Best response to MIL telling me to clean less?

[roses2]

MIL is a staying for 5 weeks (a whole other thread). I like a clean house. I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters.

Her house is dirty and cluttered. She’s asking me why do I clean so much, it’s pointless. Not to me it’s not. She’s just used to living in a house with 50 years of dust build up and cupboards full of items she never uses.

Her comments about me cleaning are driving me insane.

mumsnet people what is the best response without outright me telling her that her standards are filthy?

Yargh my mil also used to do this! I’m no domestic goddess but everything is at least hygienic; whereas her house was a health hazard.

And she used to make an announcement saying, “the time for cleaning is now over”, when she was staying as a guest! Incredibly rude!

It wasn’t as though I was cleaning under her feet or anything either. This was during long summer visits where they could have sat anywhere outside, on the terrace, in the garden, but chose to take up permanent residence in the sitting room and bark orders in to the kitchen!

It still grinds my gears to this day!

I think you have it the wrong way around.

Your cleaning does not sound in the slightest bit excessive!

"I don't like dirty homes. I find them really off-putting"

This one! 💯😁

"We're all different!"

Your mils standards may be poor to you but I bet she has a stronger immune system.

People are people and there is no right or wrong answer. It’s just personal preference. But, it’s how you say it to another, that matters.
if you respond by saying ‘I prefer my house to be clean’, that is actually a small dig to your MIL that there is something wrong with her house.
Equally, your MIL questioning why you have to clean so much, is also a dig to you.
You both need to back off on the judgement towards each other.

she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toasie machines!

Equally as rude OP.

I would be telling her to shut her face or go back home to her own shit-hole.

'I know you don't like cleaning Maureen, but I actually find it very satisfying and simply can't relax and enjoy myself in a messy and dirty environment'. Then if she carries on just say 'and I'd rather not discuss it any further.'

Every time she mention it just say "I like cleaning" and if she ever asks why, tell her it is because you like cleaning more than you like living in a shithole.

You sound nasty. People vary in how tidy and clean they want their homes and how much time and effort they put in. T call her standards filthy is extreme unless she has excrement on the floor, rotting fruit in bowls, flies everywhere.

You are welcome to come to my house and get a cleaning fix that MiL can't see therefore can't complain about 😉

"One of the most fascinating things about humanity is the huge range of perfectly valid opinions."

Said with a warm smile, it is my stock answer to many similar issues. Say it and move on, never debate.

It stops everything dead.

Why do you sort her cupboards out? Isn’t that just as rude?

I would just say you are happy doing it. I wouldn’t be rude to her. Surely better she thinks you clean too much than not enough, which is what I used to get from MIL

She lives in a hot country and when I went in the summer her larder was covered in cockroach shit everywhere. She’s free to live the way she wants and I don’t criticise her house to her face. However her comments on me doing basic cleaning in my own house drives in crazy and I’m finding it hard to bite my tongue.

This would annoy me considerably more than some throwaway comments from my MIL, tbh.

I wouldn't even have this woman in my house 😬😮

"There's nothing quite like a clean home"

Just say something along the lines of 'each to their own' 'my house, my choice to clean it'

My MIL used to say similar stuff. I recall her loudly telling me that I shouldn't bother to arrange birthday parties for my kids because it's too much effort and they don't remember anyway. This was in the middle of said party.

She said the same about cooking from scratch 'why bother when ready meals are so nice these days'

I just used to say that these things are important to me so I'll carry on

Don't bite your tongue - tell her she's annoying you and that if she's staying 5 weeks, she'll need to keep her comments to herself or find somewhere else to stay. Seriously, don't tolerate it. It's your house and your life so set the boundaries of what you're prepared to put up with re: criticism from her.

No one should be commenting on anything if you are guest in their home imho.

If it’s not your home; do not comment.

People forget their manners with close family unfortunately.

"Oh MIL, I'm just doing the minimum to maintain basic standards of hygiene". Tinkly laugh.

I've done the same for four decades with my own MIL over food. Every time she starts counting potatoes: "Oh MIl, you should know by now there's always enough here, for everyone to take what they need" Tinkly laugh. "Was it cold/hot/damp when you went for your walk?" And let her then drone on about the weather.

Or "that's very extravagant DIL", "oh may be so, but it's my money I'm spending".

It sounds as if the mother-in-law is from a traditional culture where it is the norm for her to have dominion over her daughter-in-law.
Women tend to receive little to no education in such traditional cultures this means she will lack the ability to accept opinions which differ from her own, think things through etc.
In other words she will disregard everything you say and keep pushing for what she wants, ie for you OP to obey her.

She’s British! Moved in her 20s abroad after she met FIL who is from there. It’s Europe.

You only hoover the hall once a week? 😂

JK (I have cats it's a daily thing)

My reply would be I'm really not cleaning that often? With a questioning look