DH wants to change DD's name AIBU?

[maxzm62]

Hi all, just after some opinions because I’m starting to feel like I’m losing the plot. Apologies in advance if this turns into a bit of a rant!

DD is 6 weeks old and, while DH and I agreed on her name (let’s call her Amelia), he’s now suddenly saying he doesn’t like it anymore and thinks we should change it. 😳 His reasoning? He says it’s “too popular” (🙄), that she’ll have 5 other Amelias in her class, and that people will call her “Milly,” which he apparently hates.

For context, I picked the name after MONTHS of back and forth because DH vetoed literally every other suggestion I came up with. He said he liked Amelia when I was in labour (🤦‍♀️) and now he’s doing a complete 180. He’s suggested “Ottilie” instead, which I’m not keen on at all – it feels a bit too try-hard.

I’ve said it’s ridiculous to change her name now, as she’s already had her birth registered and we’ve told everyone what her name is. My mum is already using personalised bibs with her name on them, FFS.

DH says it’s “not too late” and that I’m being stubborn and unreasonable not to consider it. AIBU to think he should have brought this up before she was born, and we should just leave it as Amelia now?

I should add, DD has already started to “feel” like an Amelia to me, if that makes sense, and the thought of changing it now feels really weird and wrong.

Thanks in advance – I’m going to put the kettle on, but I’ll be back to read replies!

TL;DR: DH liked DD’s name when she was born, but now he wants to change it because it’s “too popular.” I think it’s too late and he’s being unreasonable.^^ Thoughts?

It's bloody ridiculous; it's like he thinks she's a doll. Little girls do this with their dolls, rename them on a whim. Your little girl has a name already - it's Amelia and it's absolutely fine, and it now belongs to her.

unless you are both in agreement YANBU

You agreed on a name together, its not like you bulled him into a name he wasn't keen on

And I say that having slight name regret for one of my sons as it became ridiculously popular a year or two after he was born.

Thank you! Fingers crossed he’s on board – it would definitely be a good way to meet in the middle without changing her name entirely. I’ll bring it up when we next chat about it and see how he feels. Appreciate your help!

Tell him I had never met anyone called by the name I gave my son until I had him, and there were 3 in his class when we went to enrol him. So 'uniqueness' doesn't always work that way!

He’s suggested “Ottilie” instead, which I’m not keen on at all – it feels a bit too try-hard.

Quick google:
What is the rarest girl name in the UK?

Least Popular girls' names in the UK
Yvonne.
Cyan.
Delphina.
Evita.
Gray.
Ottilie.
Rune.
Umi.

https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/details/amelia-252

This has Amelia and second most popular - another site says most popular in East midland in prior year.

So yes as name go it will likely be a common one in any classes she in but why is this a sudden problem 6 weeks after birth and not before? Has someone who dislikes the name suddenly starting making this an issue - why now ?

Is there a middle name she could be know by instead - would that work for you? Or as PP say a diminutive from Amelia.

I picked a much less common name just starting to get popular and DD1 had kids with same name in her year. Felt more an issue in primary possibly because there was less expectation there would be two girls with less common name - with DD2 same kind of popularity but much more traditional and once much more common but there seem to be less surprise there were other girls with same name.

Milly, Mia, Amy etc aren't nicknames, they are contractions. Stinkyboots, Snugglemonster, Big Dave etc are nicknames.

But if your DH changes your baby's name (should you give in to his ridiculous idea) then where's the guarantee that he won't decide it's 'too popular' again in another couple of weeks. A name is an identity, not something you try on for size and fiddle about with. He liked Amelia when you chose it, if he's flaky enough to decide now he doesn't like it, then he might do it again. So the answer is no. Her name is Amelia.

Thank you, that’s exactly how I feel. We both agreed on the name at the time, and it’s not like I forced it on him – he even said he liked it when we picked it! It’s frustrating that he’s changing his mind now and expecting me to go along with it.

I completely understand that name regret can happen, but like you said, unless we’re both in agreement, I don’t see how changing her name is fair or realistic. I still love it, and honestly, I don’t think popularity is the big issue DH is making it out to be. Thanks for the reassurance – it’s good to know I’m not being unreasonable!

Does she already have a middle name? If not, I was wondering if you could add a middle name that he really loves. I 100% agree with you about not changing her name now, for lots of the reasons others have said, but this might be a bit of a compromise.

Ha yes we are good friends with a family where this happened. Not the actual name but parents chose a name like Elizabeth and from the word go used 'Lizzie' for her name. Child got to reception and within a week her whole class and teacher were calling her 'Beth' at her instigation.

Our children are friends at school and I keep having to remember to call the child Lizzie when talking to her parents and Beth when I'm talking about her in a school scenario.

That’s a really good idea, thank you! She does already have a middle name, which is a family name, so I wouldn’t want to change or add to that either. But I do like the idea of trying to find some sort of compromise that makes him feel more included, rather than just shutting him down completely.

