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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Step son used my bath towel

1000 replies

Green0911 · 19/01/2025 01:31

Want to gauge if IABU here.

My and my husband's towels are in the bathroom. Teenage SS keeps his in his room. We each have a hand towel and a bath towel. They all get changed every 3-4 days. When it came to changing them, I realised SS didn't have his towels in his room. He said he'd put them to be laundered a few days before. When I asked him which towels he'd been using in the meantime (he'd showered at least twice during this period), initially he claimed none, then admitted he'd used mine.

I blew a fuse. Couldn't believe he thought this was acceptable. Husband has laughed it off and is accusing me of being dramatic/blowing things out of proportion.

AIBU?

OP posts:
changecandles · 19/01/2025 13:44

@MrsSunshine2b

You seriously "dry" your vulva and butt crack with a towel? I've never felt the need to do that

You don't? 😯. Do you just dry the sticky out parts of your body? You leave a damp butt crack?

One need to do a survey on this. Who dries their butt crack and between their legs and who walks around with damp crevices

Tubetrain · 19/01/2025 13:44

Why do you need separate towels? You are generally clean when drying yourself after a bath or shower.....

Bignanna · 19/01/2025 13:44

SummerFeverVenice · 19/01/2025 01:41

Ok, well I would tell him to get a fresh towel instead of using someone else’s towel. I don’t see the point in getting angry though. Consider not keeping bath towels in the bathroom to remove temptation.

Where would they be hung to dry, then? Having wet towels hanging around the bedroom is not a good idea. People should respect others. I certainly wouldn’t want to use a towel that had been flapping around someone’s scrotum etc!

Thisismetooaswell · 19/01/2025 13:45

PreferMyAnimals · 19/01/2025 04:47

I wouldn't like it, but I don't want to use my own towel twice. I change them after every shower, like every other member of my family does.

What????? What an incredible waste of water and electricity

CustardySergeant · 19/01/2025 13:45

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2025 13:03

Then your mum mustn't have minded all that washing and mangling (even if it was on the washing machine!)
Or were you really posh with a twin tub? (I think it was the early 60s when we got one)

We lived in a two-up two-down Victorian terraced house in S.E. London which my parents bought for £800 (for which they had to take out a mortgage!) so very far from 'posh'. I do remember the mangle but can't remember whether or not we had a washing machine when I was little. If I had to guess I would think it was probably one of those with a mangle on the top which a PP mentioned. It's all rather hazy after all these years. We had a garden to hang the washing in.
Anyway, I was brought up with us all having our own towels and assumed everyone did the same. In fact I have been surprised by the number of people on this thread for whom that isn't the norm at all.

SallymetLarry · 19/01/2025 13:45

Gloriia · 19/01/2025 13:06

'My parents sometimes shared a bath (taking turns) as hot water was a luxury and derived from a boiler fed by coal. Our sole source of heating and hot water. But we had our own towels.'

How funny that hot water for washing towels was plentiful yet not plentiful for washing bodies.

Tbf once you've shared bathwater I think a towel is the least of your worries.

You're confused.

I didn't even mention wash day or how often towels were washed.

Wash day was once a week on Mondays. My parents had a boiler ( doubt many MN here are old enough to know what that is.) Towels were boil-washed.

Tuesday was ironing day.

I don't agree with sharing bath water but I didn't- my parents did. They were exceptionally poor.

But I had my own towel as it was a 'child's towel' and different to theirs

Shinybear · 19/01/2025 13:46

Why didn't you just ask him calmly to not do that again? What was the point in getting angry?

Or do you struggle to control your temper in the heat of the moment? If so, maybe get some help with anger management. Anger is very, very rarely a productive emotion, unless it's some kind of righteous anger at injustice which you deal with in private before channelling into positive action.

Bignanna · 19/01/2025 13:47

Tubetrain · 19/01/2025 13:44

Why do you need separate towels? You are generally clean when drying yourself after a bath or shower.....

Urg! Even though people shower it’s not acceptable or pleasant to share towels that have been rubbing all the important little places and orifices!

Shinybear · 19/01/2025 13:48

Green0911 · 19/01/2025 09:42

I have woken up to 17 pages of response. I'm only on page 3.

He is gently encouraged to shower (not of his own accord as per usual with teenage boys) following sports. He often leaves showers with mud all over his legs. His showers are suspiciously short. He refused to use deodorant. He used my hand towel in the past and left it absolutely filthy (noticeable stains). This is the first time I found out he'd been using my bath towel.

His towels now are hung in the bathroom with his father's. Mine will remain in my room.

So this is about more than him just using your towel

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/01/2025 13:50

ManchesterLu · 19/01/2025 12:42

My stepson sometimes does this too - but luckily (if you can call it that) he never hangs it back up, so I can tell he's done it. The difference is we have LOADS of spare towels, in the bathroom cupboard, it's just that he has to take 2 more steps to get to those than the ones hanging up. His is always in his bedroom, on the floor, he just always forgets to take it in with him. He has a rung on the towel warmer just like we do.

