DH wants to change DD's name AIBU?

[maxzm62]

Hi all, just after some opinions because I’m starting to feel like I’m losing the plot. Apologies in advance if this turns into a bit of a rant!

DD is 6 weeks old and, while DH and I agreed on her name (let’s call her Amelia), he’s now suddenly saying he doesn’t like it anymore and thinks we should change it. 😳 His reasoning? He says it’s “too popular” (🙄), that she’ll have 5 other Amelias in her class, and that people will call her “Milly,” which he apparently hates.

For context, I picked the name after MONTHS of back and forth because DH vetoed literally every other suggestion I came up with. He said he liked Amelia when I was in labour (🤦‍♀️) and now he’s doing a complete 180. He’s suggested “Ottilie” instead, which I’m not keen on at all – it feels a bit too try-hard.

I’ve said it’s ridiculous to change her name now, as she’s already had her birth registered and we’ve told everyone what her name is. My mum is already using personalised bibs with her name on them, FFS.

DH says it’s “not too late” and that I’m being stubborn and unreasonable not to consider it. AIBU to think he should have brought this up before she was born, and we should just leave it as Amelia now?

I should add, DD has already started to “feel” like an Amelia to me, if that makes sense, and the thought of changing it now feels really weird and wrong.

Thanks in advance – I’m going to put the kettle on, but I’ll be back to read replies!

TL;DR: DH liked DD’s name when she was born, but now he wants to change it because it’s “too popular.” I think it’s too late and he’s being unreasonable.^^ Thoughts?

Definitely work out another nickname. Lia, Mimi, Ami…

When 12 year old Amelia aka Ottilie informs you that “he” wants to be known as James in future that will put your present disagreement into perspective.
😉😁😁.

@Variegatedleaves You’re absolutely right. I’ve been so focused on trying to keep the peace and make him feel heard, but I shouldn’t be second-guessing myself like this. He had every chance to suggest names before and agreed on Amelia – it’s not like I pushed him into it. I think I’ve been so concerned about his feelings that I lost sight of the fact that this is about what’s best for our daughter now.

I’ll definitely stop pandering to this and focus on what’s best for her. Amelia is her name, and I should stand firm on that. Thanks for the wake-up call – I think it’s exactly what I needed!

She's registered - it's too late. A name change means she'll forever have to write amelia when asked 'previous names'. I think this is actually only on passport applications but still!

I don't know if Ottilie is the real name he is pushing for, but it's horrible! Don't do it!

She doesn’t have to be called a nickname at all. I know several people who when asked say their full name- Christopher never Chris, Caroline never Caz or Caro, Daniel never Dan or Danny. It’s not hard to tell someone a preferred full name of Amelia.

You don't 'always need that extra paperwork' at all. As I said above, we changed our son's name as a baby and he has never needed any extra paperwork since we filled in the form to change his name.

Maybe the name just does not feel like 'her' name to him. Both me and my H felt like this with the name we chose. When we realised that we were both avoiding using his name at all, we realised we really had to change it. Names are important. Sometimes once the baby is here, the name chosen does not feel right. There have been threads on here before where mothers have spoken of this once the child arrived. No one told them just to shut up as they were being ridiculous and I could just imagine the reaction on here if their husband's had said that to them.

Oh I wouldn’t stand for this shit at all, I feel furious on your behalf. Naming a baby is a serious thing, you can’t just have another go because you’ve thought of something else. You and your family are bonding with her with her current name.

It’s also very foolish to change a name based on perceived popularity. You have no idea what names will be popular in her year. I know so many people who picked “unusual” names only to find that they were actually top 10 that year.

It would be one thing if you’d accidentally called her Harold Shipman or her initials spelled BUM or something, but she has a perfectly good name- it’s her name. Your husband trying to change it after the event is absolutely not on.

If he wants to call her a contraction of her name, that’s up to him. It can be a “dad and daughter” thing. But he can’t unilaterally change her perfectly nice name.

Whose surname does she have - your family or his family? Because if it’s his family name, he’s already got a lot of his own way.

Anyway you can’t control what nicknames are used for your child at school . All of my children have quite short names yet they all had nicknames at school and in fact their siblings all have their own nick names for each other ( not related to the school names ) .

Our Amelia is a Mimi

Haha, I agree – Ottilie just isn’t my cup of tea at all! I don’t think it’s the right fit for our daughter either, especially since we’d already agreed on Amelia. It feels a bit too “out there” for me, and I can’t really picture it working for her.

I’ll be sticking to my guns and keeping Amelia as her name. It’s lovely, it suits her, and I don’t think we need to overthink it just because of a sudden change of heart. Thanks for the reassurance – I feel even more confident about staying with what we’ve chosen!