Maybe I could encourage him to use a special nickname for her that he chooses, or even talk about the possibility of giving her a second middle name down the line if he’s really struggling with it. But like you, I agree that changing her first name completely just isn’t the right move at this stage. Thanks for the suggestion – it’s given me something to think about!

Have a friend whose daughter is Amelia.
She got Mimi from a young age and it stuck. It really suits her as well!

It really depends on areas of the country too with how common a name is I find. I don't know any Amelia's and didn't when mine were younger either (before school). There are also no Sophia's, Emma's, Ellie's or Isabella's in DCs classes!
Sometimes I think it's the newly popular ones that shoot up, such as ottilie, Arlo, Jasper, Monty etc. whereas Amelia I now see as more of a timeless classic.

There are a few nicknames too - agree Mia is lovely, there's also Amy or Mila.

Saying it might be too popular doesn’t seem a good enough reason to change it now (it’s not as if he hates the name, just the perceived popularity).

It really doesn’t matter if there are other kids in class with the same name. Back in my day you’d get two Julies or Janes or whatever, it’s not unusual.

When my ds was at school he had two kids in the class with the same first and second name!

I have an amelia aged 15. No other Amelia's ever in her year until secondary - there is 1 and 9 classes of 30 kids.

2 Amelie's in her primary though.

And her name (and the other amelia) doesn't ever get shortened!

That’s lovely! Mimi is such a sweet nickname – I hadn’t thought of that one before. It’s nice to hear how a nickname can evolve naturally and really suit the child as they grow.

I think I’ll keep that in mind as a possibility if people start shortening her name. It feels like a great alternative if DH isn’t keen on Milly or other obvious ones. Thanks for sharing – it’s reassuring to hear how things work out!

Personally, since she's only 6 weeks old I'd consider a name change to something you both love. But that wouldn't be Ottilie!

Like another PP suggested, it might be that he's struggling to connect with her, so I'd keep her current name until you have that conversation. He may not be willing to admit that he's struggling though. Some people seem to think it's a failure to admit that. Which it totally isn't. Your lives have completely changed, and as much as you both prepared, the reality can be very different to expectations.

My daughter's name has been in the top 5 since before she was born yet she is the only one in her year of 60 year ones so whilst there are pockets of names it's not always the case. I know two ottilie's under two just for example!

Its not ridiculous to change a name if you as parents are unhappy with it. We changed our son's name when he was about three or four months old. There is a special form for changing the name of children under one year old, as it turned out. So it can't be that unusual.

This isn't a matter of whether its ' ridiculous' to change a baby's name. It clearly is not. This is a matter of one parent liking the name and one not. This is a relationship issue you need to find a way to resolve. If you can't discuss this reasonably together, then you have a bigger relationship issue than you might think. Because the quality of a relationship lies in how well you handle disagreement. So I suggest you don't throw around accusations of ' ridiculous' at each other.

Exactly, that’s how I feel! It seems like such a flimsy reason to change her name now, especially since he doesn’t actually dislike the name itself – just the idea that it might be “too popular.” But as you said, it’s really not an issue. Having two or even three Amelias in a class is totally normal – back in the day, it was common to have a few people with the same name, and it never seemed like a problem.

It’s reassuring to hear that your DS had kids with the same first and second names – it just goes to show that it’s not as big of an issue as DH might think. I’m really hoping he’ll realise that, and we can all just move on without changing her name. Thanks for your perspective – it really helps!

Potential nicknames for Amelia

Amy
Milly
Tilly
Lia
Mia
Mel

although if he doesn’t like popular names Mia is popular now. Perhaps Amy too, not sure

Where?

Amelia is extremely popular compared to Ottilie.

I’ve been where your husband is and DS1 name is a compromise because it was extremely hard to find a name we agreed on for him. Still regret doing so and still annoyed that I didn’t stick to my guns with the name I wanted for him which was a variation and shortened version of the name he has where DH wanted the nickname version so we can only call him by his actual name. Even more annoying that my dad called him by the nickname for a the first few years so DH still got what he wanted. You just live with it and accept it, however if I had to do it again, I’d probably go back and change it if it had been only six weeks.

I don't know why you are worrying about "making him feel more included". He had every chance to suggest names, and Amelia was the one he said he liked. At this point, his sudden interest in baby names is not important - what's important is your daughter as a sentient being in her own right, who has a name. Don't pander to this sort of behaviour. You make him sound like a toddler who's jealous of a new baby on the way, "feel more included"!

Tell him, too late, suck it up, you have a voice too, use it and tell him no

I have an Amelia - no one in nursery or primary year with same name.

Maybe in secondary but with 300 in a year lots of duplicates would be possible.

I would say you don't know what's going to be popular in 5 years, you can't keep changing her name.

You're not being stubborn, you are considering it. But you have a different opinion. It sounds like he struggles a lot with not getting his own way.

I know someone who had a name change. You always need that extra paperwork etc.. I'd only change names in very difficult circumstances . What if when she's older she wishes she had her old name?