The more disgusting thing is that he often walks round while he's brushing his teeth, so leaves his brush in weird places. If his isn't to hand, he'll use one of ours. And then leave it somewhere. Now THAT'S disgusting.

EDIT: He's 21 btw.

Edited

Why is he allowed to get away with that?

Another prince who's going to make someone a great partner someday. 🙄

Bignanna · 19/01/2025 13:50

IJustCantDeal · 19/01/2025 13:05

It never occurred to me that people use towels multiple times. We have a pile in the airing cupboard and wash after every use (except hand towels) and nobody has a specific towel just for them. I wash towels at 60 degrees so don’t really worry about it. Op can you not just wash towels after each use if it bothers you so much?

Why waste water and electricity?

Maddy70 · 19/01/2025 13:51

MrsSunshine2b · 19/01/2025 13:21

You seriously "dry" your vulva and butt crack with a towel? I've never felt the need to do that.

Why is your freshly washed bum any different to any other part of your body?

Wonderi · 19/01/2025 13:51

SallymetLarry · 19/01/2025 13:41

The lack of understanding about science here is shocking.

Towels always harbour bacteria. The minute you step out of the shower or bath, your body will be covered with bacteria- some good, some bad- that are always in the air and will be on your towel. You have your own bacteria and another person has their own. You will share some, but not all. Just like everyone's gut bacteria is unique.

When you use a towel, bacteria will be on it.
When it dries on the radiator, or anywhere, the bacteria will grow.

What you or anyone gets up to with sex is up to you.

But basic hygiene of using one towel per person is the norm.
Otherwise, why is there not one towel in public loos? If everyone washes their hands and uses one towel, why not? That's the logic of it.

There are one heck of a lot of uneducated posters here.

It’s not about being uneducated, it’s about not being precious and over-reacting.

Yes there’s bacteria on that towel.
Just like there is with every single surface you touch.

I assume you don’t have separate sofas, door handles and cupboards.
I assume you also don’t but individual boxes of cereal or bottles of milk etc.

After you shower, you are the cleanest you’re going to be until you next wash.

Do you seriously think that all of the posters on here are constantly ill just because they share towels?

The only time the bacteria is going to make you poorly, is when it’s bad bacteria.
Of course if one of you is poorly, you wouldn’t use the same towel.

The reason they stopped using towels in public loos is because there was no restrictions on who was using them and if someone is poorly, then it can be spread.

What do you do when you visit family or friends and use the loo?
Wash your hands but not dry them?

gannett · 19/01/2025 13:52

The fixation on genitalia (in very lurid terms) in this thread is incredibly disturbing and creepy, especially given that we are talking about a child.

Freshly wasjed genitalia shouldn't be cause for smelling salts, anyway.

tammy98 · 19/01/2025 13:53

Green0911 · 19/01/2025 01:36

Of course not. We had numerous. 2 clean ones each at a time, that get laundered every 3 to 4 days. But numerous sets to change each time another set is laundered!

That poor boy! He obviously denied it at first because it sounds like he's scared of your reaction and rightly so! I hope you don't treat your husband that way. What is wrong with you? Bet he dreads coming over to stay.

Bignanna · 19/01/2025 13:54

CountessWindyBottom · 19/01/2025 13:17

I love threads like this because they show the absolute batshit ways of people who assume what they do is the norm. Everyone being allocated a specific bath and hand towel is WILD.

Just go and buy some towels @Green0911 so that your SS doesn’t resort to having to using yours. Most houses have a stock of towels which people take when they need one.

The issue wasn’t that there weren’t enough towels! The ss probably couldn’t be bothered to get one before showering and just grabbed the nearest.

tammy98 · 19/01/2025 13:57

Shinybear · 19/01/2025 13:46

Why didn't you just ask him calmly to not do that again? What was the point in getting angry?

Or do you struggle to control your temper in the heat of the moment? If so, maybe get some help with anger management. Anger is very, very rarely a productive emotion, unless it's some kind of righteous anger at injustice which you deal with in private before channelling into positive action.

Love this ❤ so true 👍

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 19/01/2025 13:59

I'm sorry but I would flip if I knew a teenage boy (or girl, or anyone for that matter) had used my personal towel. I don't want someone to dry their bum and genitals on my towel. End of.

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/01/2025 14:00

Well said, @SallymetLarry

People clearly don't understand the science.

The study, by luxury bathroom retailer Drenchch, claimed that couples who share used towels are at risk of sharing some pretty disgusting bodily excretions as well as infectious diseases, including E.Coli, ringworm, staph infections and faecal matterer.

www.menshealth.com/uk/health/a28606339/bathroom-towels-poo-bacteria/

"The longer towels stay damp, the longer the yeasts, bacteria, molds and viruses remain alive and stay active," dermatologist Alok Vij, MD, writes for Cleveland Clinic. "They can cause an outbreak of toenail fungus, athlete's foot, jock itch and warts, or cause these skin conditions to spread," he says, adding that dirty towels "can certainly cause a flare-up of eczema or atopic dermatitis."

