The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

[crazymomma93]

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

We don't typically refer to teachers as "form tutors."

We did when I was at school.

I had a form tutor and my children do now, it's where you go for registration then onto class teachers for subjects, your form is your core group.

You have no idea whatsoever why the teacher was in the mindset he was. Why are you calling him an idiot? It’s vile

So did we

You sound completely hysterical, maybe try yoga. Or mediation

I've never heard that phrase used here. I stand corrected. What state was it?

That’s an awful lot of words to say much the same as I did.

As both a parent and as a teacher, I never assume that a child is lying. To quote you, I “question and verify facts by all means and be aware that children give their perception (which is going to be the perception of a tween/teen).” What do you consider to be the difference between ‘their perception’ and a misleading account?

It would be undeniably dangerous to assume that a child is lying. Of course. It’s equally foolish to assume that a child will always give you the full story.

Could that also be that some primary schools have not got children to the stage they need to be going into secondary education?

I know there were books with 'adult' content in our primary. I always remember we had to skip a chapter in one book as a parent didn't want us reading it. For the life of me cannot remember the name, but it was something about the American settlers making their way and something about carpet bags always stayed with me. But no it isn't the Harold Robbins book.

Think back to our childhoods and the subjects covered in Grange Hill, children of a similar age to OP's.

I work in a school in the UK. We have form tutors.
edit. - I realise people were talking about US schools.

Yeah, I've never heard of that in the US, but apparently I was wrong, since other posters have heard of it. Is it just a regular teacher, or is it actually a tutor?

Your daughter knows how to push your buttons.

So, you admit that your child was actually rather economical with the truth and that 'I will admit I have not read it myself'?

Great basis for an argument.

Should you be interested in those statistics, by the way @puzluz, you might like to start with the work of the developmental psychologist Nancy Darling. She has undertaken several robust studies which indicate that up to 98% of teenagers have lied to their parents. It is a normal developmental phase and there is some really interesting work around why children do it - partly to protect their parents, sometimes to avoid an argument.

I don't know how many thousands of teenagers you have direct experience of working with. At a conservative estimate in my career so far it's probably in the region of four thousand for me. I love working with teenagers; I'm very well qualified and I make a choice every year to continue to do the work that I do, and I consider it a privilege to work with young people. Within the context of this work I've supported groups of children through the horrendous trauma of losing one of their peers to suicide. Please don't ever reference child suicide to score a cheap point on the internet again. It is shameful.

Children gain that skill as soon as they come out the womb. Despite being unable to talk, babies can have parents feed, change, soothe etc or if in a mood can have a parent running in circles. They just get more adept at is as the get older. 😁

Ah sorry. Think I misread this and thought people were saying it wasn't a UK phrase. I grew up in Northern England.

We got hold of My Secret Garden aged 12 and read it aloud to each other. Your daughter needs to get a bit more worldly

No, Farenheit 451 is a great classic. It is about a future dystopian world where the authorities identify the cause of people's unhappiness and dissatisfaction as originating from ideas and example lives and experiences as might be described and found in books. The easiest way to make people happy is to remove the content that makes them unhappy, dissatisfied and sad. All books are banned, the fire brigade's purpose is to root out hidden books (usually through a tip-off) and burn them. It is an offence to have books. Rather than lose a favourite book, a group of people have committed particular novels to memory, they become the book, handing it down verbally to people before they die so the book can be carried on. In time, a more tolerant world will prevail and they will be called up to commit the books they hold in their memory once again to paper. Fahrenheit 451 is the temperature at which paper burns, it is also the cap badge on the fireman's helmet.

Grange Hill is a great example but very child friendly, Phil Redmond is a genius. But imagine if you'd been watching, the messages about drug use and bullying are going in, but then Bullet Baxter and Mrs McClusky are having a picnic and apropos of nothing he says "I ought to rape you" (to give my previous example in that context).
And ours was a fantastic primary with a great library, it's the shock value of that sudden step up to seemingly utterly unfiltered stuff, at 11, that I'm not sure about (to say the least).

Concepts is what I meant. It depends on the maturity of the reader, obv. Some twelve year olds might understand, some might not.

Except we don't know the context or the tone of those three words. I would assume that they were part of a longer conversation, and while they could be seen as flippant, they could also have been said as part of an empathetic effort on the part of the tutor to help the DD manage her discomfort going forward.

ETA that dammit, I somehow managed to miss all the other pages. And yes, it turns out that the kid lied and OP hasn't even read beyond the blurb of the book.

Who'd be a secondary school teacher...

Speaking as an Ex English Teacher... I would not expect, or indeed allow, my class or tutor group to read a book with a recommended age two years higher than their actual age. I suspect this has been chosen by one person in the Department for each year group without really thinking it through. My tutor group often got wholly inappropriate book suggestions from my colleagues.

In this instance, I don't think you are "that Mom". You need to speak to the Head/Principal about this as the Head of Department clearly hasn't. Schools usually have strict safeguarding rules around age appropriateness and this applies to literature as well as visual media or music.

I wouldn't expect a 12 year old to be reading Clarissa or Tom Jones either and those are classis literature (first one has a girl pinned down and raped in it, the second he's a serial philanderer if anyone asks 😂). This isn't about censorship anymore than giving a movie an 18 rating.

C U next Tuesday should do it.

I haven't read the book in question, but certainly going by the synopsis I don't think the subject matter is particularly heavy going. Comparing it to soaps like Hollyoaks or Eastenders going out early evening, it is probably a bit tame.

It appears to touch on sex, love, controlling guardians. All the things that young people of that age are normally beginning to experience, whether we like it or not.

That book is a rip off of a film and another book. Even the concept is terrible and inappropriate for children under at least 16!

maybe age recommendations should be brought back.

I find it incredibly tone deaf of an English teacher to choose this book. Not just for the content but for the commercialisation of plagiarism. AI couldn’t have done worse in this case. 🙄

why not Anne franks diary? Hell, even the Star Wars books have existential and philosophical questions and far more suitable for that age range.