The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

[crazymomma93]

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

You're not being unreasonable OP. Going by the thread some people seem to think young people should be forced to read anything because A. It's just words so they shouldn't feel anything. Or B. They'll feel uncomfortable emotions and come out the end of it resilient improved humans.
They are only in school a short period of time, and there are some many amazing books they could be exposed to I think it's ok to question what they are given. Critical thinking is a good skill to learn too

Getting Anne from Motherland vibes here. She didn’t go canoeing with her son Darius because he was a bit uncomfortable with the phrase “Eskimo roll”.

I think being an English teacher now must be a nightmare. From 12 onwards we read books aimed at adults because there was no YA. The books the teachers chose for us in school often scared, enlightened and upset me but I learned so much from them. Nowadays kids are allowed to view all kinds of awful stuff online but parents are making a daft fuss about books. World's gone nuts.

I loved Stephen King aged 12. I'd read the sex scenes over and over. 🤷

I am going to post in support of you, OP, because I started a thread recently about a problem with a teacher and I was mown down by offensive and unnecessary posts. It seems the many of the less helpful posters on MN are VERY vocal when it comes to this sort of thing!

It also drives me insane that people think that "just words" can't touch a child, can't be damaging, can't linger on their minds just as a violent film can. Books are read alone, and the subject matter is taken right into the imagination - so it is like watching an age inappropriate film, whether extreme violence or explicit sex or anything else, on your own, without anyone realising it has happened. Of course it is going to be damaging and of course it isn't "just words".

The world is full of amazing literature, enduring classics, beautiful prose - why give a child a halfbaked book aimed at older children?

The book itself has had a lot of negative reviews - one review says (am I allowed to quote this? I thought it was well put):

"Our main character is [...] breathtakingly beautiful. There's nothing wrong with that, but the disturbing side effect of the world [ ] is that every man on the planet is uncontrollably lusting after her, and this hints at a constant underlying threat of sexual violence. Honestly, the majority of the male characters just about go insane with lust when they even see a glimpse of a woman, be it real or a hologram. The men in Eve's universe are driven by their hormones, and only their good, virtuous nature stops them from taking advantage of her. This suggests that if any were actually to assault Eve, it wouldn't really be their fault because they are simply acting out their biological urges. That is such a creepy message to let go under the radar in a [ ] book that I was really taken aback by it. Even though Eve's romantic interest [ ] is all around sweet and respectful towards her, he treats the other men's lecherous behaviour either as a joke or as a minor annoyance and never speaks out to challenge their views.

Another thing that irritated me about Bram was how obsessed he is with physical strength and how he looks down on anyone less fit than him. He constantly jokes at the expense of an overweight man he meets later in the story and also makes some condescending remarks about his best friend. I would be fine with this if it was treated as a character flaw, but the way it is written invites the reader to laugh at these characters with him. I didn't join in because I don't find "haha, he's so fat!!!" to be particularly witty or funny."

I can't believe an English tutor would say "it is just words". The world has gone mad, we all know that.

I can't believe that posters think that the OP might have been homophobic or something. It implies that however adult a book is, if it has LGBT+ subject matter all children must read it and no parent are allowed to say "but it is not age appropriate" even if it most certainly is about and aimed at older teens. Crazy agenda aimed at creating mental health problems maybe.

I don't think YA should be aimed at 12 year olds. A 12 year old is not a young adult, far from it. An 18 year old is a young adult. 12 - 18 is older child. I wish the government would get input from professionals with expertise around child development to decide on age ratings.

The thing I am most shocked about here is that a book by Giovanna and Tom Fletcher is being read at school!

Given the OP's 2nd post, it looks like her DD is uncomfortable with it because of the passages with some sexual references, not because she's offended by the vocabulary.
The book blurb essentially says it is a "love story" about the last girl on Earth and the quest of who she should breed with to ensure humanity's survival.
The OP's daughter is 12. If she's still uncomfortable with that stuff at her age, I think the teachers should be sympathetic to that, really.

We have expressed concerns of the language and content of shone of the novels the examination board wants
GCSE students to read. They just dismissed us, saying here were 40 odd other books to choose from. Though the list of texts are dire!

It’s actually really important for children’s development for them to read books with dark/challenging themes.

For most children, their first experiences of death, of sadness, of injustice, of romantic love etc - big, grown up emotions - will come to them through the relative safe space of the pages of a book. Whether that’s Goodnight, Mog as a toddler or Harry Potter’s parents in the Philosopher’s Stone.

Letting children learn about those things through the filter of books is a brilliant way to prepare them for what is to come to them in life in a way they are able to emotionally and intellectually process.

And yes, sometimes books SHOULD make us feel uncomfortable - challenge our prejudices, or warn us of what could be if we don’t do better.

By effectively enacting censorship on your DD you are doing her a disservice. Have you read the book? I’m assuming from your disproportionate reaction that you have not. An intelligent way to tackle it would be to read the book yourself and have a conversation with your DD about what the aspects were that made her feel uneasy and why that might be. Not to fly off the handle and call the teacher a cunt.

