The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

[crazymomma93]

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

as an ex teacher, in form we have kids complaining all the bloody time! this book i dont like, this book is gay , this book my family doesnt agree as it talks about homosexuality ... and on and on and on.... the same 12 y o go in with make and skirt up their a.... not that form they pay so much attention to what they read anyway.... how about tiktok or insta? is she allowed? as i see far more disturbing things in there than books.... anyway WHAT IS THE BOOK??😅

Books can absolutely be too extreme - I once read a book where a babysitter was tortured, raped and murdered by the kids she was babysitting and I ended up tearing it into little pieces and still feel sick thinking about it 25 years later. So I get that nobody should have to read stuff that makes them feel queasy.

but your over reaction is silly. She made a breezy passing comment that was maybe a bit tactless but nothing worth a moments thought. Pick your battles.

Well, I clearly KNOW that.
I am stating a fact.
It is vile.

Steady on. After twenty years of teaching I can tell you that pretty much every child takes home ‘alternative facts’ from time to time, whether through outright fibs or by leaving out the crucial details which don’t happen to paint them in the best light.

Would be quite a major escalation to call one of your daughter’s teachers a c*nt. I think you know that.

I also said "nearly" every boy and from 13 upwards.

Don’t take the attitudes of posters on here to heart Op. Some people just like to have a rant or a fight. Many just don’t really keep an open mind and remember they actually know absolutely nothing about the Op and only a tiny snap shot of what’s happened, from their post. They can get the wrong end of the stick very very easily. Sorry you had such a shitty time after your first post ever.

Of course books are not ‘just words’, any more than pornography is ‘just pictures’.

What book is it? I'd think a twelve year old capable of reading and understanding something graded for 14 year olds because these 'gradings' are subjective and quite wide. What made you DD uncomfortable? And it is just 'words, words, words,' (An English teacher didn't say that.)

It is not about being capable of reading. It is about age appropriate concepts.

I think 14 vs 12 is not a big gap, though social understanding of 12 year olds vary and many would not cope with older concepts. But OP is DNBU that dismissing books with what could be very disturbing content as ‘just words’ is wrong.

Had a look at Eve of Man. Probably not suitable for a 12 year old, since it posits arranged sex with unknown men and then a love story. It's sci fi, which can be challenging with its ideas. If she chose it she does not have to finish it. Was it from the school library? In which case perhaps someone needs to be checking what students are taking out?
But no need to fly into a wobbly, at least she did not pick up de Sade's Justine. Then you would have problems and I read that (and The Story of O) at 15 or so...shoved into the adult library by an unhelpful librarian at 13, though I think I found them in second hand bookshops.

I know and it was concepts, not words, I was thinking about (the 'words,words, words' bit was Hamlet and I was being somewhat facetious, perhaps). But a mature 12 year old would be ok with most books aimed at 14 year olds (but not this one, I think, since it's a take off of The Handmaid's Tale), but an immature 15 year old might not be. Which was my actual point. And when I wrote this the OP had not said what the book was - which made her request for views a bit pointless. How do we know what her school library contains, we are not omniscient.

My son is mixed raced, his brother has Autism. He had to read of mice and men. It made him uncomfortable but also give him the chance to express himself in class as to why it made him feel how it did. It is just words....

This is exactly what we're dealing with every single day from parents. The time spent dealing with every single complaint is taking education time away from your children. Is this what you want?
What other solution could they have offered? She doesn't have to read it. Job done. Move on.

I would hope that any head teacher who has a parent calling a member of her staff a c**t would tell that parent that she wasn’t welcome anywhere near the school until she attended anger management, and gave an apology. It’s a vile word to be thrown around about something like this.

I agree with this.

trilogy fletcher 2 more to go

You sound like an absolute arse! Poor teachers!

"I have deep chats with DD about appropriate clothing choices, make up and how to present yourself. About how some SA victims can be victim blamed and how there is a culture of its just men."

So you have already taught her that it's her responsibility to stop men from SAing her so that she can victim blame herself if anything bad happens. How thoughtful of you.

As the child has been allowed to choose a different book, the problem is solved? unless you think the book is too sexually explicit or violent for that age group , in which case you could politely point that out?

OP you don't sound like an absolute arse, and nor does the teacher, glad you've got to an understanding.

I thought you were going to say Mr Grey or whatever it's called . Your child is being over sensitive if it's a class book then of course it's appropriate. My child reads adult books because she likes better language some have some adult bits in it but she's 13 she knows the birds and the bees for goodness sake. She also watches the odd horror film she's not a baby she's a sensible kid way more than I was at her age. Im just pleased she enjoys reading still as most of her friends don't.