He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

You should earn their trust so they can share everything with you without you having to spy on their phone, seeing you as a friend.

I was going to say the same thing. OP you naturally expected the BF to behave as your Dad would have to your Mum and bit by bit are discovering he's far removed from that.

I think you should reconsider tying yourself down to building a family with an uncaring manchild who doesn't treat you with any respect and then tells you - all other women would think it was OK. They wouldn't. He's trying to make out that you are misinterpreting his bad behaviour and that its a you problem.
Although you've fallen out with your parents... this could be a good moment to reconnect. I'm sure they still want the best for you.

You're only 8 weeks. You're not trapped. You have choices.

Even without this text exchange the relationship sounds doomed; naked pictures on his phone, you checking his phone, his mate asking if you're still together, you paying for his tattoo...

What made the two of you decide that now was a good time to start a family?

To them, maybe it was just lad's banter but I definitely agree he (they) are disillusioned to think most women would laugh over it!

I saw these earlier?

so how did that come about then?

but no….. I wouldn’t give a sh*t if I saw those….. I wouldn’t go looking anyway. it’s just manbanter.

Ps….. married and happy for more than 10 years, with kids. 🤷‍♀️🫶

Geniune question, is he 16? No self respecting ''man'' would speak about a partner like that, particularly a pregnant one. Id prepare yourself to be a single parent OP. This idiot has a lot of growing up to do, you will be rearing two kids.x

Grim - 2 man babies and you’re stuck with one of the them …. for now at least.

Harmless banter. I'm not sure he paid much attention in his English lessons though!

Let’s be fair woman talk worse on group chats night s out and previous bfs bedroom ability’s

Water finds its level 🫶

The fact that they think it's harmless banter is the problem. It's horrible Trump-like misogyny.

What the hell does he know about 'most women' ???? Does he think he's Hugh Hefner reincarnated? If he has a daughter, would he appreciate her partner saying the same behind her back? The BOY is an idiot.

Eeww disgusting ! "I know you too well" suggests he's cheated before.. I think you've made a mistake getting pregnant with this guy and like everyone else says, the way they speak to eachother is cringe! Like 12 year old boys, ICK!!

I wasn't condoning it!

I’ve actually got a horrible suspicion that may many guys talk ike this to each other. Sociologist friend once said something about it being the need to be in a tribe. Young men particularly have this fear of being outside the group and being vulnerable to other males. It’s a primal hard wired thing and they need to grow out of it. If they are around/ brought up with other ‘friends’ who talk shit they will go along with it and collude when no other more important people are listening. It doesn’t mean you’re not entirely more important than his male ‘friends’ just that you weren’t there to moderate the ‘shit’ he was inclined to talk to he included. It’s all a bit sad and pathetic really if you think about it. Many men portray a complete lie to other men just for fear of being outside the herd and ‘just them against the world’. I think it improves with age and having a family to occupy their minds for most men. No doubt there will be mumsnetters whose twatty Dhs and exDhs didn’t in fact grow out of it but they’ll be squarely in the minority im sure. Don’t give up hope Op. He’s just extremely bloody immature and there’s a cure for that.

YANBU - It’s juvenile and such a turn off!

Being so illiterate is just as much a turn off as being a vile pig.

He doesn’t sound like good long term relationship/father material. I’d think carefully. What do you think he’d be like if you split up? Decent supportive. Having a child with him is such a permanent tie.

Bird??
Gross.

Does that friend ever come to your house for dinner? What a conversationalist! It must be like listening to Oscar Wilde or Stephen Fry in full flow. I bet he holds the table spellbound with his wit and learning: “woman give blow job…it feel nice…woman got tits, me like big tits. Me drive car with noisy engine and big exhaust wot make noisy vroom vroom bang bang sound. People look at me when me make vroom vroom sound. Me like it when people look at me.” Ugghh.

He ‘deffo’ needs to go back to school.

I would wonder why this child man is his friend, but feel it is quite sad and pathetic.

I couldn’t muster up energy to get annoyed, it doesn’t seem like your DP is really encouraging it.

From your messages here he gives me the squicks. (I've only scanned the thread other than the OP's posts.)

I'd be very tempted to kick him to the kerb and get on your life without him. Although as your pregnancy progresses it may become more and more difficult without the support of a loving partner.

Ah, screw him and find yourself a nice girl.

The whole exchange is vile, I definitely wouldn’t laugh. Saying that you weren’t there is so disrespectful. He has a lot of making up to do, if you decide not to kick him out!

Aside from the neanderthal level of literacy & misogynistic 'bants', it's the 'u w ya bird still' that is somewhat concerning.
Why shouldn't he be if you are having his child? Or does he give his mates cause to think otherwise?