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AIBU?

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Original poster

The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

634 replies

crazymomma93 · 20/01/2025 19:22

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

OP posts:
OldScribbler · 21/01/2025 17:52

crazymomma93 · 20/01/2025 19:22

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

Having spent 70 years making a good living from words I have a great love of them, but I don't think this particular selection merits so much emotion

Sausagehead · 21/01/2025 17:54

We supply our children with their own books. School supplied books stay in their bags and the diary is ticked. School don't have a clue and quite frankly couldn't give a sh*t. It's probably best to lower your expectations.

Toptops · 21/01/2025 17:56

You are overreacting

Changedforadvice · 21/01/2025 17:59

crazymomma93 · 21/01/2025 15:41

Hi so I have not had chance to catch up with all posts, this thread blew up like I did not expect. No my grammar is not A but it gets me by in life. No I do not breath down my childrens teachers necks either. The comment shocked me, if it was said how my DD had retold to me I would stand by it. I would never dream of calling the teacher a c**. I am not that person, but it was an expression of feeling in relation of "it's just words".
The book is chosen by the english dept for the whole year take, to read during tutor time, to discuss it as a class and open up class disscussions about it. The school is far more than I am used to, they have written work for PE and ICT. I know that wasn't the case when I was in YR7.
Anyway after I grounded myself, annon post I will never do again, I spoke with my DD. Turns out she has indeed changed the narrative of what the teacher had said to fit her own version, so in turn I was being a dick because I didn't know the full story (thanks DD). Also there are a few children, girls might I add, who have also been pulled (by parents) from reading the book.
I will admit I have not read it myself but from the blurb, reviews and a few snippets of the story I myself am uncomfortable with it.
I have deep chats with DD about appropriate clothing choices, make up and how to present yourself. About how some SA victims can be victim blamed and how there is a culture of its just men. So a book about basically lust, making her uneasy, I do not think at 12 years old she should have to read.
In the way in which the matter was first brought to me, I stand by being gobsmacked. How dare a teacher minimise the feelings of a child. But as I said the conversation was more indepth than that. I tried to delete the thread but the years Ive been on here, I actually don't know how it works. Thank you to those who understood what I was trying to say.

I'm not sure, from what you've said here, that the feelings of a child have been minimised. If the book has been assessed by the English department and deemed suitable for the year group, I'm wondering how unsuitable the content can be? I mean, Shakespeare can't be far off for them and he just about covers it all. Because that, after all, is the purpose of literature; to shine a light on the human condition, in all it's ignomy and glory.

The idea, which I think is an honorable one, it to allow children to read, think and discuss their feelings around the subject matter of the text and indeed of what it means to be human. If the text makes your daughter feel uncomfortable, would it not be better for her to be equipped with the tools to say how and why, in the secure and safe environment of the classroom, with guidance of trained adults?

I sympathise with you, as parents none of us wants to expose our children to that which might be harmful. In this instance I think the school are providing your child with the skills to explore, discuss, debate and criticise ideas in a way which will stand her in good stead when she encounters ideas that make her feel uncomfortable in future.

BooneyBeautiful · 21/01/2025 18:00

Hercisback1 · 20/01/2025 19:35

You sound deranged. Chill a bit and don't email teachers swearing.

Perhaps they meant "it's just words" as in don't let it get to you, it's not real.

That's what I was thinking. Maybe it was meant in a reassuring way, so that the OP's DD didn't get too upset about the 'words'.

Snapandfart24 · 21/01/2025 18:03

Was - hand on heart - muttering about you clearly being a twat with no experience of teaching etc. and then read what you have posted. I read your posts (and only yours) in order.

Assuming I've not missed something, I know my fellow MN peers will fill me in very quickly if I'm wrong.

So. Absolutely be offended that she said it's, vjust words'. That alone would be sackable (let's go straight to hanging, why not!) in my world, although sadly that's besides the point.

The text is dubiously given for Y7 but that isn't age 14 as per rating (hence dubious). Who rated it so?
Call out the school and the exam board rather than the teacher for the material. Absolutely call out the English teacher for saying literature is just words.

I don't care what level you teach or what your background is. If - IF; and only if - you are in the role of Secondary School English Teacher in England today, or any day, and you refer to the works you are teaching the next generation as, "just words", then you're clearly a right cock-wombling wank puffin and the careers advisor fucked you right over. Probably because you're a c* and they spotted it early.

Please let me know if I got that wrong! I'm alarmed (and slightly disillusioned) by that majority vote.

RedRoss86 · 21/01/2025 18:03

I was with you... until you lost your mind.

Dominoeffecter · 21/01/2025 18:05

Bit ott 😛

Tristan5 · 21/01/2025 18:05

Just a couple of things…..

She’s an English teacher, not a tutor.

And why didn’t you contact her directly?

I think the whole thing, including your daughter’s reaction to a book, is completely over the top, bordering on ridiculous.

And I see nothing wrong with the ‘only words’ comment - the teacher was merely trying to get your daughter to see some perspective, can you not see that?

Your proposed mail to the teacher says all we need to know about the kind of parent you are, the very kind that is driving teachers out of the profession in their droves.

