He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

You are going to get a blowy- met with
I wish, maybe when the tattoo is done, and my girlfriend isn't here.

I mean, yeah. He did say he wants oral sex from the tattoo artist.

How is it wierd? Half the women on here made the exact same assumption when they wrote a reversal:

”Roles reversed:
Your mate: You'd definitely suck his dick
You: I wish
Your mate: You would I know you well
You: Maybe after the tattoo is done
Your mate: You still with your boyfriend?
You: Yeah but he isn't here”

@SummerFeverVenice I agree that some of this is normal. However, "she's not here though" about your pregnant girlfriend to me is over the line and disrespectful. It's not about the fit person you're looking at, it's about your partner, who paid for the session BTW.

That's the line I don't like the most. It's different to "he's fit" or "wouldn't kick him out of bed".

OK you're just embarrassing yourself now. Let me translate.

Friend: She's definitely sucking your dick
Him: haha I wish
Friend: She will, I know you
Him: Maybe after the tattoo :)
Friend: You still with your girlfriend?
Him: So what, she's not here

You honestly think that's acceptable?

No, the mate suggested a blow job. He only said ha ha I wish, maybe when tattoo is done,

the ha ha I wish indicates they are in not serious, fantasy land, bur joking around.

I can understand that you are confused by this since you don’t fantasise nor does your Nigel and so are not familiar with the subtext.

Ok, that’s cool. Everyone has a limit to what they find ok or not ok.
I am saying there’s nothing in the exchange that crosses any line I haven’t gone over myself.

I am not confused.

As for the rest of the bullshit, not worth commenting on as you're embarrassing yourself.

I didn’t need your ‘translation’.
Yes, it’s not funny or disgusting or unacceptable.
It’s literally nothing.

Because that's not an exact reversal.

He was talking about a female tattoo artist performing oral sex on him with his friend.

A reversal would be the OP and her friend talking about a random man performing oral sex on her. 🤷‍♀️

Ok, good luck on your quest for redemption.

That made me smile :)

Goodnight.

Yes, I know, I quoted what half the women on the thread posted as a reversal, which is the same thing the OP said her DH said would be a reversal.

I pointed out pages ago an actual reversal would be a male tattoo artist going down on a female customer.

So..
A friend that "knows him too well" doesn't even know if you are together?
And you're pregnant .

Yeah, the blowy isn't the bit to be upset about.

I too objectify men sometimes, so that's another yuck. As long as said cheeky banter between you and your bestie stays in the phone and you remain super respectful with the tattoo artist it's OK. What is not OK is to look at your partners phone and that indicates the op doesn't fully trust this man, that alone should be a red flag for her.

@steff13
like dreaming bohemian wrote this “reversal” too:

”Really, if you saw a hot guy you'd text your friends that you'd love to suck his dick, and maybe you will since your husbands not around?”

The same reversal that’s not a reversal.

I only read the OP's posts, then I saw you replied to mine.

Here, have this: 🏆

I think you have more problems than the contents of these messages. Although I must back up a lot of the other MN commentariat and say I didn’t understand the texts at first (did they do school?).

good luck in your relationship and I hope you have a beautiful baby.

That's the point. It's not about anything happening between OP's boyfriend and a tattooist.

The friend can't see a beautiful woman without supposing she'd give a blow job to any man within reach. (If you need further explanation, he's a misogynist and probably a sex pest.)

BF replies haha, I wish! Okay, that's a deflection. (We know men don't generally like to tell each other when they're being creeps. Shame, but there you go.)

Friend pushes it: You're lying, mate, I know you too well. Strong implication that friend thinks of BF as eager to get his dick sucked in any circumstances. (The friend probably thinks this is harmless banter, but he's now managed to insult BF as well as the tattooist.)

BF, incredibly, runs with this! He could've just said Don't be daft, or Speak for yourself, mate, or even Not these days, I'm going to be a father. He didn't. He just ran with this idea of both himself and the tattooist being sexually incontinent slags.

Even the friend seems surprised. He had to remind BF he's in a relationship.

Then BF says She's not here though. So - er, he's hoping the tattooist really will launch herself on his penis, since his girlfriend isn't there? She isn't there so anyone will do? There's NO POINT to this remark, except to highlight that his relationship status doesn't count unless his girlfriend is present. (Looks like the friend was on the money with I know you too well.)

I'd be fucking livid, OP.

Him and his mate are the only cocksuckers here…..

The spelling and grammar is very much how my friends talk on text, so I wonder if that’s just a regional thing to where OP and her partner are from.

Your boyfriend saying it’s banter and playing it down would piss me off because he definitely wouldn’t appreciate you saying you’d like a handsome fella going down on you if he wasn’t there. Also asking if you’re still together, is this a close friend or someone just sending a catch up text and trying to be funny because they’re devoid of conversation?
But reading the text the phrasing is just quite generic and reads like his friend is trying to make (deeply awful and awkward) chat and your partner is idly replying. Nothing reads like intent there. Just stupid, thoughtless chatter.
I’d be fucked off and would be less trusting than I was prior to seeing it, but I’d also think mostly he was just being a gobshite.

He sounds like an absolute charmer, and so intelligent, too. 🤢

I was a bit undecided on your initial post but that response does appear to remove all doubt as to his underlying misogyny.

Oh I misunderstood it first time round. I see what he is saying now.

I think I agree with the PP on page 1. "Grim and thick".

Who chose the tattoo artist? Have either of you used her before?

I am confused - who is he talking about?

Anyway the way he writes in texts would give me a headache so I probably would not be with him in the first place. And no, I don’t find it funny.