Odd girl in daughters class

[Scottishbornandbread43]

Daughter is in primary school and has always had a nice group of friends.
There is a girl in her class that is a bit strange (sorry please don’t think im
being mean). She talks and sings to herself at inappropriate times, she chews everything and leaves bite marks on everything including other people’s property- her conversations are odd - constantly talking about bugs, she asks my daughter every day if she’s had her period yet (daughter is 10). There is a list of strange things this girl does.

My daughter felt sorry for her as no one played with her but now my daughter has found her other friends now don’t want to play with her.

My daughter spoke to me over the weekend and said she doesn’t want to be friends with this girl anymore but says she follows her around saying ‘she worships her’ (which I think is bizarre)and doesn’t want to be told off for telling her to leave her alone.

I feel sorry for this girl as did my daughter but I don’t think my daughter realised how intense she would become.

any advise? My daughter tried being kind but is now so upset as she doesn’t want be unkind to her but she just wants some space from her

This is exactly what I mean when I say kids learn appropriate behaviour when others react negatively to bad behaviour.

The behaviour isn't odd for a ND child at all, it's completely normal.

It's sad that your daughter is the only one who has reached out to this girl and that as a consequence others don't want to mix with her. She showed great sensitivity and awareness and it's sad that others couldn't have done similar. Hopefully the school will offer support to both girls and it can be resolved amicably.

Then you forget what being that age was like. Periods are something that happen one day, so for someone who has started, and perhaps feels alone in that club, it might be a big deal to them for their friend to start.

It is usual and expected for an ND child to act this way. Completely normal.

so you agree that ‘odd’ is a loaded and negative word that you wouldn’t use to describe characteristics of a minority group. Glad we got that sorted.

No it's not. There is no "normal" behaviour for ND children. You're essentially lumping all ND children into one category with that comment.

I'm struggling to see where you've made that connection lol.

This!

Op’s Dd will come across many,many kids that differ to her and aren’t her kind of normal at high school.

I agree with you - it’s been my main point throughout, but the thread reached a low point with this comment and l felt l had to respond. The OP has been chased from her own thread for the use of a word she thought would avoid labelling and found herself in a world of trouble from those perfectly willing to assign that label despite having absolutely no knowledge of the child. I just found it odd that a teacher of SEN children would come in for such nastiness considering they would probably have a better understanding than most of the armchair diagnosticians !!

Ok to put it another way it certainly isn’t “odd” for a ND child.One big part of ND in girls and women can be destructive masking. It’s ok to be different and ND women and girls should not be under pressure to mask as it’s hugely damaging.

And you know they are ND how, exactly ?

I agree this is the bit I’d be concerned about: now my daughter has found her other friends now don’t want to play with her.

The daughter’s so-called ‘friends’ sound mean. They’ve apparently shunned one girl and are now shunning another just because she’s friendly with her. That’s not kind. It’s discriminating mob mentality. Why do they care who else she’s friends with?

And maybe the start of it all was that the daughter befriended the girl because she felt sorry for her. That’s not a great starting point. You should be friendly to people to be sociable and kind, not because you feel sorry for people. No one wants someone elses’s pity.

Describing someone as odd and saying someone has odd behaviour are different.

I'm autistic I just hate being told I'm odd.

I agree with you about the adults, as I said in my last post, the adults are failing this girl too.

Look, there's a middle ground here.
There's a space between "let's all not talk to the weird girl or anyone who is kind to her" and "let's all be friends and hold hands and sing kum ba ya". There's a space where the girl gets better support from the adults AND the children are told that whilst they don't have to be friends with Katie, it's not kind to run away when Katie walks over or tell all their friends to not talk to Katie.

Definitely sounds like ASD. My son is 4 and has ASD. He has an intense interest in bugs, to the extent that from the age of 2.5 he had memorised whole books about insects. At 3 he was running around the playground with his insect book giving monologues about bugs to whoever would listen and not really getting it when other kids weren't interested. He can also be obsessive about friendships. He masks in preschool so it's not impacting his school life yet. I hate to think of others thinking he's strange or weird. I accept he's different to my friends kids. There always seems to be so much negativity towards those with ASD when actually alot of people on the spectrum are alot smarter than the average population, their brain is actually their strength.
But I get it. It's not fair if the other girl is upsetting your child and won't leave her alone.

To be honest, nobody here sounds very inclusive. The poor little girl has lots of ASD needs that the school are clearly not meeting. Your daughter has tried but is being relied upon to support a situation that is too intense for her. She will end up further disliking the child she tried to include and there is concern that by trying to include the child she is exhausted and being ostracised by her peers. The whole school needs to take a good look at this little girl and how everyone can work to acknowledge her obvious needs and better include her. The sort of class group that ostracises your child because they try to play with an SEN child and help them a bit is really not one I would want my child to want to be involved with anyway. The negative language used around the child who everyone describes as "odd", by the adults who parent the rest of the class is working to reinforce the negativity. Definitely speak to the teacher and the Headteacher. This situation should not have been allowed to occur and further work on differences needs to begin at once.

And you know they’re not how exactly?The description from the op errs towards ND far more than NT,it was pretty much a tick box for ND in girls. Who knows if said child would reach the threshold for diagnosis but it’s pretty ludicrous to suggest there is no ND at play here.

Just because something is normal doesn't mean everybody does it. There is a reason why everybody assumed ASD but that doesn't mean every autistic person will have those traits.

It does sound like she could possibly be autistic and not odd, strange or bizarre. Let the poor girl fit in somewhere ffs

I work with the Equality Act every day. OP has not been ableist at all as far as l can see. There is no diagnosis as far as she is aware, and she’s been very careful not to assign labels. Which is more than l can say for many posters here.

The OP's bowed out now, but reading her first post was basically like reading a description of myself as a child. I was that odd little girl -- and yes, I now have a late diagnosis of ASD. I sang to myself sometimes, talked constantly about my special interests, and definitely would have said 'worship' as a fancy word to mean 'I really like you'. I read all the time, got along better with adults than other children, and had a dry, sarcastic sense of humour that really didn't fly with the other eleven year olds. And while I was pretty tone-deaf as to how I was coming across, I definitely knew I was odd.

I have no problems with the word odd. I WAS odd. I still am, lol -- but have also made my special interest into a career, am highly respected in my field, and teach and mentor others.

Here's hoping that Odd Little Girl will grow up to be a world-class entomologist!

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…

Maybe she wasn’t referring to the op’s posts as regards ableism.

So do I, and I disagree. You’ll know obviously that a diagnosis isn’t necessary for the Equality Act to apply.

And this is true, I wasn’t