Torn about holiday

[HollyJollySea]

NC for this.

DH’s big birthday falls very nicely during the next school holidays ( 2weeks). He’d really like us to go away for two weeks to a warm climate.
However, DC is in year 11 and currently narrowly missing his target grades. He has SEN.
I’ve recently started helping him to revise specifically for GCSEs. He’s starting some tutoring sessions soon. I was hoping he could’ve some targeted sessions during the holiday days too, to give him a boost.
In our shoes, would you go away at that time? Or would you postpone it to second week in July when school breaks again for all DC but the holiday will also be significantly more expensive and the weather might be wetter. We could spend an hour or so a day revising, I suppose.

Nothing has been booked yet, he loves leaving things a bit late when booking holidays.

If we postponed it, I’d take DH away for a weekend for his birthday.

In typing this, I think we should go and celebrate but wondering what MNers think…
yabu- go and celebrate
yanbu - postpone it and focus on dc’s exams for now

A couple of days break would be fine
A full 2 weeks unfair on the child

My child regulated herself, I wasn’t involved at all but that’s not the case for every child. Some need some help. It’s called being a supportive parent. I was invested in my DC’s exams, but from afar, I wanted them to do well because it does impact their future

Feb half term yes, I think that would be fine. Possibly even a good idea to relax before the real hard work begins. Especially if they've just had mocks in January as well.

Easter, definitely not.

I agree @pinkroses79

I suspect that @creamsnugjumper has emotionally mature and self motivated DC who don't need any extra encouragement to revise. Factor in SEN, and a two week holiday just before GCSEs is not going to be the best idea.

Unfortunately, not all 15/16 year olds are like her DC. DD was 15 when she took her GCSEs and did need a little encouragement, she matured a lot and needed little encouragement for A levels, which she smashed, and had zero input from me for her degree except for proof reading her dissertation. She graduated with a first and walked into a job straight away.

i do not like the system either it’s why my daughter is in an IB school but I managed rightly without having so much pressure to revise or even doing much revision. And so did my DH. We both did well at them, A levels and uni so it’s not a case of us not valuing education.

But I disagree they are life changing and many successful people have done things differently or in later life. The focus and pressure there seems to be these days I don’t think is great for mental health. But the OP can decide for herself. Some young people don’t come into their own study wise until post 18 education .

My DD is only year 7 so not at this stage yet but I wouldn't take her on a 2 week holiday just before exams.

They won't be able to or in the frame of mind to revise properly, and equally won't fully enjoy a holiday. It is a lose lose situation taking them away.

A long weekend away at easter for the birthday celebration and will also be good for the child to have that downtime. Then the holiday once exams are over, when everyone can relax and fully enjoy and participate in it.

If the season won't be right for where your DH wants to go then postpone that until next year, and have a summer holiday elsewhere after the exams (if money allows, obvs)

Your DH having a big birthday does not trump GCSEs and it is quite selfish not to recognise that. And I say that as someone who will have their 50th birthday when it is May half term in GCSE year.

Of course GCSEs are life changing! For pupils who know they want to do specific A levels at a specific place, GCSEs are life changing.

My DS wants to do 3 A levels at his local college, one of which is economics. In order to do this, he needs to get at least a grade 5 in maths. If he doesn’t get a grade 5, he won’t be allowed to study economics at his local college. He will therefore have to change his plans, which in turn will change his life. It won’t necessarily ruin his life, but it’ll certainly change it, in a way that he wouldn’t be happy with. Therefore it makes sense to do the best he can to ensure he gets a grade 5 in maths.

Quite simply really.

You’re seriously considering a two week long haul holiday during the Easter break before GCSEs? That is such selfish behaviour on the part of you and your DH - what a good way to show your son that his education is not a priority.

I feel like I live in a completely different world to some posters on here - we stopped going away at Easter when our eldest was in Year 9 because she needed the time to revise with end of year exams coming up.