My niece had an issue with secondary school physics, her mum (my sister) spoke to the teacher who had been in the job since I went to the same school 15years earlier. He totally fobbed her off and said “physics doesn’t matter anyway” He had no passion, didn’t really care about the kids interest in physics etc. My sister escalated it to the head teacher- the physics teacher was completely non-nurturing (for lack of better term) and had basically stopped caring about the topic he was teaching! He was pushed out/jumped later that year.
In spite of him- my niece ended up with a 1st class degree in ‘physics with medical applications’ and is now studying her masters- it’s all a bit complicated for me but she is studying how to deliver specific and targeted radiotherapy etc etc 🤷🏻‍♀️! She is only 22 and has had many amazing teachers since this idiot who have really encouraged her and made a big impact!
Sounds like your daughters teacher may have lost her passion for literature!!! And isn’t really putting in much effort with that response! She could have said “ok stop reading but can you write a report about the feelings it evoked/why you’ve felt this way” to turn it into a more positive learning experience 🤷🏻‍♀️

When were you born? Between 12 - 18 we read either classics like Austen, Dickens, Zola, etc etc, or books aimed at... OC - older children - 12 - 18 year olds. You can still even buy them now. In my day, whole book stores had shelves cram packed with them.

We didn't read scary books or upsetting books. And not all parents allow their dc to watch awful stuff online, amazingly enough.

The world is going to be a divided place in the future maybe - those who were protected from graphic and age inappropriate material as children who have good mental health and those who were not whose mental health will be shot. I am guessing some countries around the world will do better than others in this respect.

@crazymomma93 mumsnetters must have really short memories, because when we were children we all watched TV shows that were above our age rating and no harm was done. I feel embarassed that someone would lose their shit over a 12 year old reading a 14+ book.

I’ve read the book a while ago. It’s not the best book in the world no. I would have thought it was fine for a 12 year old but there could be way better dystopian novels for them to choose from.

I think you’re overreacting op. You emailed the teacher and your child can now choose another book. ‘ they’re just words’ was possibly meant to reassure your daughter. When my son watched a scary film that he then regretted watching I reminded him ‘it’s just actors and a film set’ to remind him it wasn’t real

What do you mean by the book is rated 14+? I've never seen Waterstones staff asking for ID. Books aren't films, they aren't classed officially as only allowed to be read by certain ages.

You might find some information relating to the 'reading' age of the book, but that's more the do with the level of vocabulary etc. someone would need to read it rather than the content. Most schools will want their pupils reading something challenging, so may choose to ignore these.

I live in Sweden and Eve of Man is recommended for 12-15 year olds.

Zola is pretty relentlessly upsetting, no??

It hasn’t been “easy” for @crazymomma93 s daughter and that can be recognised.

What tv shows are you referring to? Just wondering

I read the book. Totally fine for a 12 year old.

I was talking about Emile Zola - do you think his books are relentlessly upsetting? So, for eg, Germinal?

Agree!

We didn't read scary books or upsetting books. And not all parents allow their dc to watch awful stuff online, amazingly enough.

How did your school find books that were neither scary nor upsetting? Or are you perhaps misremembering?

Texts I read / studied at school from infant school to pre-GCSE included:

Charlotte’s Web
Black Beauty
Watership Down
The Silver Sword
Children of the Dust
Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH
To Kill A Mockingbird
An Inspector Calls
Jane Eyre

None of which are exactly smiley, happy texts.

Regardless of the book, though, I’m surprised the teacher allowed OP’s DC to opt out. We wouldn’t have been allowed to opt out of a text taught in class, and didn’t have assigned reading books at that age otherwise - if we didn’t like one we’d got from the school library, we’d just return it; no need for teacher involvement at all.

I didn't realise it until this thread (doh), but there is a theme here, on MN generally, isn't there?

What a nonsense - don’t expect your child to pass GCSE - unless you back off.

I think you've made some really good points here but I also think that there's a limit.

I agree, I would have started with reading the book myself or finding out in more detail about what DD was struggling with in particular and having a conversation.

However, I don't think we should just assume that children should be able to deal with any kind of book, regardless of the theme. We don't all have the same tolerances for everything and some books could be too challenging - especially if it's a trigger point for you personally.

Since I can remember, I have been interested and enjoy reading books that include murder, death, and medical themes. I've been fascinated by them, truth be told. But I really struggle with books that have strong themes of loss, grief and bereavement, and I hate horror/paranormal themes.

I love books and I love reading. I always have. But I have a visceral reaction to what I read. I can remember reading a biography of a man who died from AIDS in the 80s, and I put down the book and quite literally sobbed my heart out.

So I think yes, books are useful to teach our children about the world, about history, and for fiction, to provide insight and to support emotional development. But I don't think that means that every child should have to endure reading something that they find personally really difficult. For example, a child who has been SA might have a very different threshold for someone who hasn't, likewise a child who's lost a parent recently/traumatically, etc.

I just don't really agree with the notion that books are "just words" and that we should all be able to endure every book, even if it is age-appropriate. Some books are just really difficult, for a variety of reasons, and I think it's unhelpful to insist that words are meaningless.

(Might be worth mentioning that I'm autistic/ADHD and I tend to experience really big second-hand emotions so that might explain why I get overwhelmed when reading sometimes!)