines in my year at junior school. Loads of multiples throughout my school career. Everyone managed. I've also seen this back fire in terms of less popular names. In my previous life as a trainee teacher, I worked in classes with two Gracie-Mays and two Tierneys.

Names are very area dependent. I see a lot of duplicates in Girlguiding (we have 4 with same name in one group) and they aren’t the top 10 names. Some parents seem put out that their name is so common.

She's only six weeks - I don't think it's too late to change the name at all. It's important that both of you feel happy with the name and both feel it suits the baby. But it's pointless worrying about whether a name is 'too popular', or too old fashioned or whatever - just focus on something you genuinely like. There's literally thousands of names to choose from!