To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

[bannsise]

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

Sure, but she is Italian which is hardly a utopia immune from political issues, wealth divide, infrastructure issues, political instability, struggling economy and rife with sexism.
I don’t understand how she can be embarrassed to be British and proud to be Italian based purely on politics.

Photographic memory does focus more on text, though the two are commonly used to mean the same thing. In this case, I was referring to the image in my mind of the deleted post. But 🤷‍♀️.

It is also "it's" not "its" in that sentence.
😉 (Just poking pedantic fun, not having a dig!)

Having read through the updates you are being very unreasonable. Her name her choice.

If you don't understand why she would be embarrassed to be British but not Italian, you could try asking her and listening with an open mind.

The same goes for why she wants you to pronounce her name the same way everyone else in her life does.

But why does it matter so much to you? It's your daughter's name and identity. Whether you like it or not, she grew up in Italy and that's the place she feels more connected to. Britain isn't her home, it isn't her culture. Her experiences in life aren't through the eyes of a British person.

You trying to force an identity on her that she doesn't want is making her uncomfortable. Why would you insist? How would you feel if she started calling you a name you didn't like?

You can say Eesa without putting on an accent though. You're making problems where there are none.

Really? The politics of this country since 2016 have been awful for Europeans. I have felt a deep sense of shame for how they have been treated by the UK. If I had another nationality to align with, I would do it in a flash.

She went to a French boarding school in what, 2018? Got exposed to a likely multicultural environment in her formative young adult years and can look across the Channel to how this country was behaving at the time. And then the shit show of the last years of the previous government. The UK has been a mess since she would have had political awareness. And she has never lived here to develop any national pride through residence.

I'd be more concerned that it's the hill OP is willing for her relationship with her daughter to die on. Really?

Ahh…well I agree with you completely there as they obviously don’t in a rhotic accent 😁

@bannsise so you can respond to have a dig at Italy and it’s politics but not at the posters calling your child every name under the sun.

I don’t think her name is your problem.

It genuinely doesn’t sound like you like your daughter much OP.

Your DD grew up in European countries and watched the shitshow that was Tory Britain and its Brexit unfold - why are you surprised she doesn't want to be associated with that?

In any case it's irrelevant - you need to look at why you are so resistant to calling her by the name she feels is hers and then give your head a massive wobble. Unless of course you actively want to push her away. She's an adult. Respect her choices.

Do you say
is-a-bell-a or iz-a-bell-a ?
So you say it Is-a, rhymes with Hiss-a or Is-a pronouncing the S as a z?
I have a name where many English people replace the s sound with a z sound, and don't say anything, but it isn't my name

Don't do this OP. My mum is really fussy about names, hates nicknames and makes a big song and dance of calling people by full names that no one ever uses. She just comes off as a controlling weirdo.

18 pages telling you that you are being unreasonable, and this is the post you respond to? Have you taken in any of the other comments?

Do you not get that none of this matters? Your daughter has chosen the name she wants people, including you, to call her. You are refusing. This will not end well for you, trust me.

You do you, OP! It’s very lucky that once you make your bed, you’re the one that gets to lie in it.

I would call her Isa (ee-sa) to her face and in cards/texts/calls etc.

She can't stop you talking about your daughter Isabella to colleagues/friends or thinking of her as Isabella in your own mind.

22 is still young and she may feel more in touch with her British roots as she gets older - especially if she comes to visit you at all. It did jump out at me that her "good dad" wouldn't let you visit here with her so she may not identify much with the UK if she has few memories of being here. Which is a long winded way of asking if you are sure your feelings are about her name and not on some level about how her dad has treated you and her subsequent rejection of part of her heritage?

it seem that the definition of eidetic memory has changed. As a child I was an eidetiker (old definition). I could see images in front of my eyes, sometimes so strongly that they would interfere with seeing the real world....its why I noticed your post. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eidetic_memory#:~:text=%22Eidetikers%22%2C%20as%20those%20who,rather%20than%20in%20the%20mind.

No need to cry with laughter; I wanted to do the poetry class but it was full.

I think that 32 years on one continent and 18 years on another gives me some useful perspectives that most people don't have, but close-minded people don't want to hear about it, so fine. Just scroll on. No need for rudeness.

Ah! Apologies, I thought you were just having a giggle as I wasn't 100% clear in my own definition. My reply was supposed to be tongue in cheek!

I think my DS has some level of this; I kind of do but I always just put it down to having an over active imagination. Definitely don't have it strongly now though, I seemed to lean more into maladaptive daydreaming (which is a whole other level of fascinating weirdness! 😂), and it eased off. Do you still have it now?

no. It vanished when i was under 10. Its part of the reason why it has never been proven or much researched. Mostly it happens with children, often they never mention it to anyone because they assume it to be normal. It fades as they grow up and it may never be recalled unless in adulthood, the person reads about being an eidetiker and they recognise themselves. In my case its just as well that it did fade as my control was imperfect and images came unbidden....which would be dodgy when driving!

That's so interesting! Definitely stronger than DS or I have had it; his is more focused on things like getting visually wrapped up in the colour or texture of something he might read about, or something that's mentioned. So maybe a bit different! Definitely wouldn't fancy it driving down the motorway! Really fascinating how brains work. I had one ex who claimed to have an eidetic memory, but I'm not certain how true that was or if it was just a wee bit of a brag. I don't remember him saying anything like this, so perhaps he was telling porkies (which I wouldn't put past him!!).

No need for rudeness

@ChicLilacSeal

Also funny coming from someone who has been repeatedly rude to the point of deletion. Deflecting much from admitting it was awful to suggest someone is a liar just because they don’t agree with you?

Blah, blah, blah. It doesn't matter. Your daughter has a name - not the one you assigned her - but that's what she wants and that's really the end of it.