Best response to MIL telling me to clean less?

[roses2]

MIL is a staying for 5 weeks (a whole other thread). I like a clean house. I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters.

Her house is dirty and cluttered. She’s asking me why do I clean so much, it’s pointless. Not to me it’s not. She’s just used to living in a house with 50 years of dust build up and cupboards full of items she never uses.

Her comments about me cleaning are driving me insane.

mumsnet people what is the best response without outright me telling her that her standards are filthy?

I wouldn’t use it as an opportunity to insult her. I’d just say, ‘I can’t relax until ….whatever’ and leave it at that.

We'll have to agree to disagree on that one.

TBH you are not cleaning more than average person. So I would just keep repeating that your cleaning routine is average (or basic) a d that other people cleaning even more, and that hou like to keep tidy.

This.

"Because if you don't keep your house tidy it turns into a shit hole."

Then let her join the dots.

It’s probably not worth a confrontation so I would probably just say, “I like cleaning.” Who knows, maybe you’ll inspire her.

Very true.

My siblings and I did all the cleaning at my parents, and as far as I'm aware still do a fair proportion of it between us when we visit.

The house has steadily declined in standards over the years since we left as there's only so much we can do. They talk about "not having time" to keep a spotless house, but the truth is that they never picked up the habit after us kids left. They have plenty of time, they just don't bother keeping things nice.

My house has been a bit of a shit hole this past year with a baby, and we've just managed a huge clearout post Christmas and got cleaners in.

It's hugely beneficial to my mental health after one week to see the difference.

“If you don’t like it here, or you don’t like how I run my home, feel free to go and stay somewhere else.”

There really are worse insults. I'd wear this one with pride.

Perhaps she asks because she would rather spend time talking to you? Do you otherwise get on with her? I'm guessing not.

"I genuinely enjoy cleaning"

Can I be completely honest with you mil?
This is not excessive it's basic maintenance so it doesn't build up and become filthy.
I find messy and dirty homes really off putting. I wouldn't tell anyone else how to live. But I like a clean home.

And then on repeat, I like a clean home.

That's seriously nasty with cockroach poo - My friend is a habitual cleaner- as in always dusting and hoovering - but that's just the way she is.
When we chat, she dusts already gleaming surfaces, but that's just her.
Her mum was the same.

It's lovely seeing such an immaculate but characterful home.

Well it's your damn house (but my mum being like you is why I can't bear tidying as an adult - fully associate it with uptight misery)

What's it to do with you?'

Every time.

It must be extremely irritating to be subjected to those comments. There aren’t really any circumstances where it is acceptable to comment on a host’s housekeeping standards. It is a very sensitive issue.
My approach in these situations is to just say that it is my personal preference to have this routine for my home. Don’t let her give you the third degree as to why. If necessary, tell her that it is a bit tedious to keep having it commented on and could she please refrain from doing so.

Next time she asks why you clean so much ask her why she doesn't clean enough?

Indeed! Well spotted.

So yes, @roses2 if you're going to make spikey comments about her home, you can expect to get them back.

I'd laugh and agree "oh, I know," and just keep doing it

Its best to just ignore. Just dont answer

Except, as above, you have criticised her house face to face. You've even taken it upon yourself to empty her cupboards.
You might have felt the latter necessary, but it's a much more provocative thing to do than her simply telling you you don't need to tidy so much.

Alternative Mumsnet OP:

I keep finding my MIL in my kitchen emptying my cupboards and questioning what I have in them. What should I say to her?

i missed whether you have DC or not but my DH is such a slob and I don't want my DC to be slobs. His mum is aware and often apologises for how awful DH is - she'll look at me very seriously and say "MHG, I tried..."

So realistically I would say - I like things clean and I like to set a good example to the DC. I don't want my DC to make their partners miserable...

But others saying ignore are probably more sensible!

YABU for trying to empty her cupboards. It's up to her what she keeps

My partner grew up in an untidy/dirty house (it's just as bad 30 years later). Old gadgets lying about, cooker top filthy etc and that's why we have a tidy/clean house now.

'Mil, I understand and appreciate you are looking out for my welfare when you comment on how much I clean. What is best for my welfare is to be able to clean the house regularly, and for it not to be commented on' accompanied by a big smile.