“Even after a shower, your skin still contains bacteria. And when you dry yourself, the moisture from the towel combined with the bacteria that gets pulled from your body becomes a mix of infectious bacteria,” he says. “On day zero, when the towels are washed and still not used, you can still culture bacteria from the towel. On day one, the bacterial count increases. On day five of use, your towel contains so much bacteria, which I’m sure some of you can smell. That’s what the nasty wet towel smell is coming from: The bacteria eating the body oils in order to survive and grow in the towel’s material."

naturopathic.org/news/686106/How-Often-Do-You-Wash-Your-Towels-Doctor-Warns-Theyre-Probably-Full-of-Infectious-Bacteria.htm

Re the potentially deadly infection MRSA: • The spread of MRSA is more likely to occur when people share bedrooms, beds, towels (hand, face or bath) or hygiene items such as razors and toothbrushes with someone carrying the transmitted strain.

Cosyblankets · 19/01/2025 14:01

Green0911 · 19/01/2025 01:37

He's a typical teenager with little concern about personal hygiene. And we shared a bath towel (bath! Not just a hand towel) for 3 days!

Did you not wonder why it wasn't dry?

mydogisthebest · 19/01/2025 14:01

Bignanna · 19/01/2025 13:47

Urg! Even though people shower it’s not acceptable or pleasant to share towels that have been rubbing all the important little places and orifices!

I only really dry my arms and legs and then wrap the towel round me and by the time I have brushed my teeth, combed my hair etc my body is dry.

Nothatgingerpirate · 19/01/2025 14:01

I'm sorry, but I think 💬 this whole thread 🧵 is deranged. 😂
Just stick the damn towel in the washer, take a clean one and have a calm word with you stepson.
In this order.

Gloriia · 19/01/2025 14:02

'Otherwise, why is there not one towel in public loos? If everyone washes their hands and uses one towel, why not? That's the logic of it. There are one heck of a lot of uneducated posters here.'

Because public loos are full of strangers! Full of a variety of bugs and germs. Household tend to have the same people and barring infectious illnesses when your strict rules would be appropriate all have the same circulating bugs and flora.

There arent any uneducated people, no need to be so rude (and no i wasnt 'confused' earlied) just different opinions and that is fine.

We occasionally use the same flannel <runs>.

Nonaynevernomore · 19/01/2025 14:03

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/01/2025 14:00

Well said, @SallymetLarry

People clearly don't understand the science.

The study, by luxury bathroom retailer Drenchch, claimed that couples who share used towels are at risk of sharing some pretty disgusting bodily excretions as well as infectious diseases, including E.Coli, ringworm, staph infections and faecal matterer.

www.menshealth.com/uk/health/a28606339/bathroom-towels-poo-bacteria/

"The longer towels stay damp, the longer the yeasts, bacteria, molds and viruses remain alive and stay active," dermatologist Alok Vij, MD, writes for Cleveland Clinic. "They can cause an outbreak of toenail fungus, athlete's foot, jock itch and warts, or cause these skin conditions to spread," he says, adding that dirty towels "can certainly cause a flare-up of eczema or atopic dermatitis."

“Even after a shower, your skin still contains bacteria. And when you dry yourself, the moisture from the towel combined with the bacteria that gets pulled from your body becomes a mix of infectious bacteria,” he says. “On day zero, when the towels are washed and still not used, you can still culture bacteria from the towel. On day one, the bacterial count increases. On day five of use, your towel contains so much bacteria, which I’m sure some of you can smell. That’s what the nasty wet towel smell is coming from: The bacteria eating the body oils in order to survive and grow in the towel’s material."

naturopathic.org/news/686106/How-Often-Do-You-Wash-Your-Towels-Doctor-Warns-Theyre-Probably-Full-of-Infectious-Bacteria.htm

Re the potentially deadly infection MRSA: • The spread of MRSA is more likely to occur when people share bedrooms, beds, towels (hand, face or bath) or hygiene items such as razors and toothbrushes with someone carrying the transmitted strain.

Again!! I’m not that irrational and unable to risk asses!

We get it you don’t share towels, that’s fine!! I do and I don’t care that you’ve got an irrational fear of the bacteria and think the OP is right for flipping her lid!! That’s just ridiculous, but because she’s also irrational, she lost the ability to talk reasonably.

mydogisthebest · 19/01/2025 14:05

SallymetLarry · 19/01/2025 13:41

The lack of understanding about science here is shocking.

Towels always harbour bacteria. The minute you step out of the shower or bath, your body will be covered with bacteria- some good, some bad- that are always in the air and will be on your towel. You have your own bacteria and another person has their own. You will share some, but not all. Just like everyone's gut bacteria is unique.

When you use a towel, bacteria will be on it.
When it dries on the radiator, or anywhere, the bacteria will grow.

What you or anyone gets up to with sex is up to you.

But basic hygiene of using one towel per person is the norm.
Otherwise, why is there not one towel in public loos? If everyone washes their hands and uses one towel, why not? That's the logic of it.

There are one heck of a lot of uneducated posters here.

One towel per person is NOT the norm. Some people have their own towel but many do not.

To compare a towel in a public toilet to a towel in your own home is, frankly, ridiculous.

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