To think 8/9 year olds shouldn’t be doing this

[Pluggoo]

Walking up a big hill with a busy road next to it (known to speeders) to go and meet their friends alone. All in year 4. Then playing on a field to play football. Walking back home mainly alone. 10 minutes walk to get home

Traffic has changed, more cars, faster cars, and as the OP stated, it's a busy road where people speed.

If the road is actually dangerous to walk along the pavement next to it, then yes that's not safe (or if there's no pavement and its a fast road). But if its a safe pavement just next to a busy road and they don't need to cross, then what's the problem? So long as the child can be trusted not to wander off into the road, chasing after a dropped ball for instance.

Read the OP, does it sound safe to you?

It says walking up a big hill with a busy road known to speeders, that's not enough information really, no mention of whether the road needs crossing, if there's a good footpath. It could be perfectly fine or it could be a dangerous route.

Not everywhere though. Depends on where you live. I should image the traffic in London in the 80/90s was worse than a sleepy village is now

Speed limit hasn't changed in at least 50 years either And cars have better brakes etc

Statistically this would be fine most of the time. Kids are, on the whole, very capable.

But how fine would you be if something were to happen?

I think the scenario you are portraying is a risky one and does not really translate to the realities here in the UK.

It is a risk most parents would not take and quite frankly, I think the police would take a dim view of any parent allowing a child out in the dark by themselves and would probably be prosecuted for negligence or more if that child came to harm.

I would not be fine if something happened, same as I wouldn't be fine if something happened to my children at any point in their lives. I also wouldn't be fine if I restricted their lives because of my own worries. Sometimes I have to put my worries aside and let them do things that scare me because it's good for them, and they get joy out of them. I was very anxious this summer when my 13 year old travelled across the country by various public transport methods with her friend, but her sense of accomplishment and pride in herself for managing it and having a good time with her friend was worth it.
On the flip side, sometimes we need to listen to our gut instead. The problem is trying to figure out whether it's a gut issue or an anxiety issue.

No one would be fine if their child got hit by a car. What kind of question is that?

As you've said, statistically, it is going to be fine most of the time. That isn't risky at all.

I'm not sure police would charge a family with negligence just because it happened to be winter and dark by 4pm.

@Mumtumtastic

It is a risk most parents would not take and quite frankly, I think the police would take a dim view of any parent allowing a child out in the dark by themselves and would probably be prosecuted for negligence or more if that child came to harm.

It's dark at 4pm in Scotland in the winter. Of course children still play out. And of course the police wouldn't prosecute the parents for negligence for this.

Most of us do not let young children out on their own.

MN is a weird microcosm where all sorts of claims are made (up) and would never be the norm IRL

Mini blondes is in yr 3

im not sure I would be happy with her doing this in a years time

So now people are lying about what they allow/would allow simply because they disagree with you?

I find it bizarre that you think things that you don't experience in your life and your community are "made up", all while making up your own claims that parents will be prosecuted for letting children play out when it's dark.

"Young" is a relative word. An 8 or 9 year old is not too young to walk ten minutes away from their home to play football. You might choose not to let them do that, but that doesn't mean plenty of other people don't, and that their children are more than capable.

An 8 year old is too young to do many things, but this isn't one of them.

There's no right answer, OP. You probably won't feel comfortable letting him out next year, or the year after, because the risk won't go away. The main problem is other and older kids, and that will still be an issue when he's 17. At some point you just have to go with it, and console yourself that he won't learn to deal with dangers until he's confronting them.

I am 60 and was a latchkey child, out and about from 7. Yes, bad things happened, they always do. Most of the time they can be handled, sometimes they can not.

I wouldn't judge you either way on this one. But yes, motherhood is terrifying!

I agree with Mumtumtastic, in my opinion (and everyone is entitled to an opinion) a lot of stuff of MN is made up. I started a thread on it when I was new here, (a few weeks ago) and most agreed.

Re this thread, I am pretty shocked that so many posters are of the opinion that it's fine for young children to have the sort of freedom I, and many others, would think they were not equipped to deal with yet.
Maybe some of these posters don't have children, maybe they are neglectful of their child's safety, maybe they genuinely believe that an 8-year-old can cope with most of the things they are saying.

I guarantee you that I, and many other posters on this thread, are as baffled by your opinion as you are by ours.

I think allowing 8 and 9 year olds to walk ten minutes from their house for a kickabout with friends is pretty modest on the scale of laissez-faire parenting. It's certainly the norm where I live.

But clearly there are people out there who consider it tantamount to child neglect.

Takes all sorts I suppose.

Of course some things are made up. It’s a poor argument to bring it up just because someone disagrees with you though.

It’s also perfectly possible that someone simply has a different opinion.

It does take all sorts, we can agree on that.🙂

Yes, here in the UK I think it is perfectly reasonable to imagine a dialogue with the police would go something like this:

”Ello, ello ello (lol) Mrs M, I understand little Johnny is missing “

”Yes Officer, thank goodness you’re here”

”Can you tell me what happened”

”Yes, so I picked up little Johnny from school as usual..

(Honestly I just find the timings weird here)

..let him dump his school bags quickly down, have a wee, then straight back out again to head off to the swings by himself in the dark, as we usually do.

“..Right, uhh”

”It’s not a problem actually as there’s always plenty of vaping youths down there and people drinking and muttering to themselves to keep an eye on him. The busy road is a wonderful learning opportunity for him, like a real life game of Frogger and he always really feels SUCH a sense of achievement after he’s dodged a few cars. It’s normally pitch black half an hour after he gets to the park but it makes is so much more exciting when he can’t find his way off the climbing frames or really see the play equipment at all, but we feed him plenty of carrots to sharpen his night vision, safety first and all that. Normally there’s a few dogs off lead and when we hear them barking that they’re probably them on the chase again, oh the fun they have with little Johnny and his friends. That’s normally our signal to get his dinner on and pop the fish fingers in the oven. But today (sobs) Oh Officer he didn’t come home!!”

Imagine is very accurate.

Where do you stay?

Sounds rough as a badger's arsehole. I'd move.

I think where I live you're more likely to be judged for not letting your children out to play. Maybe at 8 years old they won't judge so much but at 9 they are expected to have a certain level of independence (at that age school will send them out orienteering and cross country skiing without a teacher with them so the teacher needs to trust that they can cope with that) and if you haven't helped them develop that as a parent then you might get viewed as neglecting your duties. So I wonder how some posters might feel knowing that they could be considered neglectful.

Cross country skiing sounds gorgeous and I imagine you live in some kind of Nordic dream but different countries have different cultures and social norms so not really transferable to UK. It’s great kids have more Independence where you are but, for the many various reasons we’ve discussed on here safety can’t just be assumed. I think parents instincts for safe boundaries is a good gauge, none of us walk around with a load of stats but you can read a situation and make a decision based on observation.

Yeah where we lived before was turning quite badgers arsehole like, there are plenty of places that n the UK with crime and social problems though. It’s the UK innit

A bit of artistic license is fun though 😁

Best not to make sweeping statements about communities in the UK where 8 and 9 year olds do play out by themselves, based on what it's like where you live. It's a shame for your kids and their friends, but there are plenty of places up and down the country where children don't have to live like that.