Best response to MIL telling me to clean less?

[roses2]

MIL is a staying for 5 weeks (a whole other thread). I like a clean house. I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters.

Her house is dirty and cluttered. She’s asking me why do I clean so much, it’s pointless. Not to me it’s not. She’s just used to living in a house with 50 years of dust build up and cupboards full of items she never uses.

Her comments about me cleaning are driving me insane.

mumsnet people what is the best response without outright me telling her that her standards are filthy?

Give her a mop and say…
if ya can be mean, then ya can clean!
Otherwise….
Tell her it’s your house and you like a certain standard.

'Ah MiL I find doing a little bit everyday stops it mounting up into a big chore that I then can't face so the house is always clean and I'm never overwhelmed'

We are all different. You and MIL shouldn't judge each other. She's happy and healthy with her standards at her house, as you are with yours.
If you choose to spend time in each others houses you have to accept each others ways.
Just tell her "It's how I like it".

I like a clean house. My ex MIL commented on me wiping all the skirting boards and door frames and made a few comments about unnecessary cleaning, I just said ‘well MIL, it just depends on your standards’ and left it there.

"why does it bother you that I like a clean home?"

From what I know we clean a similar amount of time as other families. DH & I find that a clean & tidy home is more restful and easier to run than a messy or dirty one.

Keeping on top of things means that our cleaner is more effective when they're here and we don't spend half of the weekend doing household chores.
Maybe you don't remember but working full time and running a household and having time to relax & have fun or chill together and with friends is tough.

You have been pretty much criticising to her face though?

“she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toastie machines”.

Maybe if you stop going through her cupboards she’ll stop telling you that you clean too much.

Then my response would be "I am trying to model good spouse skills for my kids"

I would just keep saying "Neat And Tidy!" In the voice of Norbot the gnome from Wallace and Gromit.

Though why are you emptying her cupboards? I would be as annoyed about that as someone criticising me for cleaning too much.

I would just say that I like to get things done so that I can relax afterwards and I can't relax if something needs tidying or cleaning. If she persists, you can say "I'm afraid we'll just have to agree to disagree about this." Retaliation and criticism don't tend to go down well.

My MIL used to ask me stupid questions all the time...

Why do you do that,my reply was always ...because I want to

Why did you need that...I didn't need it,I wanted it

If she repeated a question my reply was the same but firmer.
She did work out after a while that certain things were pissing me off.

Say you enjoy doing it

I'd suggest she keeps moving to avoid being dusted and polished.

But you do criticise her house to her face if you try to empty out her cupboards! In terms of a fix I agree simply repeating "I find it more relaxing when the house is clean" is the sensible way forward. And sympathies: 5 weeks is a long stint. But maybe also don't interfere with her house when you're there?

'I find it relaxing '😌

Try
I like doing it.

If she's got cockroaches, make sure none of the little bastards hitched a lift in her suitcase.

Say "surely it's better than living in a dirty house"!

She can read into that what she wants!!!!!

Oh. And stop clearing out her cupboards and asking why she needs stuff.

How is that any different to her asking why you clean?

I'd go with that.

The fact that she mentions it at all means she's somehow bothered by it.

Some people just don’t get it, sounds like MIL might be one of them, in which case nothing you say will have any impact.

DP has asked before why I need to clean so much because, I quote - ‘Our house is always clean’. Yes, dear. It’s clean because I keep it that way. The irony is lost on him 🤦🏻‍♀️

"I run my home the way it suit me. If you don't like it, look away!"

Ooooh cockroaches..then I think filthy is an ok word to use and withdraw my Nast comment. Sorry.

"like you" - like what?

What OP has described ("sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters") can hardly be described as excessive!

To be honest, I would absolutely go with this! No joke. People are far too polite when it comes to this sort of thing, just so they can 'keep the peace'. But MILs comments are already having an impact on OP's 'peace'!

With that in mind, in OP's position, I would just have at it and tell her MIL straight!