Odd girl in daughters class

[Scottishbornandbread43]

Daughter is in primary school and has always had a nice group of friends.
There is a girl in her class that is a bit strange (sorry please don’t think im
being mean). She talks and sings to herself at inappropriate times, she chews everything and leaves bite marks on everything including other people’s property- her conversations are odd - constantly talking about bugs, she asks my daughter every day if she’s had her period yet (daughter is 10). There is a list of strange things this girl does.

My daughter felt sorry for her as no one played with her but now my daughter has found her other friends now don’t want to play with her.

My daughter spoke to me over the weekend and said she doesn’t want to be friends with this girl anymore but says she follows her around saying ‘she worships her’ (which I think is bizarre)and doesn’t want to be told off for telling her to leave her alone.

I feel sorry for this girl as did my daughter but I don’t think my daughter realised how intense she would become.

any advise? My daughter tried being kind but is now so upset as she doesn’t want be unkind to her but she just wants some space from her

I’d be asking the school if they encourage kids to have an inclusive mindset and if they teach the benefits of this, i.e. what we can learn from each other.

There doesn’t seem to be much of that going on, much to the detriment of some of the kids. You go much further as an adult if you have that approach.

The point is many posters have deceided this girl is definitely autistic bsed on a couple of paragraphs ,maybe she is maybe she isn't but posters can't just decide she is t,they dont know her have never met her etc.

The post is a dumpster fire tbh I'm surprised that people only picked up on odd and not strange and bizarre too.

Obviously, nobody should be forced to be friends with someone they don't want to be and OP should speak to the teacher but I hope things get better for the little girl and she gets support to find her own circle and not be so isolated.

Obviously OP isn't a professional but I remember when the teacher called my autistic son's verbal stimming "strange noises" and I was pretty offended. Hopefully, people can take the time to educate themselves instead of getting offended at people pointing out that they're offensive.

Spectrum related SEN. 😂 Autism isn't a dirty word y'know.

Who needs assessment by professionals than 🙄

My point is not whether the child is ND or not. No-one, including the OP, knows this child. OP tried to use language avoiding assigning that label and was chased off her own thread for some sort of perceived ableism. So yet again, the OP has left and posters are now left debating an issue that was never the point of the thread in the first place. I hope OP finds the advice she needs elsewhere because, with the exception of very few posters, she certainly didn’t get it here.

It would be odd for many "ND" children, eg. dyslexic ones. Not for autistic ones, though.

Autism is the diagnosis, not "ND".

OP your daughter sounds like a wonderful and compassionate person.

You might consider:

1] talking to the teacher to flag the issue and seek support

2] talking to your daughter about why some children behave 'oddly', and might be really interested in bugs (sounds like a special interest?) or have sensory needs that drive chewing or making noises. Some of those differences are covered

3] help her set boundaries with all the other children. She shouldn't have to talk about things she doesn't want to, and she should be able to be friends (or be friendly) with who she wants.

Good luck!

No but her traits (which err towards ND)have a right to be accommodated and not scorned. We don’t all have to be exactly the same. It’s exactly why ND girls fly under the radar for years with catastrophic results in the teenage years. Girls a bit different are scorned and expected to fit in so they mask. Boys who present as a bit different are seen as eccentric and their traits aren’t hidden so they don’t fly under the radar. It’s not ok and most schools should be aware of how ND can present differently in girls and boys alongside protecting girls with behaviours that mean they may or may not end up on the pathway.

OP, I would suggest that the approach with your child's teacher should be along the lines of how can the school support all the children to accept and help this child and be inclusive, so that the burden isn't all falling on your child and she isn't being excluded from her other friendship groups if she continues to be friendly with this girl.

I was the “odd” kid (now diagnosed with Asperger’s)

it sucks being odd, being called odd. I was excluded and ostracised. It has had a profound and lifelong impact on my self-esteem and mental health.

and by the sounds of it school hasn’t changed much. That poor odd girl. I feel so sorry for her

but as some delightful poster has said “shaming and exclusion” is the only way we’ll learn.

But I’m still odd.

Who cares what you like? It's not your thread.

OP is likely repeating what dd has said. From OP’s dd’s perspective, the behaviour is odd. If someone followed me around saying ‘I worship you’ I would be weirded out.

OP’s dd is not yet equipped with the tools to recognise ND behaviour, she doesn’t have adult understanding that we have.

Not necessarily those behaviours can overlap several NDs including ASC and adhd.

Well, there’s a very valid argument about self ID.

I’m autistic (diagnosed). I was just as autistic pre-diagnosis as I am now.

I’m also gay. I know this about myself. Everyone else knows it about me. I didn’t have to go before a special panel of experts to observe me and question me and declare me officially gay.

Exactly this.

You've misunderstood masking in the context of ASD. Masking in the context of ASD is when people try to cover pretty much their entire being to fit in. Learning appropriate behaviour is not 'masking'.

@Scottishbornandbread43 OP I'm a mum of an autistic boy and I would expect any child having a problem with him to adress the teacher and the TA. This is for the girl's sake as well: she needs to learn the social rules and therefore needs children (with the help of adults) to put in boundaries. Or this can escalate. I remember my boy coming home crying because a boy hit him. When asked why: "Because I wanted to be his friend and play with him". This was true from my boy's perspective BUT when I talked t9 the other boy he said my son was following him around all the time and he had told him to leave him alone and my boy hadn't listened. It led to a good thing because I talked to the teacher and the TA and his pa (halftime) to please pay attention during recess for Everyone's sake. I don't want my boy harrassing kids without understanding what he's doing and also don't want him to deal with the fallout. So teacher told all kids that if there is a problem with X you talk to an adult. That way my kid could learn about boundaries and the others could play with him sometimes but only if they wanted to.

And people are calling the OP offensive !!!

Self I'd is one thing ,diagnosing someone you have never met based on a couple of paragraphs on a thread is quite another

@Scottishbornandbread43 brave post. Sorry for the bunfight over terminology but probably best to avoid the words odd/bizzare.

Im the Mum of a child like the one in your girls class. It’s fine that your DD doesn’t want to be friends.

Three thoughts.

1. Teach her a little about ND and differences (and perhaps consider Future Learns free Autism awareness course for yourself which is excellent). This might mean using language like neurodiverse etc which is more accurate and kind.

1. Speak to the teacher ASAP. As PP have said and request support and mixing up of seating plans and groups.

1. Encourage other friendships for your DD with play dates etc.

I agree that your priority should be your DD. My first point is to support your DD with life skills. ND isn’t going away - kids that are supported to empathize and understand with boundaries will have real advantage in the future. But she should also be able to choose her own friends at school.

Possibly the most sensible post on the thread.

How on earth is that offensive?!

It just means ‘things are usually exactly what they appear to be’!

Self ID is one thing. Labelling a child as disabled unseen on a public forum is something else entirely.

OP as the Mum of a DD with ASD and friendship issues , who can't rec9gnize boundaries, I would day upur best bet is to get the school pastoral care involved

It isn't your daughters job to provide this support, the school and indeed the child's parents would be aware if the issues.

The other child will need more intervention than just your daughter can provide to give your daughter the space that she needs.

Please speak to the schools pastoral care.