Deeperthantheocean · 21/01/2025 18:05

Do you usually overreact like this and want to be offensive to someone without even knowing the full conversation? 🤔 It's a book, can't be that bad surely if from a school library?

Deeperthantheocean · 21/01/2025 18:06

LambriniBobInIsleworthISeesYa · 20/01/2025 19:47

As an English teacher, I can guarantee that you're being discussed in the staff room as "that mum".

And they are just words, I don't understand how you've taken such offence to this statement of fact.

Chill out mate, it's not that deep.

Agree, imagine a serious issue...

Missingpop · 21/01/2025 18:07

The mere fact that you say your “not that mum” immediately says you darn well are & that you need calming down doubley confirms it; but to say about emailing the tutor to call her the c-bomb well without going any further on your feed it tells me your that mum who’s first to whinge & whine about every little thing; that nothing is good enough for your little princess & that your prone to over dramatic outbursts & over reactions.

pinkwaffles · 21/01/2025 18:08

It is pretty shocking to be told "It's just words" by an English teacher, if that's what happened, but it's now unclear what actually happened. Did she say that or not?

Either way, I haven't looked up the book, but from your description it doesn't seem the most appropriate for 12 year olds.

UmberExpert · 21/01/2025 18:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BooneyBeautiful · 21/01/2025 18:15

Gwenhwyfar · 20/01/2025 20:16

I agree with you, but we were shown documentaries with footage of the camp being liberated. This had to be done at age 13 because History became optional after that. A friend of mine got nightmares and her parents complained to the school. I think that was stupid. It's supposed to give us nightmares so that it doesn't happen again.

Show quote history

Same here. The photos we were shown were pretty graphic! My DM served in the ATS during WWII, and they were shown very graphic footage of the Russians liberating Auschwitz. Those images stayed with her forever.

BlackStrayCat · 21/01/2025 18:18

Good Luck with the teen years and the online hardcore porn on nearly every boys phone next year.

DeadSpace3 · 21/01/2025 18:21

User name checks out.

The fact that DD is 12yo & the book she is reading is rated at 14+ is irrelevant. In fact if anything, it's a compliment. If a book is chosen by a teacher there is almost always a reason why.p

Source: former teacher.

mikado1 · 21/01/2025 18:23

NewFriendlyLadybird · 21/01/2025 17:48

I make no comment about your son, but about a worldview that separates books for children and young adults into ‘appropriate’ and ‘not appropriate’.

They’re not all good, in the sense of literary merit. And it’s quite possible that individual teenagers may find some sub genres uninteresting. But books aimed at young readers are really carefully written and edited, with publishers having developed real expertise in what is going to excite and challenge teenagers, and introduce them to new ideas and different perspectives.

Fair enough if a child says ‘not for me’ or ‘not for me yet’, but I don’t think you should pride yourself on encouraging what I think of as a rather closed mindset.

Show quote history

It's the opposite! I bought the book! He himself decided it wasn't for him yet.

Isinglass20 · 21/01/2025 18:25

I remember my childhood friend recommending I read Forever Amber and dog eared the pages with the sexy bits of the story. We were 12 or 13. I was petrified in case my mum found the book. This was the 1950’s.
This thread took me right back. Those were the days 😄

Lavenderblue11 · 21/01/2025 18:25

You are definitely over reacting. How is DD going to get by when she's older without 'Crazymomma' losing her shit on her behalf? Take a step back and let the tutor do his/her job, did any other parents complain about the book?

Lavenderblue11 · 21/01/2025 18:28

Missingpop · 21/01/2025 18:07

The mere fact that you say your “not that mum” immediately says you darn well are & that you need calming down doubley confirms it; but to say about emailing the tutor to call her the c-bomb well without going any further on your feed it tells me your that mum who’s first to whinge & whine about every little thing; that nothing is good enough for your little princess & that your prone to over dramatic outbursts & over reactions.

Yep, every teachers nightmare. It's half the reason why teachers are leaving the profession, they're sick of parents like OP.

SleepyRooster · 21/01/2025 18:31

As if almost any book has the potential to be as damaging as 5 mins on the internet (which I assume you allow)

Bogartme · 21/01/2025 18:32

BlackStrayCat · 21/01/2025 18:18

Good Luck with the teen years and the online hardcore porn on nearly every boys phone next year.

This is...wtf... Is this where we're at, some pp's laughing because they read Judy Blume at 14 and somehow remained okay, but today's 11 year olds are destined to be shown hard core porn at school (and we're talking today's hard core porn, not the 80's) so OP better buckle up. Poor fucking kids. And also, don't drag every boy into your 'ha ha porn on phones in schools' shrug, it's damaging for everyone.

NeedSomeHeadspace · 21/01/2025 18:39

You sound like the kind of mum who facilitates neurotic behaviour. You need to make your daughter more hardy - it can’t be that inappropriate a book and maybe you could read it with her and understand why it makes DD uncomfortable and encourage her to be more at ease with it. (Eye roll)

Baggingarea · 21/01/2025 18:46

Op i think maybe take a step back and try see this as a learning moment for your daughter? Yes the teacher was dismissive of her feelings but that will happen in life and its a good opportunity to tell her about trusting her gut and saying no - even if an adult is saying its fine. Dont email the school though - necessary ag.