Ottilie is gaining in popularity. How will your DH feel if it ends up being in the top ten names in a few years time (which could easily happen)? I think he’s being daft. Fair enough if he hated the name (clearly not as he agreed to it) but to change it simply because other children have the same name is a silly reason.

Everyone always talks about how popular Amelia is my my Amelia (age 19) was the only Amelia in nursery and primary school and was one of only 3 in her very large secondary (1200 kids)

I work in primary schools and have only ever come across a few Amelia's and never 2 in the same classs. Unlike Isla, Evie, harpers, Olivia's etc

My dd has never been a milly either she is always Amelia

Definitively not too late to change her name. I've been there and done that with my own baby. But I suffered really bad name regret, so much so I had PND symptoms (all disappeared after we made the change, so it was the only cause!). It is easy to change their name within a year, when they don't recognise their own name yet.
In this case I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. My son's name is becoming very common now. I still much rather it than what he was! That reason alone isn't enough too change it really, unless one of you really dislikes it.

@maxzm62 Ottilie is a bit pompous-

{Ottilie reminds me of a sleek mammal on a muddy riverbank with a fish in it's mouth}

''Amelia'' is lovely! {I know some very characterful Amelias, which probably helps one to like a name, as they all have associations.

However, one of these lovely ' Amelias ' has the nickname ''Wurm'', {from ''Meelia that changed to meelyworm } First time I heard her be called 'Wurm' I was surprised!

DS has a very common, popular name- I think one of the top names of his birth year, and my brother also has the same name.

Nothing wrong with classic names, the teacher {if there are several in the class} uses the surname to differentiate, and teacher also looks in the direction of the child.

Stick with 'Amelia' .

Ottilie is in the top 100 girls names as is Amelia. I like Amelia. She could be Amee, Lia, Mel, Mia. She could also have a pet name that's special just between them. My nickname doesn't even relate to my name. He has 9 months to pick a name. I think it's unreasonable to change it now.

Amelia is a lovely name, much nicer than Ottilie. There's also nothing wrong with being called, 'Millie', but you could opt for, 'Ammy' if you wanted. After a while it will be up to her anyway.

I do not get why people want to give their children unusual names. They become so dated!

Classic names are the best even if ordinary. Children called Jane, David, Sarah, Mark and Amelia are never going to have the mickey taken out of them.

Stick to your guns.

Not entirely the same but near it. When my DS was born we had chosen two names, let's say David Trilochan (dual-heritage marriage). We began by calling him Trilo but by the time he was a year old he was most definitely a 'David'. Having two names (which is not unusual) gets round the 'not sure' bit. One of the names will become the name.
So, does Amelia have a second name?

Was he active in thinking of names before she was born or was he letting you come up with them?
If the latter, his opinion should be disregarded without a thought - he had 9 months to do this thinking.
If he did actually put effort into the planning, maybe a gentler approach of "lots of people have name regret, we're very tired, it's a lovely name, you can't guarantee any name won't suddenly become popular/be prone to a nickname we don't like"

Ottilie is super popular. It’s in the top 100. It is trying too hard to be posh. But now it’s common.

Amelia is much nicer.

@Purplehummingbirds I can confidently guess that the name was changed by deed poll. That could possibly require paperwork. In this case - changing a name before a year old - the birth name changes on the birth cerificate. This means it is now their legal birth name. There is no extra paperwork.

You don’t need to have a nickname my full name has a common nickname and my mum always insisted on full name so I use full.
You can’t predict what is popular. We have 4 Guides with same name and it’s not a mega popular name.

He is being a complete idiot. Couldn't come up with anything until you were in labour and now he's done a complete turnaround. Probably a few weeks down the line he'll want another name, or to switch back again. I can see how this must be infuriating and upsetting for you. It's not too late, but it is a bloody piss take that he is pratting about like this. Sounds like whatever the name is it is very pretty and not worth changing particularly because you and wider family have started associating her with her name. Who cares if there are other girls in her class with the same name. Even if you chose a name you think is unusual, you can bet you are not the only one to think that. I thought we had chosen a less popular name for DS and he was one of three in his pre-school. Never caused a single issue.

I wouldn't. His reasons aren't sensible either. The thing is, once you give her the name you only own it until she is old enough to have input. She will pick her own nickname whether any of you like it or not.

I know one kid who has a nickname that is nothing to do with their name anyway. Another set of parents hate nicknames so gave their son a name they thought was too short to be shortened. Everyone calls him N 😂

I think if he has agreed the name up until now, he's unreasonable wanting to change it now
You love it and your girl has become Amelia. I know exactly what you mean
It's a classic name It was my Great Grandmothers name!
I also think you can't just decide on a nickname. They evolve.. or not
My first has never had one and still uses his full name. Whereas my DS2 is called Rowan and is now 27
He has almost always known as " Ro" or Row-Row( the boat) when a toddler
Perhaps DH doesn't quite contact the name with his Daughter just yet
Congratulations!