I don’t know a single person who would have considered even a weekend away in the Easter holiday before GCSEs.

Not a chance I would even consider this when my child is in an exam year and even more so needing additional support.
My husband wouldn't dream of it either.
Prioritise your childs education!

@Poppins21 - you might have done well with minimum revision, that’s probably because you are usually bright. The OPs ds is not.

there is not a single school or college within 10 miles of my house that will let you do A levels without at least a 6 in GCSE maths and English. You have to do other, vocational courses which can take you to uni, but large number of uni courses won’t take you with below a 6 in those subjects so many careers stop being possible at 15/16. Yes you can do interesting things later, but some things will be forever closed off at that point.

If you don’t get a 4 in English and Maths, many employers won’t even hire you. Apprenticeships and level 3 courses are not possible.

I don’t think it’s right we stop options at 15/16, but as a country we do and a struggling child has to be given the best chance to get a number on that results day that keeps as many options open for them.

YANBU

Your child's education and exam results should always be higher priority than a holiday “big birthday” or not. Taking them away on holiday for 2 weeks when they should be focused on revising, assuming your want them to get best grades possible is irresponsible and as other PPs said could limit their A-Level and future life choices if grades are poor. Maybe if a child was on track for all 8/9s easily it would be ok for a week.

I’m surprised your DH has even suggested going away just before GCSE exams!

Lol id probably do the same Mind you DD2 ( last one to actually take GCSEs ) only ever did a quick bit of revision the night before the exam.

In fact I've never known any kids spend weeks through a school holiday revising. Seems good way to get burnt out before exams even take place

This

Lol
Completely wrong

100% this for me.

I have a DS in Y11. We're not going away anywhere until exams are over, that includes my 50th birthday. These are far too important, I'd be gutted if DS missed out on his 6th form/A level choices because I wanted to go on holiday.

I would have been the one who would say go on the holiday, as ds1 was able to self motivate the revision and coursework and walked away with good grades. However, having ds2 who needs extra support made me understand the very different needs each child has. We will always put him first, even if that means putting ourselves out. Neither me or DH would ever consider putting a holiday before his education, as it’s really important to us that he gets the same opportunities ds1 got. If that means having a holiday not on his actual birthday (is this really a big deal for an adult anyway?) and maybe changing the destination for somewhere less wet, then so be it.

Well the night before revision didn't hurt my DD. She had mainly 9s a couple of 8s and one 7 which was in RE

Because she was bright.

Why do you find it so difficult to understand that not all 15/16 year olds are the same?

Read @delphinedupont's post. It shows just how different they can be.

All the teachers on this thread are also saying a hard no as well. I wonder why?

Ah silly me. I thought I’d it turned on.

I had my heart set on a long haul holiday for my 50th but have recently realised I will be in almost exactly the same situation regarding exams. I just don't think any of us would be able to enjoy it with exams so close and I would want it to be an amazing experience for us all and not stressing about when exam study should be done.

I am now planning a weekend for my birthday and a big holiday at a different time.

But the point is that people are constantly saying that their teens have to revise for weeks on end . There will be other bright kids who don't need to. Yet on MN the whole world seems to stop for GCSEs. Even if the teen is bright enough to not need to be bogged down in revision.

Thank you all for your replies, much appreciated.

@Doctor1988 , the tutor we’ve got is fantastic but hates tutoring virtually. I will see if we can get another tutor we know to do virtual sessions. I’ll ask DS how he feels about them too.

@Gumbuyahpark we do have family nearby who would come and stay with DC for a weekend, no problem. The planned holiday would be a whole family affair. If we didn’t go for a fortnight around his birthday, then I’d take him away, just the two of us for a weekend.

The OP's DC has SEN and needs extra support.

DD is bright, but still needed to revise for GCSEs (mostly A* and A), A levels (AAA) and her degree (1st STEM).

Most DC don't have a photographic memory. Your DD is an outlier