The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

[crazymomma93]

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

She’s not going to get a choice when studying set texts….

This has reminded me, I was once in the local library and a women came in, trailed by her very embarrassed teenage son, shouting because the librarian had recommended The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas.

I think I looked at her like she was mental; who doesn't want their children informed about history?

This. What is the book??????? Without that info, I am going to deem you “that mother”.

You sound deranged. Chill a bit and don't email teachers swearing.

Perhaps they meant "it's just words" as in don't let it get to you, it's not real.

I'm here for the book reveal too 🍿

Books that are studied in school will sometimes be challenging and thought provoking. As children get older they are expected to discuss and read about more sensitive subjects. Pointing out that your dd is not having to experience the situation herself and that the words themselves are not harmful is perhaps an attempt to help your dd deal with this. Jumping in to remove things that challenge us not always the best idea. Sometimes more discussion and reflection is better. E.g yes that is quite a difficult paragraph. That situation was awful for the character. We empathise or sympathise with her or the author has used an emotive word so we feel like this'. This might be more useful for your dd than simply saying let's get rid of the book! What is the book?

What's the book op?

Ugh. ‘Fuming’. Stop fuming and calm down.

I get the sense this is yet another thread where the majority of posters follow the sentiments of the first couple of comments.

I'm an English teacher myself and agree that "it's just words" - if that's what she actually said - is dismissively flippant and, yes, brainless.

You really don't come across as "that mum".

YANBU

I also need to know the book.

Thanks for following up on something like this. I was older than her, maybe 14-15, when I had massive problems with the content of one of our English texts. I needed a huge amount of support to complete homework on it, and my mother's involvement liaising with the teacher about the difficulties was really important. The teacher would not have been in a position to really understand without information about my primary school experiences.

I do think at 12 it is reasonable to say, if a child is uncomfortable with the content of a book they don't need to be forced to read it. By 16+, yes it might be reasonable to expect them to read difficult stuff and discuss why it is difficult (though personally I think some types of content should not be thrown at teenagers in exam years, for the sake of their mental health!). In between there is a learning curve where you gradually extend students and take them out of their comfort zone.

Also OP, I get your point about calling her a cunt.

People ranting about you being deranged and overreacting are being a bit thick imho.

But whatever your opinion you do not refer to her English Tutor as a 'cunt'.

See my previous point.

Agreed. And yet, here I am with that very mental image.

So thanks for that.

There are so many....she's going to have her work cut out finding a book that won't make her feel "uncomfortable"...🙄

My bet is Lord of the Flies....

I’m pretty sure that was to illustrate that ‘just words’ can shock.

The “just words” comment from an English teacher, of all people, would irritate me.

However - books taught as part of the curriculum are often intended to be challenging, that is the point.

What is the book?

I’m confused by your daughter being told she can read another book. Are they not studying it as a class? Is it just a private reading thing?

Books should challenge you, which can make you feel uncomfortable. This isn’t necessarily bad - but it does depend how far out and why. No one would give a book with sexual assault in it to a 9 year old. But you might well have a book with some threat, violence, harming eg of women in a book for a younger teen, depending on how it’s portrayed, if anyone is helping them understand what’s going on, etc.

Edit - and the just words quote. Really going to depend on the bigger context of what else was being said. And absolutely not to calling the tutor a cunt.

“It’s just words” is an absolutely ridiculous justification. You get deletions on MN for certain things - but they could all be under the umbrella of “just words”. How about if your dd started peppering her sentences with swear words in this class and then, when told not to, replied: “it’s just words”.

that said I don’t think I would have got into it with the school on this. A 12yo is old enough to know most things. It’s hard to comment further without knowing which book your post refers to.

And we wonder why we can’t get teachers in our schools.

Judging by your own level of grammar and spelling, you really should persuade your DD to carry on with her English classes. 😳

Your random capitalisation (among other things) makes me think you could probably benefit from the attentions of your daughter's English teacher.

Mind how you go.

I'm another wondering if there was more to this story.

Was the response part of a much longer reply, for instance?