Best response to MIL telling me to clean less?

[roses2]

MIL is a staying for 5 weeks (a whole other thread). I like a clean house. I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters.

Her house is dirty and cluttered. She’s asking me why do I clean so much, it’s pointless. Not to me it’s not. She’s just used to living in a house with 50 years of dust build up and cupboards full of items she never uses.

Her comments about me cleaning are driving me insane.

mumsnet people what is the best response without outright me telling her that her standards are filthy?

@roses2 - you wrote "she lives abroad and is visiting hence the 5 week stay."

Living abroad doesn't always have to equate to guests having to stay many weeks with you.

I'd try to organise something for her next visit so that she spends some time with you and that she spends some time visiting other relations (if this might be an option) or visiting some tourist attractions or just that you can put a guest up for 2 weeks and then they must find somewhere else to stay. I couldn't do 5 weeks. More power to you that you think you can.

Same for me - I feel like I hoover hourly some days! My mum comments on how much I clean when she visits and I point out that during my childhood, the words "nice and" always preceeded the word tidy, so my cleaning obsession is entirely her fault 😂

I have the opposite with my OCD mum always making digs at my oerfectly normal house. I would always say 'well this is how I like it'. Works mostly - although recently I did lose it as it was just one comment to far and I exploded as she's not said a peep since. Not the way I'd encourage you to go.

Maybe just try and breezy 'it's just the way we like it' and change the subject.

If she is relentless you naught have to be firmer .

I don't clean much and my cupboards are full of things I don't use (often). How she keeps her house is her business. You don't do much cleaning in my book, anyway and you have a cleaner (which I don't and I bet MiL doesn't either). Just say you like hoovering and leave it at that.

she needs a backup for the backup for toastie maker!

Sweeping the floor everyday is fine. Medieval peasants did the same in their cottages with earthen floors. They've found grooves where the floor was worn away in excavations. Bet they had better immune systems than the MIL. 🙄

@Chuchoter

why be so twatty to your MIL though?

I think @Pinkyhere has the best repsonse.

She tidied her mother in law's cupboards!

Either say nothing or
" The mice like it clean" 🐀

"Because I'm not a mucky bint."

How close is your relationship? Can you use humour? With my mum (and I have the opposite) when she's overstepping I say 'alright Mrs bouquet' to keep it light.

Nope, it’s funny. Lighten up.

@Trifecta I'm glad you agree! I thought it would be funny ! If I had the guts my mil would have got a lot of comments like this
It's okay for mil to make their dil feel shit but not okay to have a whitty comment back xx

I'm going to guess that OP repeatedly emptying MIL's cupboards and challenging her on why she's got three of the same appliance, made MIL feel shit too.

It's interesting that OP hasn't been back since several of us have pointed out her poor behaviour at MIL's, prior to this visit.

I'm so glad you noticed, I'd love it if you did the kitchen for me while I have a cuppa

I've got two instant pots they are identical in my defense my youngest (very autistic) child went through a phase of twiddling my cooker knobs and as soon as I turned the cooker on at the wall the hobs would turn on and destroyed two instant pots and damaged a slow cooker (I occasionally leave them on top) because I used it so often at the time I bought a spare.....I hardly use it now

Saving this thread as I'd like tips for managing my MIL about this too!

I like things clean, uncluttered and tidy and MIL is a hoarder and doesn't bother about dusting or things like that. Each to their own. Yet every time she can, she likes to bring up that I clean too much. I don't know how she manages to, but it always, always comes across as a dig at me.

For example we were all round at a family gathering the other weekend and the cousin's house we were in had just finished getting an extension done. The cousin was saying how much dust there was during the process and I sympathised and said I'd had that too on a much smaller scale with our radiators being replaced recently. MIL then piped up "I'm still finding dust in my house from when I first moved in (2 years she's been in, it was a new build) but unlike you, I don't care about dust, you obsess too much about cleaning."

Maybe I do, but regardless, I think what annoys me is that I would never, ever dream of criticising her house cleaning standards, and there's been a few times I've had to clean the toilet at her house before I used it, as it was totally rank!!!! DH helps her with IT stuff all the time and he said to me that behind his mum's TV was gross, with dust and crumbs and mouldy food things. Again, he didn't say anything as he knows she'd kick off and be all upset if he did say. Yet she gets to make out that I'm some sort of unhinged over-cleaner? I'm actually not, I'd say the OP actually cleans more than me, I hoover maybe fortnightly unless there's crumb carnage. I do use a dust and pan a lot after toddler dinner time. Anyway, my MIL's constant criticism is annoying. I want to just have a good response that shuts her up from now on.

Why on earth do you try to declutter her cupboards? That’s totally out of order! Are you sure you’re not over invested in cleaning?

I did it once and only because I wanted a saucepan and couldn’t find one due to the clutter so I asked her why does she have three toastie machines and suggested we declutter.

why assume I did it repeatedly!

"I can't think straight in mess "

Why assume that you did it repeatedly?

Because you said this:
"she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards"

You could just say "I like doing this. Cleaning is my happy space" ... why make this into a conflict?

I want to say, I would feel unwelcome and unrelaxed if the host was cleaning like that every day. I would feel I was being cleaned up after & resented. I have an issue a bit like that with my step-mum. exMIL could be the same. If someone is hovering to whisk away your dishes or vaccuum up after you, I just hate it. Makes me want to flee. Might be totally my terrible badness for being a total slob but I obviously (I'm old now) can't change so the seeming best action is to reduce contact since I can't help but be offensive to them by existing.

That's how it can feel as a guest if host is constantly cleaning around you,.

I reckon it's pretty 'twatty' for OP's MIL to keep asking her why she's cleaning!

Whatever OP's response, if it causes an argument, so be it. Sometimes it's what's required for people to get the message about something.

The OP writes "I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters."

That isn't excessive cleaning. If you think it is the problem is you. Don't most people clean the kitchen counters everyday, and sweep up crumbs from the floor?