To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

[bannsise]

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

Guess it's because conversations go off on different strands, much like IRL.

I can’t imagine refusing to do this.

You: ‘explains’ historical and systemic racism to Black person, says they clearly have no idea what they’re talking about/haven’t lived in X/weren’t in Y long enough. Calls them ‘bitter’. Paragraphs and paragraphs of detailed condescension. You even had one particularly awful comment deleted.

Also you: why are you being so mean to me? 🥹

I totally agree that your italicised words do not make her twattish.

What makes her twattish is insulting her mother's nationality, and by extension, her mother. And you know that that's what I said.

I'm fully aware that you're trying to wind me up by purposely misunderstanding that. I've been around enough children to know when they're trying to press buttons. 🙄

I think your projecting your anger at your ex into your child.
Just go with what she wants to be called and stop making this about you.

This is a fair point. I’m going to stop contributing to the derail. Not much left to be said, anyway.

My apologies, OP.

Eh? I didn't have any comment deleted. If I edited, it was a typo or to be more clear. What awful comment did you read that I deleted? Tell me what it was. If you can't, then you're just smearing me to be awful.

Sorry, but you sounded like someone with very little knowledge of the US.

And I didn't call YOU bitter, I called your attitude towards ME bitter in this thread, which it is.

I'm not going to engage further, because you're just determined to be awful. I told you that I was telling you about my lived experience of many years in both these countries. That's all.

There's no need to be so nasty, there really isn't. You have no idea what someone else is going through.

Sorry to have upset you so much. FWIW, you've really upset me too, so you can call it even.

You did have a comment deleted, back on the last page. And I can see why it was deleted, too.

I won't be debating with you either, a) because I won't derail, and b) because quite honestly I don't have the patience for the kind of argument you've been putting out. @ForZanyAquaViewer has been very calm and measured in her responses, I'd say.

😆

"ee-sa ... sounds pretentious and odd. It doesn't even sound like a real name"

"Eee-sa sounds like she's in her twat era"

"Reading comprehension is a valuable skill"

"Another one who can't read"

"Once again for the people in the cheap seats"

"There are remedial classes for adults who struggle with reading comprehension, you know"

"I've been around enough children to know when they're trying to press buttons"

"I don't know why you're being so horrible to me"!!!

Hmmm. I feel like there's an answer here, but I just can't put my finger on it...

I did? So what was it? News to me!

If you cannot write out what it was, then you are just smearing me.

Write out what that comment was right now, or admit you're lying to make me look bad.

Sorry, do you think I've got an eidetic memory? Go and look back yourself; you'll see where you were deleted. And a screenshot had been provided by a PP of the deleted post.

I think you should back away from this thread and make a cup of tea. You're being extremely aggressive.

I didn't have that deleted, MN did, and this is the first I've seen of it. I don't even know what it was they deleted. I wish they would email telling us what it was they deleted. You made it sound as if I wrote something awful and then had it deleted, which I didn't.

I strongly disagree that Zany has been the more measured one out of the two of us. I also think it's wrong that white people aren't allowed to comment on the racism they see around them and how their observations differ between two very different countries without such nastiness. But anyway, I sense a pile-on, so I'm off!🏃‍♂️‍➡️

I think she's being awkward but you have to go along with her!
I have friends in Europe and they use the English pronunciation and sometimes even English version of their name when speaking with English speakers eg Johann (German) becomes John.

Apart from this, do you normally get along?

Ahhh. So we're the only ones supposed to have eidetic memories then. That was some twisting and turning of what it means to have a reply deleted. 😉

Anyway, last I'm saying on the subject.

Yeah, if MN deleted a message, it's either been complained about, or in their opinion without prompting, they found it egregious enough to make deleting a good idea. So, in your parlance, MN thinks you wrote something awful, and deleted it.

I think white people should perhaps have a bit of humility about thinking their observations and what their 'besties' tell them about their experiences of racism are, when they are talking about racism to a person of colour who is telling them what their own lived experience has been. I think that Zany has been fairly patient in the face of quite some provocation.

Zany said that I wrote something awful and then had it deleted. I did not. I would be perfectly happy for whatever reply MN deleted to be reinstated, because I've been careful about what I've written.

Oh! You did mean that Mumsnet deleted it. I read it that I "had" it deleted, as in that I requested the deletion.

LOL, on my facebook feed just had this pop up, 'dicktum - a person who acts like a dick and then acts like a victim about it'. . .

"It's her name"
"It's her identity"
"She'll hate you for it!"
"You might not be in her life anymore"

Sounds like children in the playground.

People aren't very chilled are they?

If it's such a massive deal it's sounds like there's more to it than this.

If she's 22, an adult as pp say surely you can have a more productive conversation about it?

I like that one. Might add it to the ongoing list of hilarious slang I've got running in my head. 😆

She hasn't; she was far nastier than I was. I was just telling her what I found in the two countries and that they were very different. 🤷‍♂️I thought we could have a dialogue about it, but no.

This. Don't be a fool OP. Your child prefers the Italian pronunciation and I think you are digging your heels in because of resentment over her upbringing abroad.

Whatever your reasoning it's rude and unnecessary to insist on using a pronunciation other than the one she prefers.

Is it really worth damaging your entire relationship over?

Giddy, you said you can see why it was deleted. Can you please tell me what it was? I'm so curious to know which one, and I can't remember, as I've written quite a few replies.

How very mature, calling someone names because they shared their lived experience. I have lived in the UK for 32 years and the US for 18 years, which I think gives me my own unique perspective and I thought Zany might be interested in what I've observed. My mistake.

Have a nice day.

Just call her "darling".