The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

[crazymomma93]

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

English teacher or tutor? There is a difference.

It's a young adult book. It is just words but if she is uncomfortable reading it then she should change it - and she has. It's hardly an issue.

I specifically didn’t ask for the quote. I asked for the name of the book.

Yes, I don't think the OP has done herself any favours with her explanation of the situation!

I suspect there is some missing context to "it's just words" and I expect the teacher was just trying to reassure her. I wonder if cultural issues could be at play too (Americanised spellings and terms) if the OP had a different educational experience in a different country. What seems normal to us could seem absolutely bonkers to someone who didn't attend a UK high school!

I haven't read the book in question, but when I googled it the central character is 16 years old and the first UK review site said it was aimed at teens 13+ Of course 'aimed at' does not mean 'unsuitable for children under'.

"follow the sentiments of the first couple of comments" or just "agree with".

I'm certainly not just following the first posts like some kind of sheep.

Couldn’t agree more. OP you are that mum! Who emails the form teacher to ask about a book. She’s in secondary so can speak to the form teacher herself.

Ans you decided the book wasn’t appropriate without any formal educational training and emailed the teacher.

Then you got the answer from the teacher second hand and threw a fit. Your response and attitude are entitled and the word Karen springs to mind.

But grew up to be Sci fi, horror and dystopia reading addicts who trust no one.

Why are people always so vague with threads like this? Why not name the book from the off, tell us what in particular made DD so uncomfortable, and include some quotes?

Whether or not something is suitable for children is such a subjective question. Unless you want the stock "if it made my child uncomfortable it should be removed immediately!" response, you have to provide more information. "Uncomfortable" can mean anything. It could be something they need to work through as part of gaining maturity or an understanding of the world. Or it could be something the child is genuinely too young to be exposed to. Without context it's impossible for us to know.

There is a big difference between a 12 and a 14 year old, in terms of maturity. That said, "recommended reading ages" are being increasingly dumbed down. I often see books I would have read comfortably at seven, being recommended as for 10 or 11 year olds. I think there is more of a tendency to coddle children these days, and put unnecessary limits on them. When you couple that with a younger generation that likes to coddle itself with trigger warnings and will often drop anything that challenges them . . . I worry we're not giving kids the space they need to grow and develop. Being challenged is a big part of that.

That said, there is a real issue of publishers gearing inappropriate content younger and younger in YA fiction, in particular. It comes about because more adults are reading the genre and they want to appeal to that audience. And have lost their way in doing so. It's more of an issue in romance and fantasy books aimed at teenagers though, as far as I know.

we were shown documentaries with footage of the camp being liberated

We were too. I also went to school at a time when ,any of our classmates grandfathers had fought in the war, some of whom were POWs. We also had friends whose grandparents were Jews in Germany and who had managed to escape, others whose families had died in the gas chambers.

For us the war and the holocaust were recent history and still close enough to talk to people who were there.

I can't remember a time when I didn't know about the holocaust. It was never debated whether it happened, it was accepted as a part of our lives which demonstrated the true horror of fascist regimes. We were all horrified and none of us wanted to live in a world that can do that to a group of people.

As young people we needed to be disturbed by this. We needed to know that we can never let it happen again.

Now, seeing trump back in the USA. Seeing the rise of Marine le Pen. Seeing what's happening in Europe and beyond, I do wonder if young people today really do need to understand better the horrors of those times before it's too late and they sleepwalk into allowing the far right to rise again.

"It's just words...just like sticks and stones will break my bones but names can never hurt me. Only they do, don't they?"

Yes, if you're being bullied or insulted, that hurts.
Words in a book? I'm not so sure. They may bring up some emotions, but then there might be an underlying problem mightn't there?

I meant the words can play on your mind and emotions. Like the pp book description that got removed; that will be in my head for weeks bothering me 😕

Yeah me too. I'm a bit shocked someone thought that was an appropriate thing to say, when threads about fucking big spiders have a TW.

Thank you. It's worth having a nightmare over.

The wrongly accused character Tom, is shot dead in the end.

Aside from that though, there are a lot of racial slurs and rape references, which some people might find hard to read.

Has nobody ever told a child who was scared by a movie or tv programme that it’s just pictures and images in a tv? Unless there’s a backstory, I assume that the form tutor was trying to minimise the power of the words to reassure your dd. Words can be powerful but unless you know otherwise, it was probably a clumsy attempt to calm her down.

You are totally “that mum” getting so angry about a book that is free reading. If your dd isn’t confident enough to say that she wasn’t keen, then I would have sent a note saying so. 🤷‍♀️

I think that there’s themes that people may not want to read about because of what may have happened in their life. For example a child who has a close family with cancer, may understandably want to avoid a book with death or terminal illness as a theme.

There's no explicit description of rape.
I don't see why racial slurs are a problem in a book that is anti-racist (except in the case of the autistic girl being afraid of being seen reading it).

You sound like an absolute dick - as if teachers don't have enough to do without dealing with parents whose kids feel uncomfortable with things they read in school - maybe it was an opportunity to discuss those things with your daughter. As it was, she was told she didn't need to read the book. Imagine them trying to find something if every parent/child was like you. You sound very much like you are that parent.

I observed that when my daughter was 8, the fucking brainless ta was giving her books about slang, gangs of boys going around, breaking windows, making dirty to each other, all this disguised as cool. I bore only two of these shitty books and went and personally opened the book to the headmistress and said: WHAT IS THIS?!

English teacher is probably trying to help your kid process what they’ve read that has made them feel uncomfortable. You need to sit down and shut up.

There's also a child in it where its heavily implied has been sexually abused by a family member. A rape trial. A murder. Attempted lynching. Probably more but I forget!

I mean, that is a terrible book that the Holocaust Trust warns against because it perpetuates extremely dangerous myths about the Holocaust.

For starters, there were no children living in the death camps, because they were gassed on arrival. So little Bruno would never have met little Shmuel.

LET'S AGREE TO DISAGREE MRS .

And what was her response @coffeeAndasandwich ?

I saw the first page of responses and the burning question of ‘what book’. As if that was the significant fact. It’s not.

It was the tutor’s response to your DD, in effect gaslighting her. Bordering on ridiculing her reaction. I’d have the same response as you. Her response is trying to shame your DD and shame is the very antithesis of effective teaching. There’s nothing so damaging to the delicate process of learning as shame yet so many teachers fall back on it as a tool to control students.

Btw, loved your initial response to see if she agrees those were ‘just words’.

Which books are these?

Indeed. It's startling just how many posters haven't grasped the point in the slightest.